Looking for Mommas with ADD/ADHD... - Page 8

[bnhmama]

I'm ADD, as well. Not medicated.

My therapist and I kinda figured it out when I was being treated for depression. (Meds were difficult for me-I really disliked the side effects.) And then I went off to my regular doc who confirmed the diagnosis but, get this, basically wrote down a couple books for me to read. I don't remember the titles but they were not exactly the kind of books someone with focus issues could read. Ugh. Not helpful at all.

I have really bad memory and an inability to store a lot of information. I have to work HARD not to tune out when people talk to me. I still do sometimes anyhow. I find it very difficult to organize anything-my thoughts, actual stuff, whatever. My house is messy and I'm (at 30 years old) still teaching myself how to tackle tasks by breaking them up into smaller bits and not walking away because I see a mess that is completely overwhelming.

I get very overwhelmed sometimes and need a mental break.

I have also struggled a lot with depression although my stint in therapy did wonders for me. I have an amazing self awareness now that helps so much. I haven't been in therapy for a little over a year and so far, doing okay. If I feel myself slipping, back I'll go.

[heidirk]

Hi guys. . . I'm soory I dropped off the radar for a while, it's been taking all of my mental energy just to deal with life right now, and to tell the truth, I feel like giving up.

Before this gets out of hand though, let me say welcome to Pumpkincat and bnhmama! Hello!

bnhmama- I think it's the worst kept secret that meds have huge side effects, and often, just plain old don't work. I think your self awareness will be your best weapon!

Pumpkincat- When you hit member status you can have a few more smileys, and then when you hit senoir member, a few more. Just keep posting, and you'll get there! I really like how you said this-

"I am creative however, and my mind is so very hungry. I hyperfocus a lot. It has gotten me in trouble in my relationships. I think this is why people call me a walking encyclopedia, i know a lot of things. It is all because i have an insatiable need to understand."

I think this represents quite a few of us, here. Don't worry about not having read all the posts, they'll still be there when you have time for them! I think also, the problem with counselling is that noone is really qualified to counsel us except another fellow ADD brain, and we all know where that would go, don't we?


AAM- I'm sorry to do this, but you all are probably the only ones who will understand, and I need to talk about this right now.

I am going to kill my DH. Whe I was PP with DS, I got really wacko, I'm sure I had PPD, because nothing else expleins the images tht would run through my head. So many nights, I sat up in bed while DH snored away, and if I hadn't been holding my nursing newborn, I would have gotten out of bed, and gone down to the kitchen for my big knife, and that would have been it- no more Matt. I knew I would be prone to this sort of thing because of having ADD and the accompanying anxiety to begin with, but I didn't know it would be that bad. We got through it, with the incidental (almost accidental) help of a counsellor.

See, DH is the kind of guy who never does any more than is absolutely necessary. Most of the time, he doesn't even do what's necessary, like pay bills/keep track of the checkbook, or anything. When DS came, I NEEDED him to start pitching in, even if all he did was hold the baby so I could pee. His first reaction to anyone trying to hold him accountable for anything is to get angry. Then he blames it on anything he can. THen he just forgets about it again, because he doesn't want to deal with it. Now I recognize this thought pattern from my own self, but noone ever let me get away with it, so I learned to work around it, take responsibility for my self. Even though someitmes it means saying, 'I crapped out on this, and I can't fix it now, but I'll do differently next time'. So now, Im preggo again, and the baby's due in four weeks! Agh! Due to his pattern of just skating along and never really making an effort, he lost his job teaching, and has had to take the only job he got offered. It's not that it's a bad job, but it pays less than the old one, and we needed for him to get a raise this year. We are at this moment cashing out retirement plans to pay down credit cards so we can just survive. SO until this new job starts he's been working 55 hours at his 'summer' job, so we can pay the mortgage, etc. That's not really a lot of hours, I've worked longer hours over longer time periods.

His attitude is starting to tank again, and he's being rude and sour. I'm starting to feel like I did after Hen was born and I don't even have the new baby yet! I feel like it's a huge accomplishment for me to be able to take care of MYSELF, let alone myself and a child, now soon to be two children. Is it SO much to ask that he take care of himself? I want to shout at him, and tell him, 'come on you idiot, if I can take care of ME, If I can cope with what I can cope with on a day to day basis, surely YOU can do this little bit?!'

