Looking for Mommas with ADD/ADHD... - Page 23

[heidirk]

This year, my MIL basically told nme that if we weren't buying gifts, I needed to at least make them. Well.

So I made cutout cookies, the kind ou decorate, and chex mix, and pumpkin bread. Everyone was impressed. They'd have been even more impressed if they'd seen what my kitchen looked like after I was done. Oh. My. Goodness.

We did ok in the last minute shopping department, we did run out Christmas eve, but only to one place, and the grocery store for sposies. But DH and I were up till 1:30 Christmas morning wrapping gifts. THen the morning of the 26th, I spent making pumpkin bread, and packing tins of cookies, and had to send DH out to the grocery store. then we packed the car and headed out to His parent's for second Christmas. Whew.

We did NO cards this year. I kept saving the envelopes, and DH kept finding them and throwing them away.

we had a wonderful time, actually, and had fun seeing family. I love Christmas, but I'm glad it's over.

[heidirk]

Happy New Year!


I hope everyone had a splendid Holiday, and is anticipating a peaceful new year. I know that's a bit of a stretch for some of us, though!

I have already managed to complicate my life further, and 2009 (!!!!!!!) has just begun! I am going to care for a friend's child, who is just 9 days older than my tiny one. She is is desparate need of good childcare, and being qualified, it was hard for me not to offer to help.


So here we are, and good luck everyone!

H

[~Boudicca~]

Happy New Year to everyone too!

I feel like 2009 is going to be the year I seriously get my sh*t together. I feel so on the ball these days, it's great.

See you later, I am a decluttering machine right now (It's times like these where hyperfocus is my friend)!

[KurumiSophia]

I've been cheerfully lurking in this thread. It's been very informative on how you all manage your ADHD.

Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to medicating my ADHD. DD is now 15 months old and the pressure to wean from my DH and my MIL so I can have a more effective medication is strong, esp. since I start 3 classes this semester.

When I denied my DD her boobies for the first time last night, I cried. It hurt so much to see her clawing at my shirt and my just snuggling her to try to distract her from it. I know she needs a mom who can concentrate but I know she needs her boobies too.

I'm not sure what the point of this is, just a vent of sorts. *slides back into lurkdom of the thread*

[heidirk]

Hello KurumiSophia! Welcome!

I'm sorry that more effective meds will mean you have to wean. 15 months is a special time. I know it seemed to me my ds1 began to turn into such a neat little person, and he wasn't ready to wean then either. Emotional stress can make Adhd worse, too, so may be now is not the best time if you're starting classes?

Are your DH and you MIL justified in pressuring you? I mean is the new med completely incompatable with bf'ing? Maybe you can check out a few and find out if there's one you can use. Maybe you can see how classes go and then see if you need a stronger med? Can you sit down and have a heart to heart with your DH? Sometimes if I want to have an important discussionwith someone, I have to write down the main points so I can get out what I need to say. What is you DH concerned the most about? If it's the state of the house, he may need to step up the the plate more there if you're going to take classes- which he should be willing to do even if you didn't have ADHD.

We're here for you to throw ideas at, so talk away!


H

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by heidirk

Hello KurumiSophia! Welcome!

I'm sorry that more effective meds will mean you have to wean. 15 months is a special time. I know it seemed to me my ds1 began to turn into such a neat little person, and he wasn't ready to wean then either. Emotional stress can make Adhd worse, too, so may be now is not the best time if you're starting classes?

Are your DH and you MIL justified in pressuring you? I mean is the new med completely incompatable with bf'ing? Maybe you can check out a few and find out if there's one you can use. Maybe you can see how classes go and then see if you need a stronger med? Can you sit down and have a heart to heart with your DH? Sometimes if I want to have an important discussionwith someone, I have to write down the main points so I can get out what I need to say. What is you DH concerned the most about? If it's the state of the house, he may need to step up the the plate more there if you're going to take classes- which he should be willing to do even if you didn't have ADHD.

We're here for you to throw ideas at, so talk away!


H

There is a certain justification since even on 40mg of Ritalin, I'm not doing so hot. It seemed to work for a time, but has dropped in effectiveness. Both MIL and DH had a sit down w/me last night about how she has to constantly remind me to do things like clean, etc. And w/my classes starting soon, how am I going to not only do them but do them well in addition to be a wife, mom, etc. I tend to leave a trail of unfinished tasks behind me which is so not good. My NP is wary of any nursing mother being on meds for ADHD and I had to fight just to get what I have.

So I'm just sort of at my wits end 'cause I need to be able to concentrate but neither she nor I are ready to wean.

