What Do You Say About Smoking to Little Ones? - Page 3

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by carriebft

But also this same logic could be applied to any pollution or chemical regulation. If you try and limit mercury in the air then you are in the wrong for not also limiting ____ chemical. Or, if you try and limit ____ chemical in toys, you are in the wrong for not trying to limit ___ (insert another chemical).

You say. I think it is relevant. We, as a society, target certain things, but ignore others that are equally bad. I think that is hypocritical. I think it's hypocritical that people are up in arms about Walmart, but they shop at the Dollar Store buying MIC plastic cr@p. You either care about toxins in your environment, or you don't. Singling out one that you don't like, such as cigarette smoke, while you assault others with one you do like, such as cologne, is hypocritical.

All I am saying is, if you are concerned about secondhand smoke, maybe you should also think about how scented products affect others. Chemical pollutants of any kind are a problem, and if we are going to educate our children about the evils of secondhand smoke, we might want to take the time to tell them about the other nasty cr@p that we unwillingly and unwittingly take in on a daily basis because someone else exposes us to it without our permission.

FTR, I tell my dcs that smoking is bad, but I also tell them there are other forms of environmental toxins that are equally bad that are ignored, and I think that is wrong.

[carriebft]

I don't see anyone here saying they would ignore the implications of perfume and not talk about that with their kids...

the question is about smoking...


For me, the perfume question will be easy, as it triggers my sons skin reactions at times...though not eczema, which is also an issue within the extended fam.

[carriebft]

btw, I didnt mean to imply the question is not relevant overall, just not, to me, in the issue of "should smoking be banned in public places" or the effects of smoking on others...or what I would tell my kids about smoking.

It is obviously a very important topic.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by carriebft

btw, I didnt mean to imply the question is not relevant overall, just not, to me, in the issue of "should smoking be banned in public places" or the effects of smoking on others...or what I would tell my kids about smoking.

It is obviously a very important topic.

Yeah. To me it's like, don't they already get the anti smoking stuff from all directions anyway? In our society people are so anti smoking that other stuff is ignored. It's the same, to me, as thinking you can eat all the junk food you want as long as you take your vitamins, yk? You can expose yourself to all the toxic cr@p you want as long as you avoid evil tobacco.

I'm saying if you don't attack all of the toxins, it just isn't good enough. The anti-toxin speech should be all inclusive. Don't burn stuff, don't smoke, don't breathe in toxins, don't use toxic stuff on your body, yk?

[carriebft]

Originally Posted by bigeyes

Yeah. To me it's like, don't they already get the anti smoking stuff from all directions anyway? In our society people are so anti smoking that other stuff is ignored. It's the same, to me, as thinking you can eat all the junk food you want as long as you take your vitamins, yk? You can expose yourself to all the toxic cr@p you want as long as you avoid evil tobacco.

I'm saying if you don't attack all of the toxins, it just isn't good enough. The anti-toxin speech should be all inclusive. Don't burn stuff, don't smoke, don't breathe in toxins, don't use toxic stuff on your body, yk?

It's probably very different in different places though. We spend a lot of time in central america and there is little to no anti smoking movement (well, there's little to no public health movements in general -- which is a long debate in and of itself).

But you could live in a place that has anti smoking up the wazzu-- around here we have not been able to pass even an indoor ban yet.

But I definitely support your idea that the movement for clean air space should be widened.

I actually think you would get more support around here for excess perfume than smoking...ironically.

[girlsmamma2]

and the other point is that it's almost impossible to avoid the smoke because the areas were smoking is allowed, is usually on the WAY INTO OR OUT OF (the doorway to the mall or stores), the areas where you aren't supposed to smoke. So those of us who don't want to smell it have to literally walk through a haze of the stuff in order to go in, and if the store only has one door, then either you stay out or go through it. I don't think that is fair.

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by girlsmamma2

and the other point is that it's almost impossible to avoid the smoke because the areas were smoking is allowed, is usually on the WAY INTO OR OUT OF (the doorway to the mall or stores), the areas where you aren't supposed to smoke. So those of us who don't want to smell it have to literally walk through a haze of the stuff in order to go in, and if the store only has one door, then either you stay out or go through it. I don't think that is fair.

That is exactly my point about cologne. Have you never gotten into an elevator, or walked into a room and smelled someone who was no longer there? It happens to me all the time.

I agree about having to walk through a cloud of smoke in a doorway, ugh. Nobody should have to run the gauntlet just to get inside, or to shop, or to go upstairs.

[majikfaerie]

ugh. i also hate scents. makes me sneezy and headachey, just the same as ciggy smoke.

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by aaronsmom

That's sad. What if the little boy grows up thinking it's perfectly safe and normal to smoke?

He lives in the world. He will grow up knowing it isn't safe to smoke even if noone irl ever says negative stuff about smoking. Both my parents smoked in the 70s early 80s and no one we knew said anything to us about smoking, but we still grew up knowing that smoking eventually caused cancer and wrinkles. None of us kids smoke (though I did smoke briefly in college).

