What Do You Say About Smoking to Little Ones?

[LittleYellow]

What do/did you say about smoking to young kids?

My dd's (2.5 yrs) saw a man sitting outside a coffee shop today smoking and one dd asked what he was doing. I said "he is doing something that could make him sick and that made me feel sad". They just moved on to something else after that, but later at home dd asked again what he had. I again said "something that will make him sick" and my other dd happened to do something that distracted her from the topic.

I know my dd was looking for the name of what he had (and she'll ask again after her nap) I don't think I'm ready for the word cigarette to be in my dd's vocabulary, but I know I can't hide her from things she sees in the world forever.

With a bigger kid, I would think this would be easier - but I can't think of a way to explain what and why to a two year old.

What do/did you say?

[Smokering]

*sigh*

I took care of a little boy once who asked about smoking one day when we were driving in the car with his grandmother. I prepared to go into a little moralistic lecture about how smoking was bad for you, but his grandmother caught my eye and hushed me--it turned out later that his mother smoked, so she (and I) were never 'allowed' to say anything bad about smoking, because it would make the little boy sad that his mother was doing it.



I plan to tell my kids fairly honestly about smoking as soon as it comes up--I don't think knowing the word 'cigarette' is likely to do them any damage, and I don't want smoking to be surrounded by any kind of mystique. It's addictive, it's bad for you, it smells yucky, it's expensive... that's pretty much all I honestly know about smoking, and I'm happy to pass that info along!

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by Smokering

*sigh*

I took care of a little boy once who asked about smoking one day when we were driving in the car with his grandmother. I prepared to go into a little moralistic lecture about how smoking was bad for you, but his grandmother caught my eye and hushed me--it turned out later that his mother smoked, so she (and I) were never 'allowed' to say anything bad about smoking, because it would make the little boy sad that his mother was doing it.

That's sad. What if the little boy grows up thinking it's perfectly safe and normal to smoke?
I'm not to the point with DS where he's old enough to ask about such things but like the PP said, I will probably be honest, at least to the point that he can understand.
I think what you said is appropriate for your DD's age.

[AllisonR]

I don't understand what is wrong with saying the word cigarette or smoking. That is what it is. I think a direct, honest answer to their question is what young kids are looking for. IMO, if you tell them that first, maybe they will be interested in the more abstract, moral implications that follow.

My 3 yo DS said "what is that?" I said it was a cigarette and it was like garbage. OK, this was in Danish, and looses something in the translation, but the point is I said what it was, then why it might not be the healthiest thing in the world. Explaining smoking without the word smoking is like telling your child not that a coin is called a coin, but only that it is a piece of metal with value used in exchange for merchandise.

[LittleYellow]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

I don't understand what is wrong with saying the word cigarette or smoking. That is what it is. I think a direct, honest answer to their question is what young kids are looking for. IMO, if you tell them that first, maybe they will be interested in the more abstract, moral implications that follow.

My 3 yo DS said "what is that?" I said it was a cigarette and it was like garbage. OK, this was in Danish, and looses something in the translation, but the point is I said what it was, then why it might not be the healthiest thing in the world. Explaining smoking without the word smoking is like telling your child not that a coin is called a coin, but only that it is a piece of metal with value used in exchange for merchandise.

I know I can't keep the word away for much longer at all (like sometime today I'll probably have to come out with it) I am just not liking that my babies are becoming aware of things that are not so good in the world. They play out everything in thier pretend play and I am sooooo going to be inwardly cringing when I hear the word cigarette coming out of my babies mouths.

[Learning_Mum]

Originally Posted by LittleYellow

I know I can't keep the word away for much longer at all (like sometime today I'll probably have to come out with it) I am just not liking that my babies are becoming aware of things that are not so good in the world. They play out everything in thier pretend play and I am sooooo going to be inwardly cringing when I hear the word cigarette coming out of my babies mouths.

