ADHD and me
Freaky that this thread is here. I attempted to read all 138 messages in the thread before mine, but i just could not do it. I think i made it to 25 or so.
I too have ADHD, it sucks I hate it and it makes me feel like a stupid ass all the time. I also have depression and anxiety. I am unmedicated as I am breastfeeding and have no drug benefit insurance.
I wish I had people in my life who understood me, but i have none. I feel rather lonely, but have most of my life.
I am the classic ADHD girl, i am the bright one who does not meet her potential. In university I had a few professors looking at me as graduate student potential as I am very bright and unique. I never got as far as applying to gradschool because i ended up not being able to keep up with homework. I was as single mom for most of my academic career as well, so that made things even harder.
I really hope to go back to university and fix my mistakes there, but i do not know that will ever happen. That pains be deeply as I am an intellectual person, and not being in an environment with other people like myself is torture to me.
I have learned ways to cope, i wiggle my toes a lot so people do not see my figiting, i use a lot of self talk to bring my thoughts back, i practice mindfulness where i can. I do not really self medicate. I used to with coffee and cigarettes, but i quit smoking and only drink some coffee now. I have been on meds in the past with varying results. I did like ritalin because it was fast acting and did not have to build up to work, but the ritalin burn out was hell, all the agitation and tearfulness, not worth it. I tried wellbutrin, it works rather well for me, but only for a little while. Dexedrine was awful on my body, and pemoline has been recalled. I need therapy for this, by someone more qualified than myself. The thing is, in my community, no one is available to help me. I had a counselor tell me i was brilliant and managed it well by myself, and that there was no one who could teach or help me because i know so much already. I think it is hard to be your own therapist or case manager.
I lose things all the time, i forget what i am doing a lot. I often start things i do not finish. I am not getting anywhere. I am raising 4 children, and have a 5th a few months a year. The kids are inspired by me, but it is very hard for me to keep any of them scheduled or have all their clothes clean, forms signed etc. Needless to say tho, we are very close and there is a lot of love between us.
I am creative however, and my mind is so very hungry. I hyperfocus a lot. It has gotten me in trouble in my relationships. I think this is why people call me a walking encyclopedia, i know a lot of things. It is all because i have an insatiable need to understand.
I have recently started sewing and this is inspiring to me, but it is hard to keep it all organised. I am not too bad at it either
it is a simple joy.
My off topic question is, how in the world do all of you get to have more than one smiley in your signature line? Whenever i try to add CDing, BFing, no circ, all that, i am told i can have only one. How do i fix this? I have a desire to be known, so i would like to put more in my line as well.
Anyway, i guess i was just venting in hopes of being understood, i am so over tired right now, Peace