Are you a professional mom who opted out? - Page 2

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by KariM

I think I fit in here.
Has anyone else feel remotely this way before? What have you done/are you doing about it?
I started with therapy. Honestly, it was to the point where I needed a neutral professional opinion to ground me. I finally realized with the therapist's assistance that I need to look to myself for satisfaction. I had been letting others define me and especially allowing my career to define me. I've been more assertive in demanding "me" time and engaging in creative pursuits. While balancing the needs of my kids I'm also fulfilling my needs as circumstances allow.

Isn't it sad though, that we women even have to resort to therapy because of the work/family conflict and societal pressure and mini-identity crisis. Don't men define themselves by their career? But they don't face the same potential to lose their identities because they don't have to choose between work and family. It's totally the burden of the mom. In my case though, since my dh was laid off for a year and didn't get the same type of work for 6 years, he actually gets the feelings I go through. So in a sense, he has had a bit of an identity crisis himself and he's very sympathetic to what I think about.

I think the thing that disappoints me the most is the lack of community of like-minded individuals around me. There is a group of Moms and More which I thought was intended to be for moms who choose to sequence (work, stay at home for a period of time and then reenter the workforce) and I thought would be a good fit for me. However, my local group is more of a social group, and not focusing on more intellectual discussions and focusing on work re-entry at some point or of how to create a work at home situation (other than the typical partylite, tupperware, mary kay setup). I went into the first meeting thinking like, oh, yeah, I'm going to start preparing myself for work re-entry and this is going to give me the support I need while I do it, but no, it was all about playdates and social calender events, with one eventual speaker to come in about how to put together a resume and how to "dress for success". Um... I have a two page CV, I don't need tips on a resume and I have an idea of what the professional apparel looks like but thanks, anyway.

Anyway, maybe I need to post an ad in the paper. Start my own group or something. I mean obviously, there are women like me out there in the online community as this thread shows and gives me hope. There must be one or two locally to me. There has to be, there are many towns around me in suburbia.

[journeymom]

I want to hit Linda Hirshman up-side the head. Yes, it IS about choice, choice, choice, thankyouverymuch. These women she's deriding do not describe me, my thought process, my choices. How blindly presumptuous. I'm thoroughly insulted.

I wrote up a diatribe of several paragraphs but this doesn't deserve it. This woman is a spin-meister and her message is too simple and full of hyperbole. Maybe her book provides proof of her claims, but this article certainly doesn't.

Yes, I, with careful thought, willingly chose to leave my employment to be at home with my kids. I did so fully aware that when I go back to work I will have a harder time getting a job than younger women. I'll have a long stretch of time on my resume to explain. I probably won't get a job that pays as much as if I had stayed in the work place. I AM dependent upon my husband.

I've always been one to feel "I'm doing what I want to do and to heck with anyone else". But is this a bad idea? Is this why I'm so conflicted? Maybe I should be pursuing rebuilding a career and figuring out how I can do that with minimal impact to my children's well-being.

If what you want to do coincides with what you know is the right thing to do, then no, it is not a bad idea, it's the best idea.

I have passionate opinions about this issues, but I'll have to post more later.

[JenBuckyfan]

I'm glad you posted this. I do not have children yet, but I could've written the same post as you did just on my feelings about what direction I will head when I do have kids. I have an Industrial Engineering degree and worked for a large company for about 5 years. I worked my way up from the bottom to as high as I could get without having to relocate, pay was good, benefits fine, etc. I knew that a promotion was possible within 3-5 years, though that would mean having to move wherever the company needs me to go, and that moving would likely occur from then on, every 4-5 years. I liked many things about my job(s) within the company, but my 13-14 hour days with my commute were trying and I was having a hard time balancing any "life" into my schedule. My DH has a job that pays well and has great benefits and he is one of the lucky few who gets to perform his hobby for his job. After a series of months of being unhappy and stressed, I quit. I didn't just quit for those two reasons, I also figured that with the hours I was putting in, along with DH's hours which are around 10 hours a day, there was no room for a baby, at least if we wanted to see it. We don't have any family around, so we'd have to rely soley on daycare or hiring a nanny to raise our child. Neither one of us was put in daycare and I was heartbroken that my work would consume my life and that I would miss many moments.

