was trying to figure out the best place to talk about this, and I think it goes here.
I'm having a really difficult time trying to figure out how to take care of my own children at once. It's really extremely difficult for me. It's not just about taking care of them, but how to relate to both of them at once. I have a pretty typical one-track AD/hd mind, I can only handle one thing at a time to the exclusion of everything else, so I'm finding handling my 2week old and my 3yo together to be daunting.
I'm on Zoloft for postpartum depression. My mom had been helping me a lot with my 3yo over the past couple of weeks while I heal up and stuff.
I also feel like I have to emotionally ready myself to deal with both boys. The last few times I had my two children alone together, I felt some extreme anxiety. Not just teary, or unsure, but like, my heart was racing, and I really felt like I was freaking out. Meanwhile both of my boys are sitting there looking at me like, and each other, like
whats her problem.
I felt like I really needed to get a handle on myself and let my meds really kick in.
Well tonight, I really thought I had a handle on myself. My mom drops my 3yo off today, my husband goes to work. He is off tomorrow. So it's like, to me, I just have to really make it through his one 8 hour shift tonight and then he's around all day tomorrow to help and most of the day friday. Things are good.
I took my kid to mcdonalds to play indoors since it was raining. Nursed the baby while I was there. Took him to the store afterwards to replace a special little car that he'd lost and had been asking about for weeks so he'd have something special to play with when we got home and I was occupied with the baby. Things are ok.
...or so I thought. This is how I know I didn't have quite have the handle on my anxiety that I thought I did.
We get home, my 3yo wants a bath. That's fine. All I have to do is put the baby in the carseat and screw the stopper down in the bathtub so it can be filling up. So I put the baby down...
I fiddle with the stopper. And fiddle. And fiddle. The stupid thing will absolutely NOT screw down. It's old and rusty but Im usually easily able to get it to screw down. I. just. can't. My 3yo is axiously beside me ready for his bath, asking me the same questions over and over again. "U fix it mommy? It's broke? U fix it? U fix it? U fix it?"
Finally I annoyedly tell him to hush..
The baby starts crying. I'm freaking out. I finally stop and go to comfort him.
I calm him down, my 3yo is on my heels everywhere I go cause he wants to take a bath with his new toy.
Eventually I try putting the baby down again. I try to screw the stopper down again. It stilll won't. The 3yo is getting excited. The baby eventually starts screaming again. This time really bad. So I"m getting extremely frustrated with the stopper. It takes me a while to calm the baby down this time. My 3yo is starting to do stuff he knows annoys me to get attention from me, basically in defiance because he wants his bath and I haven't had a chance to get it together for him yet..
I try calling my husband like 3 times with no answer to get him to explain to me if there is something he's done with the stopper or broke it or something and I not know about it. FINALLY i reach him, he's like no, just screw it down.
So finally, I put the baby down one more time. I pull his bucket seat in with me so he can watch us. He sits in it and starts to doze off.
And a novel idea hits me. What if I tried screwing the stopper in the opposite direction? I do this. Quick as a flash, the stopper screws down.
moment for me. All that time I was screwing the stopper the wrong way and was too busy freaking out to notice. Ugh.
so...I guess my brain hasn't quite calmed itself down being wrapped around the notion of caring for two children as well as I thought it had. only some one with anxiety plus add would understand