I really don't think you need to worry about them playing it out. If they're around it all the time then the probably would. DS started pretending to smoke when I smoked, but now that I don't anymore he never even mentions it.

[girlsmamma2]

I understand wanting to avoid the word "smoking". I wondered what I would say also but it almost seems like it's more common then it used to be and I see both dd's really trying to understand what someone is doing. It seems it's everywhere. The other day there was an employee standing outside a store we were going in taking a smoking break. By the time we came out, maybe a 1/2 hour to 45 minutes later and were loading up a dryer we had bought, the same woman came outside to do it again! I was actually trying to block dd's view but she moved around me to watch her because the woman was smoking and staring at us.

My oldest has asked what people are doing when they do that. I told her it's called smoking and it makes you really really sick and smells really really bad. It told her everyone makes their own choices in life and that is a bad choice. So now she tells me a person is making a bad choice if she sees them smoking. We discussed how you only have one body and you want to stay healthy and not do that kind of think to it. Now she recognizes smoke and the smell and it's easier to explain to her why I'm walking around it or another way sometimes because we've already discussed it.

I figure if my kids even think to attempt it when they are older, we will be visiting a local hospitals' lung cancer ward.

[treqi]

wow its not like these people are shooting up heroin on the street and some people (like myself) only have 2-4 cigarettes a day and studies have shown smoking less than 5 cigarettes a day has little effect on your health... just be honest with your kids its a cigarette the action is called smoking and if you do it to much it could be bad for you and not be over the top and say its reeks and is a disgusting thing... one of my favorite childhood memories is my aunts scent which came from her smoking.... i guess if they see a butt on the street you could tell them its garbage and its sad that people litter.....

[crazydiamond]

My DD is 32 mos and while she hasn't asked about smoking yet, she has asked about other similar things she's seen.

I find that at her age, she's not really interested in the moralistic lecture. All she wants is a name to attach to a specific object/behavior. She's still at the stage where she is rapidly expanding her vocabulary and this would just be in line with that. I'm pretty certain that if I kept my answer short and sweet to "that man is smoking a cigarette", her curiosity would have been satisfied. Depending on her interest or response, I might follow it up with "smoking is something we shouldn't do because cigarettes will make us sick". That's about it.

[momileigh]

Originally Posted by treqi

wow its not like these people are shooting up heroin on the street

I'd rather they did. At least I wouldn't have to breathe any of it.

[Jessy1019]

I told my DD at that age that they were smoking and that it was very bad for them, could make them sick and even kill them. She also found out shortly after that my grandma's husband died from lung cancer because he smoked. We talk about that stuff whenever it comes up, and I'm blunt.

[banjosmama]

I work for the county health department in the tobacco education program, so cigarettes are my life (sorta). My almost-5 y.o ds has been to work with me, and sees what I do: there's no avoiding it. I was a little nervous taking this job knowing my son would broach this subject. I didn't want my son to have "cigarette" in his vocabulary, either. I finally decided that if I was honest with him, and gave him direct answers about his questions, then he would learn we could have open, honest communications, and when he got older, that would still be the same (when his vocabulary inevitably will include sex, beer, and girls).

I let my son initiate the conversation, and just told him that smoking can be dangerous, can be unhealthy, and is a personal decision It doesn't make the person bad (don't want to teach him judgement). My son has pretended to smoke pens or sticks, but it's just like guns and swords: I'm a pacifist, and would prefer he never played guns or swords. I think if I restrict his play, he becomes that much more curious, and the "Forbidden fruit" is that much more alluring. I figure, as long as I don't make a big dramatic deal - OR make an obvious point NOT to make a big deal about it, cuz they sense that too! - I just nonchalantly make sure he knows the truth, the facts, he'll make his own decisions, whatever my preference. All I can do is teach him the facts.