Sometimes I get really mad at myself for falling into the "you can do anything you set your mind to" trap. Not once did anyone say,"You know, the engineering field is often all or nothing. If you want to have children, you are likely going to have to make a choice between working full time or not working". I have found very few professional engineering jobs that allow you to work PT. I wish I would have taken my analytic background and done something that can be done PT. I also didn't necessarily follow my heart when I chose what to major in, but I did what was right at the time.

I don't feel like I fit in. I partly want to be a SAHM (we are TTC, I haven't found a job yet that I feel will fulfill my needs and interests that aren't Manufacturing Engineering-related). At the same time, I want to continue to develop professionally and I hate hate hate feeling as though I am dependant on my DH for money. I feel so selfish spending a dime. When I was working, I spent what I wanted when I wanted to and didn't feel so guilty all of the time. Lots of the moms around me are older than I am (I'm 29) and they had a career until 35+ and they were professionals so they have plenty of money to do whatever they want to now. I want to contribute, everytime someone asks me what I am doing now, I just cringe. I have even been told "well you just don't want to work", which is really far from the truth, but that's a whole other thread. I'm hoping that when we have a baby I'll feel a bit more fulfilled because I will have a purpose. I would love to be able to find a PT professional job that allows me the ability to keep up professional skills and have some adult conversation, yet let me spend lots of precious time with my kid(s).

I always try to remind myself that what I did for a profession is not who I am. When I am on my deathbed I will not be thinking about what I did for a career, but will be thinking of the moments I will have had with my children and family. I will raise my children to follow their hearts' desires and will also have them think a little about what they want to do family-wise in the future.

I don't think you made a mistake by opting out. At the same time, if you love biology you should feel no shame in wanting to keep it a part of your life. Maybe you'll be able to teach PT or can somehow work for a lab part time. I also don't think that staying home for a period of years is "nothing". I plan to change my title from Industrial Engineer to Domestic Engineer. Heck, I may even put it on my resume and list additional skills gained from being at home! Your organization skills, scheduling skills, multi-tasking skills, patience, etc. have all been improved upon since staying at home. I've read articles that convey that women who have been SAHM are having an easier time getting hired because employers are seeing how valuable they are.

You are definitely not the only one feeling the way you do. I think the decision is even harder when you can make it on one household income. If I had to work I would and that'd be the way it would have to be. Sometime I hope for a multiples birth because then I think I'd have no choice but to stay home and I'd been too busy to think about anything else!

sorry for the novel....

[Miss Information]

No, Jen - don't apologize for the novel. I think this is something we all need. A safe place to really express the thought processes that went into the choices we made. As well as express the frustration that for all the "opportunity" America affords, there really isn't a way to tailor most professional jobs around a family.

Oh, and once I did apply back at the very first job I ever had. It is probably one of the only labs in the nearby suburbs of the city. I practically expressed the opinion that I didn't care what kind of job they gave me or how much it paid, just that I would be able to work close to home. I don't even think I was considered because I was a bit too overqualified for some, and simply didn't have quite the right experience for others. Needless to say, I didn't try very hard, and I probably should have pressed the issue. Maybe I should have at the time, but I didn't realize the very next job opportunity would land me at the university, so in a way, I'm glad they rejected me. I know for a fact, in the past, they literally hired people off the street and trained them to do some of the grunt work. But I bet, if I tried harder, actually go in person to talk to someone, I may just may be able to swing a position back there.

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by journeymom

I want to hit Linda Hirshman up-side the head. Yes, it IS about choice, choice, choice, thankyouverymuch. These women she's deriding do not describe me, my thought process, my choices. How blindly presumptuous. I'm thoroughly insulted.

I wrote up a diatribe of several paragraphs but this doesn't deserve it. This woman is a spin-meister and her message is too simple and full of hyperbole. Maybe her book provides proof of her claims, but this article certainly doesn't.

Yes, I, with careful thought, willingly chose to leave my employment to be at home with my kids. I did so fully aware that when I go back to work I will have a harder time getting a job than younger women. I'll have a long stretch of time on my resume to explain. I probably won't get a job that pays as much as if I had stayed in the work place. I AM dependent upon my husband.