[flminivanmama]

Hi KS - I am looking some info up on ADD and medications - this doesn't take the place of a discussion with your doctor - but may be helpful for you
http://neonatal.ama.ttuhsc.edu/cgi-b...cus/discus.cgi

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by flminivanmama

Hi KS - I am looking some info up on ADD and medications - this doesn't take the place of a discussion with your doctor - but may be helpful for you
http://neonatal.ama.ttuhsc.edu/cgi-b...cus/discus.cgi

I gave that one to my nurse practitioner and she still is hedging. The two I had before her were much more open to me nursing and taking medication when I showed them I'd done my research and knew what I was talking about. I swear she thinks I'm a bad mommy for nursing and taking these meds @ the same time.

[studentmama]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

I gave that one to my nurse practitioner and she still is hedging. The two I had before her were much more open to me nursing and taking medication when I showed them I'd done my research and knew what I was talking about. I swear she thinks I'm a bad mommy for nursing and taking these meds @ the same time.

What other things are you doing to help it? What are you struggling with?

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by studentmama

What other things are you doing to help it? What are you struggling with?

I'm avoiding Red 40 like the plague, taking my medication exactly as prescribed, trying to follow events on the calendar, and using as much force of will as I can muster. Chores are still left undone unless someone reminds me and stays on top of me, I'll get lost online instead of doing things like, oh, studying. I have the worst time remembering to do regular meals, etc.

It's one mishap after another and I need to get it under control but am lost and under pressure.

[Maggirayne]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

I've been cheerfully lurking in this thread. It's been very informative on how you all manage your ADHD.

Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to medicating my ADHD. DD is now 15 months old and the pressure to wean from my DH and my MIL so I can have a more effective medication is strong, esp. since I start 3 classes this semester.

When I denied my DD her boobies for the first time last night, I cried. It hurt so much to see her clawing at my shirt and my just snuggling her to try to distract her from it. I know she needs a mom who can concentrate but I know she needs her boobies too.

I'm not sure what the point of this is, just a vent of sorts. *slides back into lurkdom of the thread*

Hey, Welcome! I haven't been around as much. I can't imagine going back to school.

I would have a good talk with your DH about what he expects. Are you living with your MIL? Otherwise, she should butt out. Weaning is up to you.

With the Ritalin not as effective (how long have you been on it?) it would be hard and pointless for you to wean before you planned and then have the meds lose effectiveness quickly.

I cannot imagine weaning my 20 mo, and I've been nursing through painful preggy nips.(Not as bad as some I've heard, but I can't imagine how else to get her to nap and easy bedtimes. But I should be doing something possibly before baby come.

Anyhow, have you seen this thread on ADD meds?

It can be good to have input from others, but regarding nursing, I get bull-headed(shut up, stay out of my business/boobness).

If you need an accountability partner for stuff(or even one area), just ask!

I know, well, I think, I described how I got thru my last year of college classes without meds. Having a good plan and a mentor made a HUGE difference.

Anyhow, I wrote the due dates for homework on a calendar (and in my MS Outlook so it popped up reminders). Then I counted back from the due date three weeks, that was the Start date for projects. Then a week before the due date, I wrote Finish date. I checked in with my mentor weekly to make sure I was on track. The only thing is, if you can, and you got it done, hand it in, don't wait for the due date and forget.

As for house stuff, you can tell, it helps some of us, if we post a list on here of things we want to do, and check back and say, "I got yada-yada done." And we all cheer for you! :

I hope some of that helps. It's not easy.

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

There is a certain justification since even on 40mg of Ritalin, I'm not doing so hot. It seemed to work for a time, but has dropped in effectiveness. Both MIL and DH had a sit down w/me last night about how she has to constantly remind me to do things like clean, etc. And w/my classes starting soon, how am I going to not only do them but do them well in addition to be a wife, mom, etc. I tend to leave a trail of unfinished tasks behind me which is so not good. My NP is wary of any nursing mother being on meds for ADHD and I had to fight just to get what I have.

So I'm just sort of at my wits end 'cause I need to be able to concentrate but neither she nor I are ready to wean.

now i'm going to get stubborn too. i may have misunderstood, but it sounds like both of them want you to take care of them in addiotion to being a mom and student. is your MIL disabled? does she need you to provide care for her in some way? imho your dd needs your milk more than the floor needs vaccuumed.

if you readthe thread you've seen that we all deal with these things- unfinished projects; getting 'lost' on the internet; trtying to clean and accomplishinmg nothing, etc. i think their expectationsof you are a tad unrealistic. i'm not trying to be mean, this comes across sloppy and stark b/c i'm NAK.

please reexamine their exopectations, and unless she lives with you and needs your care, i agree w/maggirayne, she should butt out!

