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Dads 50 ish and up? - Page 2

post #21 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I am glad we have a nice thread going.

We used to live in an urban setting where it was more diverse. I feel like out here in the 'burbs it's more "mainstream couples" & we stick out more.

My daughter is turning 4 so she really has no idea that her Dad is older. It's interesting to think about when she will realize that. She is totally into the fact that she has 3 older half siblings that don't live with us. My husband's grandkids are really her nephews & nieces but they all call each other "cousins".

Well, those are my thoughts for the day!


(Bolded) that’s my fear as well. We're thinking about moving away from the Bay Area; actually California period, and I have that fear. Even when we visit more remote areas of this state for vacations, we are pretty accepted and don’t really stick out. When we travel outside CA (aside from NYC and a few other large cities) we definitely stick out more.

We are a bi-racial couple with a 21 year age difference and it doesn’t help that a LOT of people I first meet think I'm 19 (no matter how "grown-up" I dress). He doesn’t look 50 but he definitely looks older than I am.
post #22 of 90
My dh and I are 25 years apart in age - I'm 27 and he's 53. We have a 3 week old ds, and he was born six days before dh's 53rd birthday. He also has an almost 19 year old dd, who's in her 2nd year at university.

It takes a special spirit to be open to parenthood and starting over at a later age, but I have to say, it has been amazing to experience everything so far with him, and to see what a youthfulness it brings out of him.

I'm definitely looking forward to where this thread will go, and am glad to have found it!
post #23 of 90
Hi ,

My dh and I have 3 children together. He was married before but had no children. He is 56 and I am 37 and we are 19 years apart. Our kids are 7, almost 6 and newly turned 3, (:yesterday). We have been married for 8 years, but have known each other for 16 years.

I am enjoying this thread .
post #24 of 90
Hi there. I am 26 and dp is 40. I have one son and dp is going to be a daddy for the first time in June. Subbing to this thead.
post #25 of 90

count us in, too

i'm 39, he's 57. our DD will be 2 in april. he's also got two grown kids from his first marriage, they're 28 and 30, each with one child.

personally, i don't think much about the age difference. DH is physically strong with the "forever young" attitude, so he doesn't seem "old". some would say i'm an "older" first time mom, but honestly i really don't feel alone. all of my immediate neighbors are in the same age bracket (as me) and the moms i meet out and about are also late 30s, etc.

DH and i have dated for 10 years. our baby was a "surprise" and we didn't get married until after she was born. fortunately, his older children have been quite accepting and supportive of our baby. like someone else said in an earlier post, DH's grandchildren are technically DD's neice and nephew, never mind that they are six and ten years older than her. how did they come around to calling each other cousins? that seems appropriate given the circumstances.

i kinda like having an older husband, personally. i was a married before, married at 23, divorced at 30, no kids. although i loved the guy, he was in a lot of ways still a child, not that all men in their 20s are, but this one was in a lot of ways. now, i have a real man to take care of me, instead of the other way around.

in terms of financially, my DH makes a lot more money now that he is in his later working years, compared to what he used to make when he was younger. this enables me to stay home for a few years and raise DD instead of having to work to pay the mortgage. we have a nice house on a big property, that is in my name because i bought it just before i found out i was pregnant. we don't have a ton of money but we have some savings. DH has set aside some for his children (all three) and then there are accounts in both of our names so i won't be broke if/when something happens to him. of course i plan to return to work at some point anyway, so if i do find myself "single again," say, in my 50's or 60's, well, i think i'll do alright one way or another.

i don't think there's much to regret with loving an "older" man. the sex is good, we both know what we like. he's supportive of my parenting style. i don't think he was too hands-on with the first kids. he's home a lot more with our DD than he ever used to be. he's mentioned how much he enjoys her.

one last thing i will say though is that maybe because i'm home, and maybe because he's older, i've found the expectations for me to be the "june cleaver" wife are sorta there... it's been an adjustment for me. he doesn't ask a lot but he does ask for certain things. dinner ready when he gets home. certain chores done around the house. it took me a while to accept, but now i just work it in my routine. figure it is a cost of "doing business" so to speak, the business being my being home with the baby. in fairness, he does a heavy share of deep cleaning (bathrooms, carpets, etc.) on weekends, and is great, great with outdoor man stuff like snow shoveling, grass cutting, rototilling the garden, heavy weeding, etc.