If what you want to do coincides with what you know is the right thing to do, then no, it is not a bad idea, it's the best idea.

I have passionate opinions about this issues, but I'll have to post more later.

Thanks for posting. I read and re-read her article and I'm still in shock over a lot of what she'd said. And yes, she supposedly does have children of her own.

I'd love to hear your passionate opinions. On the other hand, if any one is interested in social reform, I found this website, which interestingly enough did have something fairly interesting to say about Ms. Hirshman's article.

http://www.mothersmovement.org/featu...omebound_2.htm

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by kmcmommyto3

I'd love to hear your passionate opinions. On the other hand, if any one is interested in social reform, I found this website, which interestingly enough did have something fairly interesting to say about Ms. Hirshman's article.

I don't know who Ms. Hirshman is but, I am passionate about the social reform that attachment parenting inspires. The whole constructs of interconnectedness and parenting as a symbiotic, rather than parasitic relationship models an alternative mode of relating than our culture embraces. The cultural norm is a focus on lack and competition of needs. However, when we trust that our needs and our children's needs can be met, we can look for opportunities of win-win, instead of someone "losing".

I have never been bored as a mother. And the intellectual pursuits of affecting social reform begin with birthing and children. I firmly believe, how we treat our children, creates the world.


Pat

[Mama Poot]

Read this book: The Paradox of Natural Mothering by Chris Bobel. This book discusses your issue at length, and I think will bring you peace of mind in the your decision. The book really "hits home" for folks like you, I think, because it is written and spoken directly from the voices of real women who have made the same decision you have.

[Leatherette]

I have a master's in Education and was teaching at a hospital on a psychiatric unit when I had my first child. I had been planning to stay home for a year, so I did give up the position. Little did I know that I would end up being home for 6 years, because if you don't know when you are 6 months pregnant where you want your child to go to daycare and get on the waitlist, there is no good affordable childcare available until they are preschool age. And as I am a teacher, hiring a nanny would have put me in the red.

So child number two came along, with assorted major health needs, and I continued to stay home. At this point, no one from my original circle of mom friends was still at home, or they had moved out of the area. And with the second, I wasn't interested in seeking out more mom groups where everyone was fretting over all the things I had already fretted over and gotten over with my first. So I was feeling kind of alone.

I am back at work now, part time, with affordable child care. My youngest is 4. My older is 7, and they are both at the school where I teach. Now comes the time when I can put my former angst in perspective. I am glad I was home for those years. I think it was good for my kids, and it was good for me. I had to stretch in directions that were difficult and uncomfortable for me, and I think I learned a lot. I had to learn a lot of patience - not necessarily with my kids, but with my place in life. I had to be in the moment more. As I work with parents every day, I have an empathy and compassion for them that far surpasses what I had before. I look at my students differently, with a much more informed and mature perspective.

I know how it feels, though, to be home and wondering.

L.

[Miss Information]

Mama Poot - thanks for the book rec. I started reading an excerpt of it and definitely identified with at least two of the first few women they interviewed.

I came to a realization of part of who I am. I am a radical. Okay, yes, I'm aware of the fact I'm on an alternative living message board, so yes, obviously I am. But really, it's hitting home that I REALLY am a radical amongst my circle of family and friends and neighbors. I've never once in my life have done what I've been told to do. I've always sought my own way and what felt right in my soul. Ever since I could remember I have done that.

Okay, so I don't make my own bread (yet, but I want to). I live in a modest home, I've breastfed as much as I could with my two older dds (but could never produce much for the pump when I worked so I couldn't fully bf them). But my third, who will be 3 in April, is still nursing to this day.

Everybody under the sun tried to get me to "put that baby down or you'll spoil her". I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me to put as much distance between them as everyone urged. I couldn't do it for any of my 3 babies. And I still have very snuggly children.

No one told me to quit my job. In fact everybody thought it was the worst idea (except wonderfully my dh and MIL supported my decision and their opinions in the early years helped so much when I did really feel the guilt from both inside and outside myself).

We certainly eat a lot healthier than I did when I WOHM. Not perfect, but far, far better than before.

