Hi everyone and nice to meet you all!
I'm Esper, I'm 23 yrs old and 7 months pregnant with my first. This has been a tough pregnancy for me, more than I expected. It's nice to have a place where I can just poor out my whole story, so sorry for the impending long post but I need to vent!
Ok, so. I live in a small apartment with my boyfriend, Joe. He is going to college to be an English teacher. He also works at office max, but I have no job because (alas) I don't know how to drive. I moved around too much during school and no one has ever had the time to teach me, though I do have my permit. I also get panic attacks when I get behind the wheel, which may or may not have something to do with the horrible car accident we got into last summer.
So before I got pregnant, I was the "good little house-wife," doing all the dishes, cooking and cleaning, basically waiting on Joe hand and foot. It wasn't that he pressured me into this, it just didn't get done if I didn't do it.
After I got pregnant, I couldn't do a damn thing. I laid in bed, Joe followed me around with a bucket in case I got sick, which I did, frequently. I was really worried about dehydration, I couldn't keep down anything. I had light and noise sensitivity and headaches. I had to sleep on the futon in the living room because I couldn't stand the scent of a man. Anytime someone walked over to me too fast I could feel my body starting to panic. I felt like a cornered animal. Joe was so supportive of me, he would do the dishes and cook and clean, and tell me how proud he was of me, and that I was doing a good job. This boy should be sainted.
His parents on the other hand
: Liked to insinuate that somehow I was faking it, that I was lazy and taking advantage of him. His mom even came out and told me that she thought I was bad news for him because I was sick all the time and he would have to put up with that for the rest of his life. She choose this highly emotional time for me to tell me that I didn't clean good enough, that I somehow kept Joe up late at night because when he came home from work he looked so tired, and why weren't we married yet, I should start planning because the baby will be here sooner than you think. I ended up biting a huge chunk of the inside of my mouth clean off, to prevent myself from crying in front of her.
I should mention that his parents were living with us on and off and they were in fact the reason that we lived in an apartment that was too big for us and that we couldn't afford. They sell insurance and told us they needed an IL residence to be able to sell here and that they would pay half of our rent and utilities if we just kept that room open for them whenever they wanted to show up. At the time both of us were unemployed and living off of Joe's student loan so it seemed that that would be an ok proposition since they really hadn't been around that much before that.
So they moved all their office crap in there and proceeded to live with us for about 4 months, never giving us a dime. But they did our dishes, and they'd go out and buy steaks and all kinds of expensive food that we didn't want or need. They resumed treating Joe like a child (which he hates), like asking if he was hungry and him saying no, and them making him a sandwich anyway, and acting like he owed them something for it. They also left the lights on everywhere, the heat turned way up, their computers on when they left, and ordered extra channels on our cable by pretending to be us. If we brought up anything about the bills or what they owed us, it would result in a huge blow up. Joe and I are very quiet people, and they just yell and scream and get defensive, they fought with each other constantly. I would just lock the bedroom door and cry.
Eventually they moved back to their mom's house for awhile, still haven't given us a dime. As of now they owe us about 4 thousand dollars. I tried to talk to them about putting the baby stuff in "thier" room, ya know like a nursery? They told me I could just wait because they were going to get their own apartment, but they weren't sure when.
So by that time I'd gotten over the morning sickness but I had a new problem: my teeth hurt. A few years back I had got some pretty shotty fillings that had fallen out, and now my teeth hurt so bad that I couldn't eat or even leave the house I was in so much pain. We made an emergency appointment at a random dentist's office and I had to get four teeth removed, all the ones I chew with. I know it sounds vain but at least they were all in the back so you don't notice it when I smile. I had to drink ensure because I could take my vitamins, which had been giving me terrible stomach cramps anyway.
So since we do not have insurance and we are definately low income, the government is taking care of the cost of my checkups and delivery, I also get WIC and am applying for subsidized housing. I don't enjoy taking handouts and being so stuck under thier thumb as far as my choices, but it's kind of my only option. Joe's dad is oh so republican, so I'm afraid of even bringing it up around him. He's constantly giving Joe "the talk" and making him listen to rich dad, poor dad tapes while they are in the car together.
I went in to the Dr.'s to get a recent check up and I have lost 9 pounds since the begining of the pregnancy. I've been eating so much, it's all I do, I sit around and stuff my face 40 times a day and I am still losing weight. The nurses treat me like a criminal, "You shouldn't be on a diet," they say with a sneer while looking at my thighs. I'm ready to punch some body.
Ok thanks for letting me rant a bit, this was the condensed version, lol.
Anyway, I need a few friends, and this seems like a very nice place.