Second hand smoke drives me crazy. I am so thankful for smoking bans and hope one day it isn't allowed on sidewalks and that some condo buildings would go non-smoking so I wouldn't end up above a chain smoker (that was so terrible). BUT, smoking is not something you need to tip-toe around in explanations to your. They will get get. It is addictive and it feels good (like coffee but better), which is why good smart people do it, but it is bad health-wise and look-wise. Trans fats are probably just as bad for you and maybe more expensive to society health care wise.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by mamawanabe

He lives in the world. He will grow up knowing it isn't safe to smoke even if noone irl ever says negative stuff about smoking. Both my parents smoked in the 70s early 80s and no one we knew said anything to us about smoking, but we still grew up knowing that smoking eventually caused cancer and wrinkles. None of us kids smoke (though I did smoke briefly in college).

You're the exception, though. Smoking parents is one of the biggest determining factors in children choosing to smoke.

[Astoria]

I tell my ds's that they don't know their grandfather because he smoked. And when my older ds asked, I told him that his lungs stopped working and died because of the cigarettes. I didn't tell him what it was like -- the pain and fear that he experienced dying from, basically, protracted suffocation.

My ds holds his nose and runs by smokers -- some people tell me that it is rude that my 6 year old does that. I tell him its not at all. He can choose not to breath it. Just like I tell him to quickly cover his ears when sirens go by.

Sure there's lots of "awareness" out there. But there is also, no matter what, a huge industry that is constantly marketing. And that's there too.

(My son also mentions when he's around cologne. "What's that smell. It's giving me a headache. I have to get out of here." I'm not sure -- is that rude? He's commenting on himself, not someone else. But I'm sure it can make people uncomfortable.)

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

You're the exception, though. Smoking parents is one of the biggest determining factors in children choosing to smoke.

im my experience, peer group had more to do with it. There were groups in high school/college that tended to smoke and groups that didn't, and which group you hung around had much influence on whether you smoked.

Interestingly, none of my siblings smoke though our parents smoked while all of dh's siblings smoke (not dh) though his parents didn't smoke. I would say in his family's case too, peer groups had much influence. His siblings friends and spouses smoke.

But in any case, children of smokers (whether or not they smoke) do grow up to know it is bad for them even if well-meaning adults in their life never say a world about it for fear of shaming the children's parents. How can you live in our world and not know that smoking causes cancer ect.

[dancingmama]

Here's another idea....

My dh came up with a GREAT way to explain addiction to my 5 year-old. They were talking about smoking and he was trying to figure out how to explain the need that happens once you are addicted. DD still sucks her thumb at night, and he correlated it to that -- she NEEDs to suck, it is such a strong thing. She totally understood! And we explained that if you smoke a few times, addiction can start to happen. And all about it making you sick, etc etc.

[theatermom]

Originally Posted by mamawanabe

im my experience, peer group had more to do with it. There were groups in high school/college that tended to smoke and groups that didn't, and which group you hung around had much influence on whether you smoked.

Interestingly, none of my siblings smoke though our parents smoked while all of dh's siblings smoke (not dh) though his parents didn't smoke. I would say in his family's case too, peer groups had much influence. His siblings friends and spouses smoke.

But in any case, children of smokers (whether or not they smoke) do grow up to know it is bad for them even if well-meaning adults in their life never say a world about it for fear of shaming the children's parents. How can you live in our world and not know that smoking causes cancer ect.

Yup. My mom and stepfather smoked, and I knew from the age of 5 yrs old on (from around 1981) that smoking was bad, addictive, and can lead to death. I spent an incredible amount of energy growing up trying to get them to stop. I also knew from my own experience that it hurt to breathe it, that it stunk, and that I didn't like it.

I'm very glad that no one decided to humiliate me by taking me aside and speaking about my parents in particular -- children already have a tendency to personalize everything that they hear. It was bad enough in middle and high school when kids pointed out that my clothes sometimes smelled like smoke. Whether or not children grow up to be smokers has as much to do with their own sense of self and self esteem as it does with whether their parents smoke or not.

[ginadc]

This is a tough one for us. DH and I both hate smoking with a passion. We both grew up with parents who smoked--his mother still does, in her late 50s (and his stepdad still smokes cigars way too often, though he quit cigarettes after a heart attack), while my parents both quit when I was about 7 and they were about 40. I like to think I helped harass them into quitting.

Anyway, DD is now almost 2 and it won't be long before she starts noticing smoking, asking questions about it, or something to that effect, because her grandmother smokes and so does her uncle (DH's younger brother). She certainly also sees her grandfather smoking cigars. In fact, MIL mentioned in passing after DD had stayed a couple of days with them over the summer that oh yes, those two outside chairs were where DD would sit with Pop-Pop while he had his cigar. I didn't say anything at the time, although I was livid, but DH and I have agreed that before she ever stays with them again, the law will be firmly laid down that DD does not hang out with Pop-Pop for a "smoke break."