While I don't technically homeschool, I do augment their learning at home, every day. It's very important to me to bring my love of learning to them. Inside the home I have accumulated learning materials - homemade Montessori ones and lots of math type manipulatives, sewing cards, bead stringing, and a plethora of art materials. And lots of books and games too. I have converted most of their toys to open ended ones and natural materials. I have even made many of their Christmas gifts. Not because I couldn't afford to buy new, but because I wanted to have a creative outlet that I could enjoy. My family teases me a lot about being upset about the lead in toys. I mean, they know about the recalls, my concern about them has caused them to think twice about toys, but really hasn't changed their minds about the situation.

I think the problem I face sometimes is the fact I have only partially embraced the natural mothering lifestyle, and it certainly feels "right" to me, but I haven't completely embraced it. I keep getting lured back to the external trappings of what paid work brings. I seem to forget that social change is happening right now within my own home, because my values are being passed down to my children. I'm planting the seeds in them what is (or rather what should be but doesn't seem to be these days) important. People are far more important than things, and this is why I have quit my job. I know staying at home with my children has value, otherwise I would not have done that.

L. - I know very little about the daycare situation, as I was fortunate enough to have my MIL come to my home and watch my 2 eldest girls while I worked. I still paid her to do that, though. It helped both of us out as she was unemployed and widowed.

I do know of one friend who lamented the daycare situation. It was simply chaotic to get his kids to and from daycare and it was a task he shared with his wife, depending on who had to be to work earlier and who got off work earlier. Many days his son, not a morning person, fought him a lot about getting out of the house. And the expense - incredible. Oh, but he also shared with me his wife's penchant for spending and the double mortgage on his house and his ultimate bancruptcy declaration (not the kind that wipes debt free, but that sets up repayment plans).

I also see at my dd's school, there are a few children that get picked up from the half day K by the daycare provider. So there are moms that have to trust that their children get to and from school safely while they are working. It just makes me kind of sad. But then, it's probably because I'm too sensitive for my own good at times.

I'm glad now things for you are going well. And that you have learned so much from being at home. It gives me hope.

Anyway, thank you so much for this discussion. I am eternally grateful and I wish I could thank you all in person for engaging in this topic. Keep posting!

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by WuWei

I don't know who Ms. Hirshman is but, I am passionate about the social reform that attachment parenting inspires. The whole constructs of interconnectedness and parenting as a symbiotic, rather than parasitic relationship models an alternative mode of relating than our culture embraces. The cultural norm is a focus on lack and competition of needs. However, when we trust that our needs and our children's needs can be met, we can look for opportunities of win-win, instead of someone "losing".

I have never been bored as a mother. And the intellectual pursuits of affecting social reform begin with birthing and children. I firmly believe, how we treat our children, creates the world.


Pat

Could you point to some resources you've encountered in your path? I'd like to read more about the constructs you are talking about. You are talking to a biologist here and while I have of course heard of symbiotic/parasitic relationships in reference to microorganisms, I've never really heard it applied to human relationships, but it's quite apt to describe it that way too. You've appealed to the scientist in me. :

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by kmcmommyto3

Could you point to some resources you've encountered in your path? I'd like to read more about the constructs you are talking about. You are talking to a biologist here and while I have of course heard of symbiotic/parasitic relationships in reference to microorganisms, I've never really heard it applied to human relationships, but it's quite apt to describe it that way too. You've appealed to the scientist in me. :

Our Babies, OurSelves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent- specifically about the mother/child relationship. http://www.amazon.com/Our-Babies-Our.../dp/0385483627


Peace Is Every Step- about our relationship to our self, our past, and our present. http://www.amazon.com/Peace-Every-St.../dp/0553351397


You might also enjoy reading at our Consensual Living website: http://www.consensual-living.com/


Pat

[Miss Information]

Thank you so much Pat!

My library actually carries those books, and I will have to check out the website. Thanks so much for the information. I already ordered the Paradox of Natural Mothering, because unfortunately, that is not in my library system. But it would probably be good to have my own copy of it anyway.

Off to check out the website...

