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Looking for Mommas with ADD/ADHD...

post #1 of 582
Thread Starter 
Hey Mommas out there!
Anyone trying to raise a family and has ADD or ADHD? I'm feeling very alone in my clumsy, forgetting, can't think straight world here.

I've got 1 DS, ADD, and a DH who thinks I'm his mother.

Please introduce yourselves and say which you've got, mild/severe, medicated/un- or self- medicated, and anything else you think is important.

I've noticed a huge increase in my symptoms lately, and I can't say why....
post #2 of 582
Thread Starter 
Anybody?


.....now I DO feel alone....
post #3 of 582
Don't feel alone, I'm here. Just too ADHD to respond
I was diagnosed severe ADHD borderline personality disorder when I was about 13. I was on 8 different meds 3x a day till I was 19 :. I always thought that I would be CRAZY if I didn't take them, then I stopped. I've never felt so sane in my life than without all the uppers, downers, anti-psychotics & mood stabilizers. I do still notice that I'm very...what's a good word...flighty maybe
My attention span is definitely not as long as it could be. I've still got about 10 days till my baby is due so we'll see how well I cope with the momma thing. I think I'll be good but I guess I'll have to wait & find out.
post #4 of 582
bumpitty bump
post #5 of 582
ADD, wishing for some H here! I never suspected ADD until a few years ago, self diagnosed about two years ago, tried meds 6 or 7 months ago after weighing the risks and benefits while breastfeeding. Saw an immediate improvement in myself, but it waned after a few weeks and I no longer felt the benefits were outweighing the risks.
I think I will try a different med whenever ds weans, but not until then. In the meantime, I am going through one of the worst ADD periods yet. My big kids are off to Grandmas this weekend so I can try to regroup!
post #6 of 582
The only medication that I've found, that I trust, is medical marijuana. Western medication freaks me out ever since I was medicated for the ADHD when I was younger
post #7 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAMARabbitt View Post
The only medication that I've found, that I trust, is medical marijuana. Western medication freaks me out ever since I was medicated for the ADHD when I was younger
I'd love to see information on that. Can't say I'd be comfortable with the legality issue, but I'm definitely interested in the theory.
post #8 of 582
Thread Starter 
*%$#*@%$# thing just erased my post!:

Anyway, I was saying that relaxants usually increase my ADD symptoms and I get almost morose, I'm so Low.

A few years ago I read a book called healing your anxiety with herbs. It mentioned Valerian root as a supplement while you sleep. It does produce very vivid dreams at times, but it's worked verywell for me.

My self meds now are: B-50 complex, 50mg a multivit with lots of b-vits, and valerian root whileI sleep. I think of it as a life-long therapy, not a medicine or treatment.

I've been losing things lately, and forgetting things, although, even when DS was tiny, things had remained balanced out. My iron was low and I started taking two multi's instead of my extra b's and I think that's the problem.

My anxiety is back too. I forget thatthere are otheradults who deal with this, and choose to remain 'unmedicated'. Oh did I mention CAFFEINE?

I wasn't diagnosed until eighteen, and by then all my fun little 'tricks'were ingrained. I tried Ritalin, and when each dose wore off, I got these intense rages, and I'd want to hurt myself, or smash things. I couldn't deal with being out ofcontrol in the first place that's why I'd considered drugs, but this was far worse.
post #9 of 582
Another ADD'er chiming in here. Diagnosed and medicated since I was 4, then passed around to 8 different psychologists. It's moderate, but mild enough for me to figure stuff out as an adult without any ritalin. I'd tried all of them and finally quit because stimulants make me really jittery. There's also clinical depression there too.

I've been on pretty much everything during childhood (I could list them, but that'd be boring) but the good news is that all I'm on now is Zoloft and a multivitamin.

I'm with MAMARabbitt on the medical marijuana thing. That stuff works so well for anxiety. Unfortunately, it's expensive and I'm pregnant, so I can't take it just now. And yeah, growing up, being on all those drugs really sucked for me, too.

Sure, I lose and forget things, but it actually helps that both my husband and I have the same thing for empathy reasons. Any kids we have will definitely have some mental health stuff to deal with (including the one on the way right now), but at least we'll be able to understand them better.
post #10 of 582
Thread Starter 
Hello SpookyBlue!

I actually considered not procreating becuse of my anxiety and depression.