great thread! would love to hear more! thanks
post #26 of 90
Yup. I've got an older husband too. He's 55 and I'm 43. Our kids are no longer babies...6,11,13. He is feeling the desire to slow down work-wise but is frustrated because we need to support a family. We've had some financial set backs in recent years and we are making ends meet but are no where near "retirement."
I love having a husband older than me for many reasons.
I found so many men my age were still so into bong hits and partying when I was evaluating them as potential fathers. DH had it out of his system. He also has years of great stories from his life as a theater director and street performer during the 70's. He taught Holly Hunter in her freshman acting class at Carnegie Mellon!
Having come of age in the 60's, during the hard core feminist movement, he supports my desire to be a stay at home mom or take over the chiropractic practice and have him stay home. I think the latter is is deepest desire.
Also, he now qualifies for AARP health insurance. We can save money! Lots of good jokes around that one.
Drawbacks? He can be a bit of a codger at times... Contemporary rock and pop is noise, he constantly compares it to The Beatles and Rolling Stones. I've actually heard him say, "Turn that noise down!"
post #27 of 90
*
Edited by 2babybees - 6/9/13 at 5:31am
post #28 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2babybees View Post
He follows and embraces my parenting decisions although they are different than when he raised his son. I get the notion that he was not too involved in the early years of parenting and sees this as a chance to do it over again. He loves getting on the floor and playing cars with my son and reading countless stories with my daughter. His patience level is much higher than mine for sure.

That's another thing for us, too... Dh's ex was pretty controlling and psychologically abusive. She treated dh like crap, and when it came to parenting, it was her way or the highway. They split when his dd was 12, and the ex played their daughter as a pawn, and when dh refused to play her crazy head games, she kept his dd from him. He refused to stoop to her level, and always took the high ground in not bad mouthing the ex, even when it was in his own defense, and he really didn't get to be as much of a father to her as he truly wanted to be. He cried many, many tears over the loss of the close relationship he had with his daughter. Now that she's an adult, they get along great, but the teen years were pretty rough. When we finally found out we were expecting Aidan, he was thrilled for so many reasons, one huge one being that he could finally be a parent the way he wanted to be, and it was like he was getting a second chance. We have nearly identical ideals for parenting - non circ, non vax, co-sleeping, non-violent discipline, we're both totally AP minded - and we are a team as parents. That's something new to dh, and he's a different man now than he was when his daughter was younger.

I've always wanted to be a SAHM, and being married to an older, well established man with a great career affords me the opportunity to do so. I can't wait until he retires in another 13 years. Our son will be 13 when he retires, and we are home schooling him, so when it comes time for the high school stuff, dh will be here to be a huge part of that. I'm planning to go back to school when dh retires, and Aidan will always have a stay at home parent.

I love this thread!
post #29 of 90
I'm glad I found this thread. Dh and I have 27 years between us, and we have a 16 mo little boy. DS is the first for both of us. DH is very young at heart and very active so I never really think of him as being "old". We always joke that he's living his life backwards, having traveled the world as a youth before finally finishing college at the age of 49, meeting me, getting married, getting a permanant job, and starting a family

Great to hear from people in similar situations!
post #30 of 90
I just figured out that my husband is 28 years older than me

I always was attracted to older men so I think I always knew I would marry one. It's not a "father thing"- its that I've always been sort of an "old soul". My mother used to call me a "little old lady" even when I was little.

My husband is actually leaving for a week long trip & I miss him already. Our daughter just turned four & she will really miss him- he is really the one who plays with her the best... or as she would say " Daddy's more fun than you!.
post #31 of 90
I'm 27, and my husband is 57. We share so many of the same interests and activities, that the age difference has never been much of an issue between us, and he is in such good shape--climbs, ski races, etc, that half of the time, I have trouble keeping up with him. Our first child, Miriam, was born last March, and it has been wonderful watching him turn into a Dad, and seeing how much he enjoys getting to know this new little person. She is the first child for each of us, so we are learning this parenting thing together.
post #32 of 90
My DH is 54 and I'm 37. We were both married before and have kids. He has 3 adult children and my dd is 18. We have a 9yr old together.