[vermonttaylors]

Originally Posted by journeymom

I want to hit Linda Hirshman up-side the head. Yes, it IS about choice, choice, choice, thankyouverymuch. These women she's deriding do not describe me, my thought process, my choices. How blindly presumptuous. I'm thoroughly insulted.

I wrote up a diatribe of several paragraphs but this doesn't deserve it. This woman is a spin-meister and her message is too simple and full of hyperbole. Maybe her book provides proof of her claims, but this article certainly doesn't.

Yes, I, with careful thought, willingly chose to leave my employment to be at home with my kids. I did so fully aware that when I go back to work I will have a harder time getting a job than younger women. I'll have a long stretch of time on my resume to explain. I probably won't get a job that pays as much as if I had stayed in the work place. I AM dependent upon my husband.



If what you want to do coincides with what you know is the right thing to do, then no, it is not a bad idea, it's the best idea.

I have passionate opinions about this issues, but I'll have to post more later.

THANK YOU! Linda Hirshman has been irritating me ever since she hit the talk-show circuit last year (I think it was.): I simply don't agree with her kind of feminism. She makes it sound like this generation of mothers OWES our mother's generation something for breaking down barriers and starting the leveling of the playing field.

I disagree.

I think it is every generations job to try and make things better for their children. What I have learned and interpreted from the women's movement is that I deserve to make my own life's choices and not have them dictated to me by a sexist social structure. But NEITHER should I have my choices dictated to me by women of a certain generation who feel I owe it to society to work becuse they struggled to open the workforce up for me. I choose to stay home with my kids, and my daughter doesn't owe me a thing when the time comes for her to decide how she wants her life to play out.

Women who opt out are emphatically NOT sitting around eatinf bobbons and reading romance novels all day. They are active in their kids education, they volunteer, they contribute to the daily workings and the social life of their community.

Sorry, I know this thread is not about Linda Hirshman and whatever guilt of her own she is working out by trying to make the rest of us feel bad. I will now get down off my soap box and let you all return to the topic at hand.

Just after I find my box of bonbons. Oh, there they are, under my new bodice-ripper!

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by vermonttaylors

What I have learned and interpreted from the women's movement is that I deserve to make my own life's choices and not have them dictated to me by a sexist social structure. But NEITHER should I have my choices dictated to me by women of a certain generation who feel I owe it to society to work becuse they struggled to open the workforce up for me.

****

Sorry, I know this thread is not about Linda Hirshman and whatever guilt of her own she is working out by trying to make the rest of us feel bad. I will now get down off my soap box and let you all return to the topic at hand.

Just after I find my box of bonbons. Oh, there they are, under my new bodice-ripper!

Thanks for your interpretation. You know, it's ironic, I never really gave it much thought before. I mean, I was glad that the women's movement all came before me and that I didn't have to break any barriers down in order to enter the workforce. I never gave motherhood much of a thought, to be truthful. But in my heart, I knew I couldn't do both. And I was becoming distant with my children when I was working, staying longer than I really had to simply because I knew I'd be drained when I got home. It's sad, but I felt if I stayed late enough, either dh or MIL would give the kids a bath and I wouldn't have to. After 11+ hours of being away, I didn't have much of me to give at the end of the night.

You know, Linda Hirshman may truly not feel any guilt whatsoever. She may be of a certain personality that doesn't really feel anything she does is wrong, and on top of that, feels her way is THE way to live and everything else is a big mistake. I know people like that. Unfortunately, my mom is one of them. And I had this eerie feeling when I read that first article like I was reading something my mother would say about the matter. My mother was pretty adamant about telling me I was making a big mistake and I was foolish to quit my job, giving me the feeling everything would go to heck not long after I quit.

Yes, it's been a bit hard adjustment for me (still even 4 years after taking the leap of faith), and I admit I was shocked to get pg 3 months after I quit my job. Talk about the fear rising up. But we've adjusted (and dh got snipped!). Dh got a better job this year and is much happier. And the girls are thriving and so smart and I think the environment I've made for them is part of the reason (the other is that my dh and I are fairly above average, so genes play a part too).