H

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by Maggirayne

Hey, Welcome! I haven't been around as much. I can't imagine going back to school.

I would have a good talk with your DH about what he expects. Are you living with your MIL? Otherwise, she should butt out. Weaning is up to you.

Yes, we live w/MIL (It was either that or a ghetto. We chose MIL)

With the Ritalin not as effective (how long have you been on it?) it would be hard and pointless for you to wean before you planned and then have the meds lose effectiveness quickly.

I've been on the Ritalin for at least 6 months with a gradual dosage increase from 20mg/day to 40mg/day.

Anyhow, have you seen this thread on ADD meds?

It can be good to have input from others, but regarding nursing, I get bull-headed(shut up, stay out of my business/boobness).

I've seen it, posted in it 1x and sorta forgot about it. (where's the sheepish smiley when I need it?) It's kinda frustrating for her to tell me that she thinks a year is more than enough and that my DD has all the immunities from it, yet I get through tantrums (omg, the tantrums), naptime, bedtime, snack time, ow I bonked my head really hard time, etc. w/nursing. To lose that in favor of medication that is more effective = a rock and a hard place to use the old cliche.

If you need an accountability partner for stuff(or even one area), just ask!

That would be helpful I think. I have the worst memory for chores, etc.

I know, well, I think, I described how I got thru my last year of college classes without meds. Having a good plan and a mentor made a HUGE difference.

Anyhow, I wrote the due dates for homework on a calendar (and in my MS Outlook so it popped up reminders). Then I counted back from the due date three weeks, that was the Start date for projects. Then a week before the due date, I wrote Finish date. I checked in with my mentor weekly to make sure I was on track. The only thing is, if you can, and you got it done, hand it in, don't wait for the due date and forget.

That actually sounds like a good plan. I have both a large assignment notebook I got on the cheap from Office Depot, a wall calendar, and a calendar on Google. (Can't tell I live and die by the calendar, huh? )

As for house stuff, you can tell, it helps some of us, if we post a list on here of things we want to do, and check back and say, "I got yada-yada done." And we all cheer for you! :

I hope some of that helps. It's not easy.

You actually put some pretty helpful tips on there. Next is actually sitting down and setting it up.

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by heidirk

now i'm going to get stubborn too. i may have misunderstood, but it sounds like both of them want you to take care of them in addiotion to being a mom and student. is your MIL disabled? does she need you to provide care for her in some way? imho your dd needs your milk more than the floor needs vaccuumed.

if you readthe thread you've seen that we all deal with these things- unfinished projects; getting 'lost' on the internet; trtying to clean and accomplishinmg nothing, etc. i think their expectationsof you are a tad unrealistic. i'm not trying to be mean, this comes across sloppy and stark b/c i'm NAK.

please reexamine their exopectations, and unless she lives with you and needs your care, i agree w/maggirayne, she should butt out!

H

She's not disabled but she does work from home doing database management and programming for a mortgage company. (Stuff that flies way the heck over my head.) So it's been my job of sorts to keep up on the housework, which I'm really freakin' bad at.

The vacuuming and dusting is actually really needed since MIL is severely asthmatic and highly allergic to dust. (It's the whole breathing thing we like, yanno?)

I know you're not trying to be mean. :-) I can come across pretty stark myself so I'm there w/you. Oh, that was the other complaint, saying things in conversation that aren't appropriate but I was given no examples.

DH tries but he worked nights and so cleaning for him was nigh impossible since he worked at night and slept the majority of the day away.

[studentmama]

Originally Posted by KurumiSophia

I'm avoiding Red 40 like the plague, taking my medication exactly as prescribed, trying to follow events on the calendar, and using as much force of will as I can muster. Chores are still left undone unless someone reminds me and stays on top of me, I'll get lost online instead of doing things like, oh, studying. I have the worst time remembering to do regular meals, etc.

It's one mishap after another and I need to get it under control but am lost and under pressure.

Hey there m, I am with you 150%! It is really tough and sometimes it constantly feels like trying to swim against the current.

What have you got for a support system? Who's helping around the house? Kids? Dh?

Any other things you are doing with your diet? Any supplements? How about exercise?

What are you doing for stress relief?

I have CLO, vit b complex, zinc to be very helpful, and generally eating well. I can tell when I have been running ragged and I start eating too much fast food or out, I can really feel the drag on my mind and body.

As for an accountablity partner, I need one of those too. I desparetly need to get all my projects in order, get some deadlines, and follow through.

[heidirk]

Kurumi- I hope you don't think you 'deserve' to do all the housework just because you have ADD? And everyone says innapropriate things in conversation, EVERYONE. I wish I could come give you a huge hug. I really think MIL is taking advantage of you a tiny bit.