I realized though, that even if my children had ADD I could prevent a lot of problems by parenting differently, and by homeschooling. Ds is so much fun, I couldn't dream of life without him.
post #11 of 582
No kidding, heidirk! I considered the same thing, too, before I...well, realized the same thing you did. Hope babies are as much fun to raise, cause I gots one on the way!
post #12 of 582
Thread Starter 
Hooray!

I find having ADD helpful in caring for kids. I remember vividly how being a kid was, so it's easy for me to look at him and say, OK...He's upset about X let's try THIS.

I also found a neat book, The Gift of ADHD. I recommend reading that while you still have brain cells left!
post #13 of 582
I do, sorta, subbing. . .
post #14 of 582
I have autism with ADD-like traits. Little bit distracted now (fittingly ), shall return later...
post #15 of 582
I'm wondering how many of you use diet to control the ADD? When my DD has thrush, I started finding stuff on how diet makes autism and ADD symptoms appear. I'll link some stuff.

I was self-diagnosed in college, my mom thought it was cop-out, but I would try and try, and I just couldn't get things (homework) done. I retook 5 classes! I did get a diagnosis while I had good ins. but then after college just dropped getting seen. I don't think mine is too severe, but this fall when I was on an Elimination diet for the thrush, no dairy/wheat/sugar, anythign boxed/refined, my brain was clearer, and I lost weight. I'm really messy and usually overwhelmed with my housekeeping. Anyone else? I'm not depressed, I think, but I do have days where I am so down and have no motivation to do anything.
post #16 of 582
Wow....never saw this tribe!

Hubby is ADD, I'm ADHD and both boys have been diagnosed with ADHD. Youngest is still too young. I'm on Concerta and Ritalin, boys are on Concerta as well. At least I can relate to them!



~Jen
post #17 of 582
Yeah, I'm totally here. Classic tale of people-pleasing girl with ADD who learned to cope, sort of. Since I was not running around, teachers would never think there was a problem, I just daydreamed a lot. Thankfully,(I guess), smart enough to compensate. Also I had older, AP parents who loved and accepted me as is, and then a great supportive DH who does the same. I've never been medicated and at this point in time don't think I ever will be. I'm a clinical social worker and have been given several scales, which all say I have ADD. I think the part that bugs me the most is feeling such a disconnect from other women. It's hard for me to maintain friendships, I just don't really have the ability to organize my time to allow for working part-time and being the kind of Mom I am and then adding female friendship into the mix. I also think part of it is the part of the country I live in seems to have female friendship revolve around activities I don't think of as ADD friendly, if that makes sense. I tried to scrapbook, and would still like to, but by the time I would find what I wanted, my time for it was past. Also I would hyperfocus on something, time would pass and nothing would be done. I also think lots of women are not real cool with coming to a house where there is laundry on the couch and lots of unfinished projects. Then again maybe it's my own "shame" issue with feeling like I don't measure up in the "womanly" arts of housekeeping, etc. None of this is stuff my DH puts on me, it's how I feel about myself. Being a mother has been very healing for me on many levels. I feel like I'm a really, sensitive, loving and nurturing mother, so therfore I must be a "good woman".
Yeah, this tended to ramble, imagine that, but would love to hear from other's on how the condition impacts their self-esteem in today's society with all the expectations of looking great, being organized, a perfect mother, lots of friends, a hot lover, and on and on.
post #18 of 582
Thread Starter 
I just erased my entire post. Which about sums up my problems with ADD.

Yes, I'm overwhelmed by housekeeping too. And I'm a SAHM, and I don't invite anyone over because in my mind the house is in chaos. I tell DH that I can cook, or I can clean but I can't do both on the same day.

it is hard to maintain friendships because I can easily lose the thread of a conversation which means I either embarass myself, or I wait so long to reply people think I'm not interested. I do try to give my self permission to be great at only one thing at a time. I think my Hyperfocus actually helps me sometimes, in that it allows me to tune out almost anything.

My parents were NOT accepting of me, and my mom in particular was always trying to 'fix' me. It didn't help that she called me 'space-cadet' and said things like "Earth to Heidi; earth to Heidi!"

Going on a now refined anything diet helped my moods mainly but the only thing that has helped to manage my symptoms has been my vitamin/supplement regimen. I'd love to hear more on that.