I hate the vacillation between desires though - the desire to be home and continue the enrichment of my children, and the desire to do something that not only has meaning in my immediate environment but that is recognized by others as meaningful and valuable (and contributes to the greater good) and is intellectually stimulating. I had a wealth of intellectual stimulation from work environments. And as a bonus, I'd often get into in-depth discussions with my colleagues. Needless to say, I had a lot on my mind and got my tank filled with bouncing ideas off others. Some of the dialogue was work related, but often it was about social issues.

And then of course there is the simple lack of faith that this is the right choice, not only for the children, but for me as well. It's especially hard when you are the minority voice in a very mainstream area. Without the proper support, it's hard to remain fast to your belief that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family. That's when you come along those articles like the LH one and you really start having doubts.

It could be because I'm approaching 40 in 2 years, so I'm sure this is adding a bit of tension. You know, the whole starting a family late, changes things a little bit. My sister started having children at 22. She started an OTA program at 35 and is 38 now with 4 kids and a new career - but they are all school age. Me, I started a family at 31, and now at almost 38, my littlest is 2.5 - still too young to be really apart from me. The earliest I would seriously think about a job would be when she would be in all day K in 2 years.

It's so reassuring to at least have found others like me who have been down the same road and face some of the same internal conflicts. It's reassuring to know that I'm not wrong to be having these same feelings. And after discussing this topic, I am re-convicted that I'm doing right by all of us. Even though I still anticipate some doubts, but that's just a normal part of it, not something terribly wrong with my thinking patterns.

[kristenok18]

Wow. This thread has really hit home. This is something I have been thinking about A LOT recently, and I am so torn. I had to walk away from my doctorate and a job teaching at a small university which would have eventually led to bigger jobs (in my field there are lots of "pay your dues" jobs....there is always someone willing to work for next to nothing since it'll help get your foot in the door). I tried to hang on to everything, but after a few months dh and I realized we just couldn't afford it anymore. With just the 2 of us, we could always make it work, putting in our years at the small university for a pittance of pay (not enough to even buy groceries for a month!), by supplementing with extra performances, private students, odd jobs. But with a baby? I needed dh there to help with ds when I had a gig, which limited his earning time. We couldn't make it happen. We couldn't pay our bills, even with food stamp assistance/medicaid. So we walked away.

Now I'm home, planning on homeschooling my now 5yo, and there are times when I feel so desperate to have my life back. Our society is so critical of professional women who decide to stay home with children, and they make it extremely hard to try to re-enter our chosen career when the time comes that our children no longer need us as much. I knew this when I left, and I was sincerely happy with my choice. I wasn't prepared for how my feelings would change years down the road as my son got older. I was supposed to have more babies to occupy me, so I didn't feel that tug as my oldest got older, but that hasn't happened either.

I'll have to come back later. I'm getting too emotional.

Thank you for this thread.

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by kristenok18

Wow. This thread has really hit home. This is something I have been thinking about A LOT recently, and I am so torn. I had to walk away from my doctorate and a job teaching at a small university which would have eventually led to bigger jobs (in my field there are lots of "pay your dues" jobs....there is always someone willing to work for next to nothing since it'll help get your foot in the door). I tried to hang on to everything, but after a few months dh and I realized we just couldn't afford it anymore. With just the 2 of us, we could always make it work, putting in our years at the small university for a pittance of pay (not enough to even buy groceries for a month!), by supplementing with extra performances, private students, odd jobs. But with a baby? I needed dh there to help with ds when I had a gig, which limited his earning time. We couldn't make it happen. We couldn't pay our bills, even with food stamp assistance/medicaid. So we walked away.

Now I'm home, planning on homeschooling my now 5yo, and there are times when I feel so desperate to have my life back. Our society is so critical of professional women who decide to stay home with children, and they make it extremely hard to try to re-enter our chosen career when the time comes that our children no longer need us as much. I knew this when I left, and I was sincerely happy with my choice. I wasn't prepared for how my feelings would change years down the road as my son got older. I was supposed to have more babies to occupy me, so I didn't feel that tug as my oldest got older, but that hasn't happened either.

I'll have to come back later. I'm getting too emotional.

Thank you for this thread.

Aww, mama! I'm sorry my thread has brought up some difficult feelings.