And then I have to listen to the evil little voice in my head that tells me, "Heidi you're so screwed up, you should never have had children, you should never have saddled this man with your crap in the first place, why do you expect him to take care of you?" And then I think, well, maybe I should leave. That way he wouldn't have to take care of anyone but himself.

Sorry, I'm a real mess this morning.

[Maggirayne]

Oh Heidi, I am so sorry that I didn't post the other day. I have been thinking of you and praying for you and Matt. That sound so stressful. I'd be living in a cardboard box if my DH were like that. Well, maybe, I did pay bills the year I lived alone.

But can you all see a financial counselor, or is there someone else that Matt would be accountable to--to pay bills, do what you need him to, what he needs to do? Esp. if you're overwhelemed with credit cards. Of course, I suppose any suggestions from you are not taken well. Is there anyone in your church or family aware of the situation and able to tak Matt aside and say "hey, fly right"?

I hate feeling depressed and that reel that plays over and over in your head when you're down.

[heidirk]

Hey girl,
It's good you didn't respond, because the next day we lost power (the whole street) and my computer will NOT boot up now! : Just one more thing, YK?

Thanks for the suggestions. . .we have been banging our heads against this wall for such a long time, I'm running out of ideas. But since DH doesn't have such a good relationship with his dad, we had been talking to my dad about it. My dad has agreed to call DH and ask him the tough questions, but it's hard for him because he doesn't want to sour their relationship too. Sighhhh.... Suffice it to say, yes, I suggest, and I nag (which I hate- I am not a natural nag) and I remind, and sometimes I cry and yell, but a day or a week later, he 'forgets' again, and he's back to not doing anything. the sad thing really is that he KNOWS what to do, he just 'doesn't get around to it'. The excuses are so classic, that if I wasn't so paranoid about projecting MY problem onto him, I'd easily beleive that he has ADD too. :

Thre bottom line is that he's going to have to decide to do this, and then do it. Noone can do it for him anymore. He's just afraid to grow up.

I do try to escaspe that repeating poisonous message in my head, and I do succeed most of the time. I've had a lot of practice, after all.

Feeling better today, MW says BB has dropped, and other indications are pointing to my body getting ready to do it's thing. It's not really any day now, or anything. I'd give anything to have another month after this, so I could feel more ready, although I did get soem big things done this week. I'm nesting full swing, down to preparing meals for the freezer, so I know it's getting close. I'm probably the only preggo woman ever to wish it was closer to eleven months in length- I really could use the extra time.

[Maggirayne]

Eh, I wanted more time to get her 'room' ready. I didn't know I'd not want to quit co-sleeping after a year. Now i'm like, hmm, 4-5, nah, when she's 14! So 'her' room is still full of stuff(all my half-finished projects).

Yeah, well, that sounds like my type of ADD. I have a really hard time with follow-through.
I can totally get how it's hard for your dad to be the 'bad guy'. Is there a close friend who would be better? Can you set up some sort of system, notes or a list or something he can check, so maybe you can direct him to the list? I love trying to brainstorm ideas like this. I had a prof in college who knew I could do, and I had to meet with her weekly. But I was a little scared of her, so I really worked to get stuff done. Oh and she was definitely more of a mentor/supervisor than a friend.

I wish I lived closer and could help you nest and cook! Are you HBing or birth center or hospital?

[tomuchspade]

My aunt has been on medical marijuana for years for ADHD and bi polar. But she actually uses the real stuff for as long as I can remember. Long time. No one in the family has issues anymore with her, we just glad to see her calm these days.

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by tomuchspade

My aunt has been on medical marijuana for years for ADHD and bi polar. But she actually uses the real stuff for as long as I can remember. Long time. No one in the family has issues anymore with her, we just glad to see her calm these days.

I think my family thinks the same about me most times.


Maggirayne- You're right, I can't be scary enough to him for him to take me seriously. I mean, how can you be scared of someone you enjoy so much? He will just have to DECIDE to do it. bleh, oh well.


On a brighter note, I feel like my world is back in control because my computer is up and running. DH heard from someone at work that the same thing had happened to a whole bunch of people, and they'd called the phone company, and whatever they did fixed the computer! So just as he was about to call, he noticed that the modem was blinking again, and decided to turn it on and see what happened, and viola!

So, there we are. How's everyone else doing?