(Side note: they are really wonderful ILs and terrific grandparents in most ways, and I think they do try to be considerate about their smoking, but sometimes their cluelessness blows me away. We went to visit them to share our pregnancy news back in early September, and we were across the street at their neighbors'. Yes, we were outside, but literally, both MIL and neighbor woman were smoking cigarettes while FIL and neighbor guy were smoking cigars. Outdoors or no, there was nowhere I could be where it wasn't blowing in my face--this after I had just told them I was pregnant!)

With our kids, we want to set out the strongest message we can that smoking is a very bad habit, it smells bad and it's dirty, and it can make you sick and make the people around you sick. But we also have to explain to DD and her soon-to-be brother that yes, Grammy and Pop-Pop and Uncle Jeff smoke, and we wish they wouldn't, but it doesn't make them bad people, that good people can make unhealthy choices and get bad habits.

[geek_the_girl]

My dad smokes. If my dd asks I just tell her its something that grandpa enjoys doing but its not really good for you.
End of story.

[EnviroBecca]

Gee. I never felt that I had a choice about my child's awareness of smoking. We ride public transit and walk on crowded urban sidewalks every day. Smokers smoke at bus stops and on sidewalks because smoking is not allowed in busses and most public buildings. So, long before my child could talk, he was aware of cigarettes and smoke and aware that when we smell that smell, we move away from it if we can.

When he was old enough to stand on the ground, he began wanting to pick up trash and put it in the trash can. The most common type of trash on our sidewalks is cig butts. I told him not to touch them "because they have chemicals that are bad for you," and I said, "I wish people wouldn't throw cigarettes on the sidewalk. They seem to think they'll just disappear, but they don't! They make a big mess!" My child began pointing and gasping in indignation when he saw someone drop a cig. I taught him that if it is still smoking, we step on it WITH SHOES ON to keep the smoke out of our air and prevent a fire from starting.

I did not mention health issues until my son, at two-and-a-half, held a twig to his lips and said, "This is my cigarette." Then I said, "Please don't smoke cigarettes. They smell bad, and they're bad for you. My granddad got very sick and died because he smoked cigarettes." When this conversation was repeated, my son asked some questions, and I described his great-grandfather's coughing, pain, and struggles to breathe.

Yes, fragrance allergies are a separate issue but a real problem. We have a friend with a fragrance allergy who sells little cards you can use to explain the problem while you run away holding your breath!

[bigeyes]

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca

Gee. I never felt that I had a choice about my child's awareness of smoking. We ride public transit and walk on crowded urban sidewalks every day. Smokers smoke at bus stops and on sidewalks because smoking is not allowed in busses and most public buildings. So, long before my child could talk, he was aware of cigarettes and smoke and aware that when we smell that smell, we move away from it if we can.

When he was old enough to stand on the ground, he began wanting to pick up trash and put it in the trash can. The most common type of trash on our sidewalks is cig butts. I told him not to touch them "because they have chemicals that are bad for you," and I said, "I wish people wouldn't throw cigarettes on the sidewalk. They seem to think they'll just disappear, but they don't! They make a big mess!" My child began pointing and gasping in indignation when he saw someone drop a cig. I taught him that if it is still smoking, we step on it WITH SHOES ON to keep the smoke out of our air and prevent a fire from starting.

I did not mention health issues until my son, at two-and-a-half, held a twig to his lips and said, "This is my cigarette." Then I said, "Please don't smoke cigarettes. They smell bad, and they're bad for you. My granddad got very sick and died because he smoked cigarettes." When this conversation was repeated, my son asked some questions, and I described his great-grandfather's coughing, pain, and struggles to breathe.

Yes, fragrance allergies are a separate issue but a real problem. We have a friend with a fragrance allergy who sells little cards you can use to explain the problem while you run away holding your breath!

I love those! Of course, I like the old one better because it tells the whole story. Told ya that stuff was toxic.

I like your gentle way of teaching your son as well.

ETA-here are links that tell you about the same chemicals in perfume as smoking. Anyone who wears perfume in clouds yet shouts about smoking should be happy to put their money where their mouth is, don't you think?
Toxins are toxins whether they smell pretty to you or not.

http://www.safe2use.com/drrapp/toxic-care.htm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9...t=AbstractPlushttp://www.alerg.com/multiplechemicalsensitivity/
http://www.drrapp.com/alerts.htm
http://www.newstarget.com/001061.html
http://www.preventcancer.com/consume...fragrances.htm
http://earthasylum.wordpress.com/200...-kill-someone/
http://youtotallystink.blogspot.com/
http://ourlittleplace.com/perfume.html
http://elixirchemicals.com/page2.html
Your FDA at work doing what they do best, selling you out:
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/..._nation/102694
Like Calvin Klein?
http://www.safe2use.com/health/perfume-eternity.htm