But I'm convinced that looking at those feelings head on will help in the long run come to a place of acceptance. It's when you stuff them inside and ignore them hoping they'd go away is not a good idea. Because, as you know, they come up anyway and threaten to mess with your head.

Maybe, in doing so, it will free your mind to come up with some creative solution. What was your field of study? What kind of gig are you speaking of (were you in a band)?

I keep thinking of the ROBOTS slogan of "See a need, fill a need" (oddly enough this slogan doesn't apply to housekeeping - of which there is a huge need in my house - ). I keep coming back to this slogan and my gears are spinning trying to figure out ways I can put my talents to use, even on a small scale. Like for instance, even if I don't want to go back and professionally teach, I keep thinking I'd love to tutor/mentor kids and possibly inspire them to think about science. For instance, I keep thinking of a neighbor's son who seems like he is on the fringe of either being a troublemaker, or not, and it would all depend on if he had extra support and acceptance. I keep thinking he would think it so cool to know that I was a forensic scientist at one point in my career and maybe he'd like to be one too. I know I could get him a tour of a crime lab without a problem.

Or my other idea would be to start up a support group for women in our situation. So that it would be not just a mother's social group, but actually a support system and a source of intellectual stimulation for educated women that have chosen to put their professions on hold. I really want to address the issues we face. I think they are unique and we have very real issues. And quite honestly, I think it has the potential to affect our mental health adversely if not addressed. And it would be a bonus if we could help each other create meaningful, but part time, work for ourselves if we chose.

I should research the possibility. Couldn't hurt, right?

[Miss Information]

Well, at least for the moment...I'm not pursuing the class I was going to take (an introduction to teaching). I have so many conflicting feelings about teaching (and I hear lots of negative things about the public school system). So I dropped the class after 1 day.

Oddly enough I am not nearly as anxious after doing so than I was about a week ago. I feel more at peace than I have in a while, even if I did get a nasty email from my younger sister telling me I have to get my life together (common theme from my family, yet oddly enough I'd been very successful despite them).

I've still got a lot of figuring out what I want to do, and until I do, it's silly to spend the money on a class that turns out wouldn't be for credit towards a teaching license (I would qualify for the "fast track" to licensure since I already have a BofS degree). It seems also that no one wants to touch the middle school grades with a 10 foot pole (are kids in that age group THAT terrible?).

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by kmcmommyto3

It seems also that no one wants to touch the middle school grades with a 10 foot pole (are kids in that age group THAT terrible?).

No! I think they're a blast! My daughter is 12 y.o. and in seventh grade. She and her friends are alternately enthusiastic and cheerful, and moody and tearful. They're philosophical and getting interested in new things. The thing is, there is this lag time where their cognitive and emotional development hasn't caught up with the demands of middle school and the new privileges they get with this age. The mistakes they make have bigger consequences than when they were younger. It's a very important life stage. That's why they need great teachers who genuinely like this age to encourage them.

Sorry, off topic. But I just wanted to show support for these kids!

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by kmcmommyto3

I've still got a lot of figuring out what I want to do, and until I do, it's silly to spend the money on a class that turns out wouldn't be for credit towards a teaching license (I would qualify for the "fast track" to licensure since I already have a BofS degree). It seems also that no one wants to touch the middle school grades with a 10 foot pole (are kids in that age group THAT terrible?).

I think a lot of how you might feel about teaching would depend on where you would teach. Some schools are better than others. For example, we have ds in a Reggio Emilia charter school that goes up to 5th grade. The teaching/educational philosophy is very different than the public schools.

Also, there was a book that I read over 10 years ago called "Wishcraft." I've read a lot of self help books about what you want to be when you grow up, and this one was very, very different. Specifically, it started out by talking about how family and societal influences shape the way we think about ourselves and how to let go of those influences and start thinking about what you want and why. It had a number of excercises to do through the book that I felt were very insightful. It wasn't your typical, "If you're good at math, you should be an accountant, scientist, etc." I hate those books. The author (can't remember her name) had another book, too, that I also picked up. It was good, but "Wishcraft" was better.

ETA: found the books -

http://www.amazon.com/Wishcraft-How-...0747427&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Could-Anything...0747427&sr=8-2

[marybethorama]

Wishcraft

It's available online

You can download it as a PDF