Ugh...

[ann_of_loxley]

I dont know why I let people wind me up...especially people I dont even know lol....I guess its my desire to just prove I am right...because well...I know I am! And I am sure many of you will agree!

What do you say to people who say 'Well - we will see if your idealistic parenting ideas really work when your child is 18'...

1). why 18? is that some magical show all age? lol If they saw my son now compared to every other mainstreamed 2 year old - they would know my 'idealistic parenting' really does 'work'...

and

2). Why have a dig at idealistic?....yes indeed it is idealistic...but why put it down? Are they saying they know there is a better way to do things but they dont want to strive for that? Because thats what it sounds like to me! Why as a parent wouldnt you want to do what you feel and knows is best for your child?

I just wish I could show them some of your magical ages show all 18 year olds lol

[St. Margaret]

alfie kohn has a great bit in unconditional parenting where he says idealistic merely means possessing ideals-- and also asks what's wrong w/ that???

I'm sorry. It can be SO hard to navigate all the folks out there who feel the need to pipe up about one's parenting.

[LilyGrace]

I can get a bit snarky with those kinds of comments:

Sure! Would you like us to visit yours in jail that day?

Okay, so it's not the best answer, but sometimes I am irritated enough to want to use it.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter, though. I mean, not at the moment. And it doesn't matter what others think about YOUR parenting if it works for YOU and your child. The only way it would matter is if the person asked for advice and then cut you down. And you know what? If it was on a message board, the person wasn't going to listen anyway. Not that one. S/he was predetermined in what they wanted to hear. And using "idealistic" means s/he probably thinks it only works on a certain kind of kid - the prepackaged, fully loaded, independent, always loving child. Not on real kids.

The ones who do listen are the ones not saying anything. And sometimes, saying something over and over and trying to live it yourself tends to plant a seed in minds - even if it changes just one interaction, it shows that it works and opens the mind to other possibilities.

[flapjack]

I think the only possible answer to that is "why wait until 18 when he can get his first ASBO at 10?" Or, of course, IBYP...

[captivatedlife]

And sometimes, despite our best attempts, kids are going to have to find thier own way.

Your dc may get pregnant at 14.
Your dc may have a major accident.
Your dc may run away.
Your dc <insert something the world would think of as negative here>


I think it's all about doing our best to raise our children to give them the best start. I was abused and I turned out ok. Does that mean I'm going to abuse my dd? No. I think it's all about doing our best to raise our children to give them the best start.