One thing I'm noticing is that he is slowing down and I'm speeding up. In all ways. It worries me that it might become a problem as the years pass.

Also, his oldest dd has issues with him being a "better" parent with our 9yr old than with her. There are a lot of things going on but this is one that pops up now and then.
post #33 of 90
I'm curious if others have a difficult time making friends as a couple? Dh and I have our own friends, but we have a really hard time making friends as a couple with other couples. There seems to be a lack of similar minded people where we live - we live in a small town in rural Kentucky - and it's very difficult to meet people for potential friendships. To give you an idea of the mindset in this town, I was fired from the YMCA because my employer felt my marriage was "wrong" and went against the "Christian" image they had. (insert eye roll here)

I would love to meet other couples like dh and myself, but as it sits right now, dh has his friends, and I have mine, and while we all get along, we're not "couple friends."
post #34 of 90
We sometimes have that but not that often. Dh is a brilliant poker player so he hangs with college kids and 20-somethings twice a week at games.
He's quite good at crossing generation gaps. For him, it's more about intellectual connection than age.
I sometimes feel out of place around couples that are his age. They just seem so old.
post #35 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post

one last thing i will say though is that maybe because i'm home, and maybe because he's older, i've found the expectations for me to be the "june cleaver" wife are sorta there... it's been an adjustment for me. he doesn't ask a lot but he does ask for certain things. dinner ready when he gets home. certain chores done around the house. it took me a while to accept, but now i just work it in my routine. figure it is a cost of "doing business" so to speak, the business being my being home with the baby. in fairness, he does a heavy share of deep cleaning (bathrooms, carpets, etc.) on weekends, and is great, great with outdoor man stuff like snow shoveling, grass cutting, rototilling the garden, heavy weeding, etc.

great thread! would love to hear more! thanks
This is interesting because we have the opposite dynamic (though we don't have kids yet).

His mom was a SAHM and she didn't like it at all. She wanted to hang with her friends, go drinking, and so on. She constantly left him and his older sister at home alone during the day (dad was at work). His view of a SAHM/SAHW has been tainted for sure and he's bitter and resentful for having a mother who didn't want to be home. A job would have been much better for her - but this was the 1950s-60s. Right now since we both work (he works from home) the chores are split almost 50/50, but I do most of the cooking (because he cant)

Many of his friends are younger too, but they are pretty diverse in ages (20s-50s)
post #36 of 90
My DH and I were just laughing last night about signing him up for AARP!!!
He's turning 55 next month. (I'm 38) We're going to be doing alot of traveling the rest of this year. We both agree that we may as well take advantage of the perks!!!
He was also saying that he can't believe he's gonna be 55! He sure doesn't feel or look like it. He's been getting reconnected with alot of his old friends through the internet. They send us pix of themselves with their families and he's shocked at how old some of them look
There's alot to be said for good genes


Oh yeah, I posted before, but as kellyh. This is my new user name. Just so theres no confusion.:
post #37 of 90
Day 2 of DH being gone. Man, we sure miss him.

Glad to have you ladies to chat with!

Karaboo, your post touched me as you mentioned fears of your husband "slowing down". I don't worry about my DH slowing down as much as I fear his passing when our child is still quite young. My husband is nearing 70 and yes, he looks 55, works full time, skis, plays tennis, runs, etc but I still am frightened of how hard it will be for my DD with him gone. I don't mean to be morbid as I know anyone of us could go tomorrow but I just see how attached she is to him with him gone this week. I think that's why I really try to for us to seize every moment & cherish our family time. Of course my DH is much older than you ladies & I never really had these thoughts until he turned 70 & I was like "wow, honey you are really 70?"

Aidansmommy, we also have "my friends" & "his friends". I would love for us to be around a couple in a similar situation. I find that in our town most of the families are in their twenties & thirties.

The only other issue I can think of is when DH retires, he really wants to travel & our DD will be in school. I mentioned homeschooling & he is opposed to it for our daughter. I am wondering if private schools are more flexible with vacations?

Maybe we could all live on the same street kind our own version of Wisteria Lane (the street in Desperate Housewives for any non tv folks)... LOL...