[elmh23]

my mom smokes. what we've always told dd is that nana smokes cigarettes and that it's yucky and bad for her. she hasn't asked any more questions about it but if she did, we'd tell her the truth.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by treqi

wow its not like these people are shooting up heroin on the street and some people (like myself) only have 2-4 cigarettes a day and studies have shown smoking less than 5 cigarettes a day has little effect on your health... just be honest with your kids its a cigarette the action is called smoking and if you do it to much it could be bad for you and not be over the top and say its reeks and is a disgusting thing... one of my favorite childhood memories is my aunts scent which came from her smoking.... i guess if they see a butt on the street you could tell them its garbage and its sad that people litter.....

When I tell my son it stinks, I'm being honest. It does stink. When I tell him smoking is not only bad for the person smoking but for everyone around him, I'm also being honest.

I came from smoking parents. I smoked for a long time. I don't want my child to smoke or to have to experience trying to quit, so I'm very honest with him and tell him it pollutes your lungs, it pollutes the air, it causes cancer, it kills people - and not just the people who smoke. We've been having these conversations for pretty much his whole verbal existence because he sees people smoking on the street and is curious about it. I want him to have the straight dope, so to speak.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by girlsmamma2

I wondered what I would say also but it almost seems like it's more common then it used to be

That's statistically backward. It's less common now. I live in Kentucky, which has the highest percentage of adult smokers in the country at 28%. In many states, it's much, much lower.

I think it's silly not to want to use the word, but then I also use anatomically correct words and didn't understand when someone posted a couple of weeks ago that she didn't want her kid to use the word penis. Words are powerful, but they also should be used properly. Your daughter's going to continue to ask questions if you're not giving her a straight answer, and by skipping the noun and going to the lecture, she's not getting the answer she's seeking.

[carriebft]

"It is called smoking a cigarette. It is bad for your health and everyone around you. See the smoke coming out? That hurts your lungs and makes many people sick."

Then we might go home and learn a bit about smoke and the way the lungs work!

If they were older, we might read the most recent report from the surgeon general on smoking (and how there is NO safe level of exposure for first or second hand smoke and the immediate cardiac changes that occur)

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/librar...actsheet6.html

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/librar...actsheet7.html

[carriebft]

(for a 2.5 yr old I would jsut stick to the quote though and not get into how the lungs work as I don't think she was ready for that back then. She is three now and starting to like to learn that kinda stuff---very simplistically of course)

[Jasmyn's Mum]

Okay. Here goes. My confession. I just quit smoking using Champix and although I NEVER smoked in front of my dd I told her I quit smoking cigarettes and that people smoke because it's hard for them to stop and it's really bad for them and that her grandma died because she smoked for a long, long time. I also told her that I was sorry I ever smoked. She thought for a while and looked me in the eye and said "Mommy. I'm really glad you stopped smoking". Phew! Me too.

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

When I tell my son it stinks, I'm being honest. It does stink. When I tell him smoking is not only bad for the person smoking but for everyone around him, I'm also being honest.

I came from smoking parents. I don't want my child to smoke or to have to experience trying to quit, so I'm very honest with him and tell him it pollutes your lungs, it pollutes the air, it causes cancer, it kills people - and not just the people who smoke. We've been having these conversations for pretty much his whole verbal existence because he sees people smoking on the street and is curious about it. I want him to have the straight dope, so to speak.

Yes exactly.

Originally Posted by carriebft

"It is called smoking a cigarette. It is bad for your health and everyone around you. See the smoke coming out? That hurts your lungs and makes many people sick."

Then we might go home and learn a bit about smoke and the way the lungs work!

If they were older, we might read the most recent report from the surgeon general on smoking (and how there is NO safe level of exposure for first or second hand smoke and the immediate cardiac changes that occur)

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/librar...actsheet6.html

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/librar...actsheet7.html

Yes again!

[Jasmyn's Mum]

I guess what I was trying to say through my rambling is to be honest with kids. They are way more evolved than we think.