I know it's a lie...but I need my time too!

[Gwendolyn's babies]

Ok my 3 yr old and 2 yr old were not going to sleep. Getting up mulitple of times. Driving each other crazy asking for repeated stories, drinks...you know. I told them that if they didn't stop the policeman would come and get upset because mommy isn't supposed to be working she is supposed to be resting.

So....I rang the doorbell and had a very loud conversation with a "real policeman". "Yes Officer, they will stay in bed. Yes I am resting now. Thank you they will be good boys."

So, I come back down the hall and my 3 yr old whispers, "mom, was that the policman?"

"yes, but's it's ok, I told him you would be good now."
"what would he do if I wasn't.
"Give us tickets, that we would have to pay alot of money for."

It's been quiet for the last 10 minutes. I don't know....it seems to work.

[baltic_ballet]

: Brilliant idea

[tpott4]

Boy I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to do that.

[dallaschildren]

I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.

[twindaze]

Next time call Santa, or maybe the Easter Bunny would be better, the tooth fairy might work too. But what would I know, I'd never stoop to such tactics.

[~Megan~]

LOL!!! I wish that would work for my ds. I've been trying to convince him we can't have "nur-nur" until the sun wakes up. Of course this will only get earlier as the seasons change.

[cjanelles]

I get it. I *totally* get it...

I just wanted to agree with the previous poster who suggested getting Santa or the Easter Bunny next time. You want your kids to grow up to view police officers as their friends and as trusted adults (I mean, what if they ever got lost?) and not as punitive, big, scary grown ups who can punish Mom if they do something wrong.

I totally understand that you needed some peace and quiet (believe me, I do)...but I think cops have a bad enough rap these days that the last thing anyone needs is innocent parents scaring their kids into submission by using the cops as the enforcers.

[ErinBird]

I am really sorry that you had a rough night with your boys:/

[lilylove]

Moved to Gentle Discipline.

[savithny]

Way, back before I was a parent.....

A much older friend who had teenage DS and school age DD heard me telling my cat "There isn't any more ice cream, Pippin!"

"Hey! No lying to animals!" he told me.

"What? They're animals! He can't eat ice cream, he projectile vomits all over!"

"No lying to animals or children! It's my rule." And he had some kind of reason which wasn't really a GD reason but fit with his personal philosophy, and somehow, even though it was a joke at first, we adopted this. "I"m sorry, Pippin, ice cream will make you barf." I would say.

Anyway, now that I have kids, I really, really appreciate both the semi-joking advice and the practice I got on the cats before the kids were born. Because I might stink at a lot of this parenting stuff and have any number of bad days - but when the chips are down, my kids know I will not lie to them. so I can say "Honey, the doctor has to put in another stitch to stop it bleeding, and it is going to hurt, but then it will be over." and DS will trust me. He might not listen during normal times all that well every single day - but in an emergency situation the kids both have shown that they know that I mean what I say and won't betray that.

I know that sounds all serious as a response to pretending there's a police officer at the door - but they won't be toddlers forever...

[Kessed]

Police should be safe people that your kids should feel safe and comfortable being able to talk to.

I guess I completely disagree with what you did.

[mackysmama]

Mama, I'm sorry you are having a tough time with bedtime. It is a big struggle in our house too. And I TOTALLY get needing your own time - that is a big one for me.

I try very hard not to lie to my children and to not use fear based parenting. I am very honest with them about needing to get my needs met so that I am able to be the parent that I want to be. We talk about my "mama cup" and how I need a full mama cup in order to be the best mama I can be and that my mama cup gets used up by being a mama and I refill it by having time to myself. They seem to get this (well, the 5 yo definately, the 2 yo not so much but is starting to understand). At bedtime, I might say something like "I need you to go to sleep now so that I can have some time to fill my mama cup so we can have a great day at the zoo tomorrow." I try not to say it as a threat - "if you don't go to sleep, we won't have a good day tomorrow!!".

I hope that helps. I will say that it doesn't always work but it probably works just as well as lying to them but this way, I'm not lying to them.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by dallaschildren

I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.

:

I find the whole idea of making police the "bad guys" to be disturbing. Dd has recently picked this idea up from somewhere (some other child I'm sure) and it's something we're working hard to combat.

-Angela

[Shonahsmom]

Your kiddos are going to figure out in a few short years that policemen do not take little kids away for being, well, little kids. And your credibility with them will go out the window.

[MtBikeLover]

: (to Mackysmama post)

I used to think it was no big deal to do a little lie every now and then until one time I got caught at Wendy's. My kids had been having way too much sprite (we were on vacation) and I wanted to cut it down. So we were at Wendy's and my DS asked for Sprite and I told him they didn't have any. He immediately called me on it and was very angry that I had lied to him. He told me I should have just told him the reason I didn't want him to have it.

I want my kids to know that they can believe anything I say and that I will always be honest with them. I now fully believe that even lies that seem insignificant to us can cause them to not trust us. Plus, I wouldn't want my kids to be afraid of the police and think that they are bad people.

When I need time to myself and the kids won't settle down, I do get frustrated and I tell them "I am getting frustrated because there are some things that I need to get done tonight. I really need you to go to bed." Usually, that works. If it doesn't then we each talk about our needs and try to reach a compromise. For example, we might compromise that I will read one more book.

[rumi]

it may seem that people are being hard on you when they should be sympathisnig or at least laughing with you but i too hav learned that it is better to be honest every single time with the kiddos. Trust of the child is sacred.
Only once I lied. It was about putting vicks - i put it on dd even after i said i wouldn't and knew while i said it that i woudl do it anyway - after kiddo went to sleep. i really felt i had to do it. i am nto even sure now how i could have done it differently at that time. but i have made sure to avoid that lie ever after, and told no other. and dd completely trusts me.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Mary Poppins did just the same thing ("Now be quiet or I shall have to summon a policeman"). And look what happened to her! She blew away over the rooftops. Do you want that to happen to you???

[angieluvsramon]

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom

Your kiddos are going to figure out in a few short years that policemen do not take little kids away for being, well, little kids. And your credibility with them will go out the window.

Where did she say in her post that the policeman would take them away??? You guys are being waaay too dramatic about what she did.



I thought it was cute mama! Dont worry about the flames people are throwing! Some people just need to relax!

[felix23]

Originally Posted by dallaschildren

I absolutely 100% disagree with this tactic. You are teaching them among other things, fear and mistrust on multiple levels. I can understand the need for personal time, but this isn't the way to get it. It will likely backfire.

:

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

Mary Poppins did just the same thing ("Now be quiet or I shall have to summon a policeman"). And look what happened to her! She blew away over the rooftops. Do you want that to happen to you???

Yeah, I gotta say I'm one of the obsessively honest ones.
And I work to *keep* my ds from getting scared.

eta- I definitely understand needing your time, though. Good luck.