I was actually reading in Mothering mag that ADD/ADHD is part of the Autism spectrum. That actually answered some questions for me!

I did Ritalin when I was 19, but I hadbad sideeffects, so I quit. I have thought about trying Concerta, but I'm nursing and don't know if it passes into breast milk?

Ds is too young to tell too. But chances are if we have five kids like we want, I'll probably have at least two with some form of it.
post #19 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by socialworkmamma View Post
Yeah, I'm totally here. Classic tale of people-pleasing girl with ADD who learned to cope, sort of. Since I was not running around, teachers would never think there was a problem, I just daydreamed a lot. Thankfully,(I guess), smart enough to compensate. Also I had older, AP parents who loved and accepted me as is, and then a great supportive DH who does the same. I've never been medicated and at this point in time don't think I ever will be. I'm a clinical social worker and have been given several scales, which all say I have ADD. I think the part that bugs me the most is feeling such a disconnect from other women. It's hard for me to maintain friendships, I just don't really have the ability to organize my time to allow for working part-time and being the kind of Mom I am and then adding female friendship into the mix. . . . Also I would hyperfocus on something, time would pass and nothing would be done. I also think lots of women are not real cool with coming to a house where there is laundry on the couch and lots of unfinished projects. Then again maybe it's my own "shame" issue with feeling like I don't measure up in the "womanly" arts of housekeeping, etc.
Yeah, this tended to ramble, imagine that, but would love to hear from other's on how the condition impacts their self-esteem in today's society with all the expectations of looking great, being organized, a perfect mother, lots of friends, a hot lover, and on and on.
I'm sorry you feel so disconnected. I've found a friend who's as messy as I am, and we go to each other's house and clean and visit. I get hyperfocused and don't clean enough and will have like one shelf of a bookshelf that looks great and the floor is a pit.

Does anyone do playdates? Is your work-schedule the same all the time? What if you set a standing date with a friend? Or for you to set a time/date that is a 'friend day', say every Thursday you do something with a friend ,not necessarily the same friend. I have no idea if these will help. After our last move, I've had a really hard time making friends, but I justs tared saying, "Okay, when?", when someone says, "Let's get together." Or saying, "What about Thursday?" Of course if it's around doing something, and you don't have a hobby, that makes it harder. You can just ignore my ideas, if they don't help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
I tell DH that I can cook, or I can clean but I can't do both on the same day.
Me too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
My parents were NOT accepting of me, and my mom in particular was always trying to 'fix' me. It didn't help that she called me 'space-cadet' and said things like "Earth to Heidi; earth to Heidi!"
That's not nice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by heidirk View Post
I have thought about trying Concerta, but I'm nursing and don't know if it passes into breast milk?
Check Kellymom.com
post #20 of 582
Thanks for the suggestions Maggirayne. I do just need to put in on the calendar. I noticed in your siggie you're a Christian. I am too and I've found some friends at church that totally get the ADD thing and then there is the mother of DD's best friend who made the remark to me last summer about needing to be disciplined to get things done. It really hurt. Yes, I need to work on time management, but at the same time this is from a woman who's husband is a youth minister with a very flexible schedule, who I've seen at their home helping with laundry on a Thursday morning. Not everyone has a DH with a job that allows for laundry time during the middle of the day. It just brings out my feelings of inadequacy as a women, yk? I know we all struggle with various issues but sometimes it's hard when you feel like your issue is out there for all to see. I also work part-time for a Christian adoption agency as well as seeing a couple of clients for therapy. I handle my scheduling and billing and as someone pointed out, sometimes it's one or the other, I can't do it all. I wish I could
Anyway, this thread has helped me just by knowing I'm not the only one out there. DH is helping me to organize my time as I've given him permission to "micromanage" me. He's the boss at his office, so I might as well take advantage of his skills. I think my biggest fear is having my issues impact my children. So far I've been able to keep it together enough, but it seems to get more difficult all the time. The house is the biggie for me right now. I want DD to be able to feel like she can have friends over without having to apologize. I'm not there yet. Both my children have birthdays this week, DD's is tomorrow. I feel like I have what I need, but there is always this nagging feeling I've overlooked some major thing and I'll disappoint my children. DH is a great help and I make lists for him and he does the majority of our errands because he's so much efficent and we spend less.
Take care all.
Pamela
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