Nice chatting ladies!
post #38 of 90
I am 31 and DH is 53 (22 year age difference). We have a 3.5 yo DS and an 18 mo DD. Neither of us have been married before, and he had no plans to marry before I came along.

I fit into many of the other patterns... DH is financially ahead in his career so it is easy for me to be a SAHM. I am not sure what my next career will be (I have no interest in returning to the career I had before staying home) but I want it to produce enough income so that DH can cut back his work hours as the kids get older and involved in sports, etc. We both have a good amount saved for retirement, but neither of us have a desire for the retiree lifestyle.

Discipline/Parenting: I am the Enforcer in our house (as in, you can't eat cereal for every meal, you will need to go to bed before midnight, etc. we try to do Gentle Discipline) , DH is the ol' softy. This seems to be personality based. I am also the long-term planner and critical thinker when it comes to parenting--I research the options and read the books. DH seems to agree with what I explain to him; he is more on board with some things than others (He washes the cloth diapers and likes that we don't punish or control the kids, but doesn't care so much about nutrition or how much TV they watch...)

Socializing: We haven't had a problem here. I have always had older friends (one of my closest girlfriends is 12 years older) and we just treat everyone like they are the same age. We do volunteer work together and meet nice people of all ages. We also do quite a bit of socializing separately as I tend to need to get out with my friends more than he does, he is more introverted than I am. I will add that young adults sometimes act strange around us... I have a sis who was in her early 20's when she met my DH and it was a loooong time before she would really talk to him. Of course, part of that is due to her um... personality

Family: DH is one of 7 kids who all had children at different times, so I have a niece who is a couple years younger than me AND a nephew who is 1 year older than my DS. On my side, my mother and stepfather have a 'second family'... my half-brother and I are 21 years apart, so he became an uncle when he was 7. The generations are so spread out, there weren't clear lines between each one before, so I think it is less disruptive that DH and I are together (although there were some concerns raised when we got together, mostly by my mother who is 2 years older than DH :.)

Mortality: I thought much more about him being older when we were dating and realized that we wanted to marry and have a family, it was a big anxious issue, but actually it was much more stressful for him than for me. I don't think about it anymore, except occasionally when cultural references come up, nor am I anxious at all about it anymore. I am very happy with our decision to have a family together. He likes to talk about himself as being 'old and tired', but like other PPs, he has a high energy level and likes to be very active. He rides his bike 8 miles to work almost every day and runs on the weekend. He also needs less sleep that I do to function. I often end up feeling like the non-productive partner because he can do so much (I need sleep and down time.) He does have some aches and pains; I worry about him developing arthritis, which runs in his family, and I wish he would get more sleep.

Thanks for starting this thread; I don't know any other couples with such a large age difference who have young families, so it is nice to know we are not the only ones!

-dflanag2
post #39 of 90
Oh, I'm sorry for upsetting you! (())

I didn't mean slowing down health-wise really. (The man has the heart of a bull!)Just working less, socializing less, sort of retreating from the business of living. In contrast, I'm awake and wanting more interacting with the world and more sex from him

He's getting grumpier and less tolerant and I'm getting more compassionate. His concerns are less and less shared by me.

I worry very much about us growing apart.
post #40 of 90
My dh is 51 and I am 38. We have two children together (5.5 and 2). He does not have any children from previous relationships.

He is also very young looking and young at heart. He loves being a daddy (actually a SAHD part time). He has more energy than me sometimes!

We have many friends and my family adores him (as his adores me). We fit together nicely in so many ways. He is more playful and easy going, while I am intense, driven and sometimes too serious. We make a pretty good team as parents and lovely partners. I was always attracted to older men, so this did not surprise anyone when we married. And, no, I don't have dad issues. My dad and I were very close and he and my dh were fast friends.

I do worry about how long he will live. That is just one of my specialties, to worry. But he is so healthy. The doctors are amazed at the condition of his heart (never smoked, not a heavy drinker, great blood pressure). All his tests come back positive and he has an aunt how just died and she was 102! His male family history is not so good (grand father and father both died in their late 50's early 60's, but they both smoked, ate a lot of meat-they were butchers and drank a fair amount of heavy liquor.) So fingers crossed, his healthy life style will cancel out some of those genetic issues.
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