[Pumpkincat]

Thanks for welcoming me Heidi

I am sorry your world is so hard with your husband and your bad self talk. I share some of the same issues *hugs*.

Part of the reason i joined this community is because i really do not have anyone to talk to. Part of the reason for that is because of my own self, bad task management skills and lack of people who are like me around. I dunno, i guess i could right a lot about that one subject if i sat down and analysed it all.

I wanted to ask all you ladies if you have chronic fatigue or any suspected or diagnosed sleep disorders. A specialist diagnosed me with 3 different ones, none of which i am receiving treatment for. There are reasons for that tho, one is that i do not want to take any drugs while nursing or otherwise at this time, the other is that my CPAP (sleep apnea machine) is not calibrated correctly and I keep forgetting to deal with that, the other is that i am far too busy to see a therapist. I have zero babysitters and my baby will not take a bottle yet.

It is hard enough having ADHD combined type, on top of a sleep disorder and always being tired, i am not accomplising all i wish to, or need to being a mother of many.

It really is amazing how in the world i pull it all off. The kids are all pretty well adjusted, but all are disorganised.

[Maggirayne]

Aw, Pumpkincat, wow. I wish I could help watch baby while you got the CPAP adjusted. I can't imagine having sleep problems on top of nightnursing and ADD.

I'm praying for you!

[Pumpkincat]

thanks maggirayne

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

Aw, Pumpkincat, wow. I wish I could help watch baby while you got the CPAP adjusted. I can't imagine having sleep problems on top of nightnursing and ADD.

I'm praying for you!

Thank you, I need all the help i can get, but rarely do i ever ask for it in my daily life.

I have to work on my son taking a bottle, so at least his dad could care for him while i go somewhere. Also he is cloth diapered and I am not optimistic that anyone would want to deal with that. I do not know one person besides myself who does not use disposables.

It really is amazing how many issues a person can have, how much the social climate around them can teach them how to think.

One of the reasons i do not typically ask for help is because i have an extrememly impatient father who himself has ADHD (untreated) and who drinks as a medication. Much of my childhood and adult years he has down right raged at me for asking for help, belittled me, always made me feel like a burden. I am guessing that it is because he felt overwhelmed. So i guess it is back there in my head that if i ask for help, i am worthless. Sometimes i break out of that and just ask, often the person i am asking cannot help, sometimes they can.

I wish there was someone who could help me clean and organise my house. There is so much to do here. That makes me feel guilty. I remember this one time a very compassionate friend came and helped me. I was SOOOOO embarrassed when she seen the gook behind the faucet. I really almost broke down in tears and she seen that. She gave me a sympathetic look and cleaned it. I moved from that neighbourhood, so we do not talk anymore.

I have been very misunderstood in my life. That really causes my self esteem to plummet. Because i have a sleep disorder and ADHD, I would very often be late for class, fall asleep in class and have all my belongings in disarray. I actually got kicked out of 2 educational programs because they thought i was using drugs or alcohol! I was so upset, what an injustice! An ironic thing about that is that the coordinator of the programs has a son who has ADHD herself! I explained to her what was wrong, she did not listen to me.

I have it in my mind to start looking to see if there are any new, non-drug, programs that can help me. I am not optimistic about that being that our community is rather secluded from any major center. We basically are the major center. I usually have to do all that myself.

[Pumpkincat]

Sleep disorders?

Originally Posted by Pumpkincat

I wanted to ask all you ladies if you have chronic fatigue or any suspected or diagnosed sleep disorders. A specialist diagnosed me with 3 different ones, none of which i am receiving treatment for. There are reasons for that tho, one is that i do not want to take any drugs while nursing or otherwise at this time, the other is that my CPAP (sleep apnea machine) is not calibrated correctly and I keep forgetting to deal with that, the other is that i am far too busy to see a therapist. I have zero babysitters and my baby will not take a bottle yet.

It is hard enough having ADHD combined type, on top of a sleep disorder and always being tired, i am not accomplising all i wish to, or need to being a mother of many.

It really is amazing how in the world i pull it all off. The kids are all pretty well adjusted, but all are disorganised.

please have a happy day :

[Pumpkincat]

medical marijuana?

Originally Posted by tomuchspade

My aunt has been on medical marijuana for years for ADHD and bi polar. But she actually uses the real stuff for as long as I can remember. Long time. No one in the family has issues anymore with her, we just glad to see her calm these days.