It's tough taking classes and being a mom. I was taking classes online, and pregnant, with a 2 yo. That was last January, and hopefully, in Feb. I'll be able to start up again. I don't know how it will wiork now that I'll be caring for another child, but somehow I will do it, because it MUST be done.

There's a book you should look for, it's written specifically for women with ADD/ADHD. It's called, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid?" I can't remember the author (or find my copy ).

A lot of gifts come with having ADHD, too. So don't shortchange yourself, you have the power to accomplish amazing things!

H

[KurumiSophia]

Originally Posted by studentmama

Hey there m, I am with you 150%! It is really tough and sometimes it constantly feels like trying to swim against the current.

What have you got for a support system? Who's helping around the house? Kids? Dh?

DH tries as best he can. (We think he has a processing disorder of some kind but don't have the wherewithal to find out what sort(s))

Any other things you are doing with your diet? Any supplements? How about exercise?

Nothing else really I do w/my diet. Its a good day if I remember to eat more than 1x/day.

What are you doing for stress relief?

Not terribly much. I'm at home pretty much all the time. If I'm not procrastinating on housework, I'm doing housework, taking care of my kiddo, or sleeping. I cross stitch but I'm not sure that counts.

[transformed]

my ADD hubby is getting ready to go back to school. He wont do anything with his diet so he is going to get on medss. that is, if he isnt too add/hd to get to the doctor.

I think its the only way he is going to make it through.



I am excited for him.

[rodsmommy]

We have two boys with ADHD. I highly recommend the book "Why Can't My Child Behave?" by Jane Hershey. We are just starting the Feingold diet.

[mamabohl]

Happy New Year everybody! Yeah, the holidays are totally crazy and overwhelming for me too. It seems like starting Oct 1st all i focus on is holiday plans. My son's birthday is in the end of oct so i spend all that month planning the bday party (I totally overplan for fear of procrastinating and then not having a party, lol), then Halloween (we made costumes this year), then I'm planning the Thanksgiving dinner and planning all the wonderful gifts I'm going to make for Christmas (yeah, that works never).

Last year I actually did pretty well, I got the Christmas letters written and mailed before Christmas, I mailed out framed family pics to parents and grandparents (and most of them arrived BEFORE xmas!), and i made two homemade toys for my boys and a little girl that we always give xmas gifts to.

This year though....with being in my first trimester I ended up not getting any of the homemade toys done, I did make a tutu for the girl and a no-sew fleece blanket for my dh (with power rangers fabric, lol). I didn't get any xmas letter written or cards mailed out, and the new family pics and frames are sitting upstairs still...*sigh.* At least i managed to get all the shopping done (we only buy gifts for our kids and each other, so shopping and wrapping doesn't take us too much time), and i wasn't up too late on xmas eve. Now i just hope we can actually put this years Christmas video onto disk and get it mailed out soon...along with last years, which still hasn't been put on disk either. D'oh!

I got You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy!? in the mail a couple weeks ago, i haven't started reading it yet but I'm excited! I've been to busy researching birth decisions and reading the Twilight series again (dh got it for me for xmas).

I've been taking a lot more vitamins/supplements now that I'm pregnant, I want to have the healthiest, happiest baby possible. My last baby was so so fussy and high needs...it just about drove me crazy. Anyways I'm taking a hypo-allergenic foods based prenatal and extra calcium blend, a neuromins DHA supplemet, cranberry pills, ginko biloba and probiotics. I need to start taking valerian root again, I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm also trying to go soy and dairy free in the hopes of preventing an extremely fussy baby (last ds was fussy because of alergies/sensitivities)...but it's So hard. The hardest things for me are the things that have tiny amounts, butter and soy sauce. I just can't seem to live without some kind of butter spread, but all the margarines have soy! So I'm going with small amounts of butter right now, since soy was the bigger culprit.....And i don't even really like soy sauce, but there are just three recipes that i can't imagine living without for so long and they all have soy sauce in the ingredients list. Waaaa!

So on Christmas Eve my 4yo ds started flippng out about what will happen after we die. He wanted to know for sure that there would be another life after this! I told him that it depends on what you believe and explained a little bit about some people believing in afterlife and about the idea of heaven from other religions...but that wasn't good enough, he wanted to know for sure. Come to find out on Christmas day...he thought we were all going to die once Christmas was over! Once I explained to him that he would see lots more Christmases he was ok. He said he got the idea that we were going to die from "a book in his head." Oi! Pointing out that he remembers last Christmas and lived through that one helped too, lol.

So, that's a bit of what's going on/been going on here. Hope everyone's having a happy new year!