I just need to rant for a minute.

[transformed]

This is me on 2 weeks of no sleep. :

I am having my FIRST baby shower. I have had 4 children. I am not much of a baby shower person, but still excited because I have never had one!

So I told my mom the date, and to this she asked "You are inviting great grandma right?"

Definition of Great Grandma: My mom's mom, who has been keepin it toxic for MY WHOLE LIFE. And I was forced to hang out with her 'Bitchyness' since birth. Mean Mean Mean. Argues with everything you say. She has been flown to florida at age 90 to live out her life at my mom's house across town. Meanest person I have ever met.

To that I promptly said "No." She looked shocked and hurt and offended. "Why?"

I was thinking....ummm...because she is a total .

So I am cool with it, I get to choose...and I am not worried about my mom's feelings-they are HERS to have.

But now steps in my dad: He likes to make me feel guilty about everything I do or say that upsets my mom (because EVERYTHING upsets her) and then he has to hear about it all the time.

So I am so sick of familys trying to fulfil some kind of "tribal code" that says we have to engage with toxic relatives simply because "they are."

Whatever.

[VickV]

{{hugs}}

I have long believed that the insistence that blood means you tolerate/condone unacceptable behavior is a load of hooey. Do not let either of your parents make you feel bad about your choice to exclude her!

[minsca]

[Right of Passage]

I can sympathize (insert crappy uncle here), you have every right not to invite her. Babies need to be surrounded with love, sounds like she doesn't have any to spare.

[AGlimmeringHope]

I agree with everyone else- just because she's got a branch on your family tree doesn't mean you have to condone or put up with abusive behavior.

[weliveintheforest]

I wouldn't invite her either, your Mom will probably get over it way before you would get over someone ruining your shower!