I have heard of people using this for various things. My question is ``is she able to be productive while using it?`` I hear you saying she has calmed down, and that must be such a relief in itself. I myself have a sister who makes problems for everyone because of her own mismanagment of her mental health. In fact, we hardly have a relationship now because i do not want any crap around my children. I miss her dearly.

I wonder if the pot works to alleviate symptoms or does it just make one high so they are perpetually in their happy place and too stoned to make problems for others any longer.

I am very curious.

[Pookietooth]

Oh, yeah, I have it, and it makes being a homemaker/mom horrible.

[sonrisaa29]

I used to smoke pot in college and for me it made my ADD 1000x times worse. If I wanted to self medicate I'd use caffeine which works for short periods of time. The only way that I can function through my day at home and work and actually get things done is taking my meds. I take dexedrine and I find its the only one that works for me.

It actually helps remove that fog, and gives me the patience to deal with people.

[heidirk]

sonrisa- What is dexedrine? Isn't that a stimulant/weightloss drug? Any scary side effects?


Pumpkincat- I wanted to say that I think ADD/ADHD causes sleep problems, or maybe they go together. I'm one of those girls who could sleep 10+ hours each night, and still wake up feeling like I never slept at all. I KNOW lack of sleep increases my symptoms by an order of magnitude, and the emotional symptoms are particularly affected. (can anybody remember which effect/affect to use and when?)

I think one of the reasons valerian root works so well for me in helping to control my ADD, is because I take it at night and it works in a specific way in the brain during sleep. According to the book 'Healing Anxiety With Herbs' it helps increase dopamine production in the brain at night. THis helps stabilise serotonin production in the brain during the day the next day.

I had actually started taking it for muscle spasms, but I noticed that when I took it, I woke up feeling like I'd actually had some restful sleep. I've been taking it for almost 10 years, and the effect (affect?) has not diminished. In fact, I don't even have to take it all the time, If I forget or skip a few, it takes almost a week for me to notice a difference. A very good thing for people who have problems remembering to take pills!



AAM-Sorry I dissappeared for a few days, it's taken all of my energy/concentration to try to focus on getting the house ready for the BB. We've actually made some progress, and DH is getting comfy in his new job. A happy Husband is a blessing, and a real help when I'm running six different directions trying to accomplish things.


Here's a typical/funny from Friday-

My new friend Amy, who is a Mary Kay lady came to my house Friday to do a facial on my mom (who'd come over that day to help me can tomatos- how do I get myself into these situations?) and offer her some product in exchange for something I couldn't use. I'd gotten some makeup that my skin couldn't deal with and needed to return it.

Well, of course, I only have one bathroom, and you have to walk through the entire house (not kidding) to get to it. So when she gets here, I'm thinking, oh, I hope noone needs to use the restroom today. She ended up staying a while, because we were all having fun talking. and she and my mom had a good time. Oh, and we had coffee.

She mentioned at one point- she knows I have ADD, and some of how it affects me, although I can't remember how the subject came up- that she was sorried about her middle son, and how he was handling school. He's very bright, can't follow 5 directions at one time, (who really CAN- I'd like to know?) seems to 'wander off' in the middle of lessons, can't relate to the other kids. . . .etc. I'm thinking, hmmmm....sounds very familiar. . .

I asked her a few questions, and we got to talking, and my mom joins in, talking about how I was when I was young, and she borrows my copy of 'The Gift of ADHD'. I told her, I'm not saying he has it, and six is pretty young to know sometimes, but if things in the book start ringing bells, maybe you'll have more info to base a decision about getting him tested.

Then comes the words I've been dreading all morning. . ."Heidi, may I use your restroom?" : AARRGGHHHHHHH! I just laughed, because what else can you do at that point? I told her I'd guide her through the minefield, but keep in mind that the state of my house reflects the state of my brain, and she laughed too.

Earlier she'd told me that she appreciates me for who I am, and that she hopes I didn't feel too bombarded by her being there. She really is just a sweet soul, and I wish there were more people like her in the world.

[Maggirayne]

Eh, I know what you mean! actually tho' until recently, the bathroom is usually neate since clothes don't collect in there. but I started putting wet diapers in the tub instead of the laundry room floor since we're changing diapers in there. I should get a plastic trashcan with a lid. They need stripping, too, are starting to really stink.

