DS is from Mars, DD is from Venus

[AllisonR]

3 yo DS is a calm, laid back guy. He doesn't talk much, is (usually) gentle with his sister and forgives easily. A splitting image of DH, who is so relaxed he's practically comotose.

14 month DD is intense, involved, stubborn, highly emotional and "talks" constantly. She has extreme pleasure and joy, but can also have tantrums so filled with rage and hatred that it is scary. I guess she's a splitting image of, um, her mother.

But after a relatively "easy" 1st child, this has really thrown me for a loop. Anyone else out there with DCs that are totally different? How do you deal with their totally different needs, boundaries... while still being fair?

[AllisonR]

OK, so no one has kids that are really different?

[kblackstone444]

My kids are very different!

My son, Gary (12) is intense, tempermental, extremely sensitive, stubborn, tense, impulsive and introverted, but extremely needy. He's such a wonderful child, but he's extremely high needs. He's like me, only to the 10th power.

My little girl, Katherine (7) is an easygoing, laid back, forgiving, goes with the flow kind of girl. Sometimes she's too "good". A spitting image of my Husband, in every way.

I'm still working on managing both their needs. I've noticed that they tend to play off of eachother- Gary will get in trouble for, say, jumping over the couch, and Katherine will sit there and say something like, "I would NEVER do that, right?" I ALWAYS walk around and you NEVER have to remind ME.", in which case, Gary will get all the more frustrated and throw a tantrum. I remember my sister doing the same with me. Has this happened with your children?

[emmasmommy]

My kids are very different too. In my case it's the older one that is the intense one, and then younger is more laid back. It's funny since it was opposite when they were babies. DD1 was such an "easy" baby until around 12 months - then her intense personality complete with tantrums came through. DD2 was a very high needs baby, but she developed into such an easy going toddler.

It was harder to balance their needs when dd2 was tiny because they were both intense and needy (dd1 was 3). It's easier now as they are both becoming more independent, but we do have to watch since sometimes dd1 will take out her anger on dd2 just because she happens to be standing there.

[tsume]

um, dunno. Even if they hadimilar personalities they are still different people so you wouldn't treat them the same anyway. And I think "fair" is over-rated.

Our oldest is even-keeled, quiet, our second is a live-wire balls to the wall and our third is a sweet snuggly lover. All 3 very different from each other.

Sorry, I can' answer your queastion.

[teachma]

Harleyhalfmoon, I could have written your post. Except at this time, my ds is only 7, and my dd is 3.