My table is messy right now, and of course what you see right away when you come in.

[heidirk]

The actual bathroom wasn';t that bad, it was the two disadter areas we ahad to walk through to get to the bathroom!


But it's not all my fault, DH doesn't put ANYTHING away, at all! I told him last night, that the next diaperwrap I find laying around with a wet cloth diaper festering inside, would be placed inside his pillowcase! : Surprisingly enough, he didn't get angry, he just walked around gathering up all the wraps he'd left laying around, and took them down to the diaper pail! :

[Maggirayne]

at your threat! Yay that he picked up!

My Dh is awesome, will wipe off a PF, we don't have a sprayer, just use TP to clean messy dipes.

ETA: How are you doing? You're getting close!

[heidirk]

Yeah, I just had a MW appt yesterday, and both the nurse, and the Mw said, "Oh, you're ready to have a baby!" (um, yes?!) I'm not too uncomfortable, really, which is good, there's just a lot of cleaning yet to be done, and I'd really like to my HOUSE to at least APPEAR to be under control, so I can walk through a room W/O having a panic attack!


I hope to get some cooking/freezing done today! I'm excited about that!

DH is great with poopy cloth diapers, actually, he dips them in the toilet and everything. It's just the 'only wet' ones that get forgotten!
And now I've designated the utility tub in the basement (next to washer) for rinsing diapers after we shake off poop, anyway. So it's a bit less gross to take care of them. I'd give my left arm for a diaper sprayer!


I was trying to explain to my mom yesterday, how it's a challenge to deal with the extreme (for us) change in DH's hours. It's not working to just have DS nap later/longer, he's still hysterical by 7:30 pm, and should be on his way to bed. So I'm going to have to draw up a schedule, to try to re-organize our day so we don't have three (soon 4) people all melting down as soon as DH gets home. Of course, she's like, "Oh, just do, this, and then this. . " ANd I'm getting anxious just listening to her.

The necessity of acknowledging the strain (for my own mental health) and yet still requiring myself to overcome the circumstances (so we can all function) is overwhelming.


On a good note, I got 'relieved from responsibilities' at church until I'm ready after the baby comes! : P Sue said, "We decided you were under enough stress already." Took 'em long enough to figure that one out.

[Pumpkincat]

Originally Posted by heidirk

DH is great with poopy cloth diapers, actually, he dips them in the toilet and everything. It's just the 'only wet' ones that get forgotten!
And now I've designated the utility tub in the basement (next to washer) for rinsing diapers after we shake off poop, anyway. So it's a bit less gross to take care of them. I'd give my left arm for a diaper sprayer!

The necessity of acknowledging the strain (for my own mental health) and yet still requiring myself to overcome the circumstances (so we can all function) is overwhelming.


On a good note, I got 'relieved from responsibilities' at church until I'm ready after the baby comes! : P Sue said, "We decided you were under enough stress already." Took 'em long enough to figure that one out.

I am happy for you that you have supportive people at your church to help you. I know what it is like to need help and not get it. It is important for you to be able to have calmness while the baby is coming. Congrats on that BTW! Babies are so wonderful!

My church is not supportive so much. It is a large church with many programs, i think they toot their own horn a lot. I was a single mom for a long time (it has been only 1 1/2 yrs since i have been married, and we have many problems, a whole other topic i know) and there was a few times i was going through absolute crisis and I desperately needed help, i asked for it and nothing. They said there was no one available to help me! Can you believe that?! Meanwhile thousands of church dollars are used to send the pastoral staff on exotic missonary crusades. We still go there because our kids like the children's program. I really have to stop talking about that right there because I am starting to rant. There is a lot i could say about this, but I digress.

We recently got a diaper sprayer, it is so awesome! I HATE dunking! It was easy and it was cheap. My husband went to re-store (a store run by habitate for humanity) and bought a second hand kitchen sink sprayer for $2.00. Then he went to Canadian tire and bought this valve that splits the water line on the back of the toilet. He turned off the water, attached the line for the toilet and the sprayer, turned the water back on and it works incredibly! I think it cost a grand total of under $10! Maybe you can do that too. I am so happy we have one, it makes clean up so much easier!

Good luck with everything, i hope your day is peaceful.