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I know it's a lie...but I need my time too! - Page 2

post #21 of 66
Ok, obviously not a stellar parenting moment...

...but it did make me smile.

:
post #22 of 66
I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. I wouldnt make a habit of it... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.
post #23 of 66
All she said was that the policeman would give them tickets that would cost a lot of money...not that they'd be taken away or hurt or anything.

That said, I do believe in strict honesty with children. I have to say I was guilty of frequent bedtime lies when I was a preteen responsible for putting my youngest siblings to bed. My sister would, after a story and lots of kisses, and being tucked in, mostly stay in bed (though she'd talk with her brother)(twins) but my brother would keep coming back for me to give him more kisses, more hugs, more stories -- just to stay around. It drove me crazy, and I used to talk about the evil monsters who would come get little children who strayed from their bedrooms after 10 pm or whatever time. Well, my brother is in his late teens, and he still has an irrational fear of the dark and of being awake alone at night. He can't go to sleep unless there's someone else awake in the house. Is this because of my terror tales? I don't know, but I'm always going to feel guilty.
post #24 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotTheOnlyOne View Post
I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. I wouldnt make a habit of it... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.
absolutely agree. when we kids figured out the adults were just pretending, it didn't make us angry about the fact...we just rolled our eyes and huffily announced we were all grown up now!
post #25 of 66
My mother is a police officer, and I cannot tell you how many times we've been out in public (when she was in her uniform) and had parents come up to her and ask her to explain to their child/ren that the police expected them to behave their parents. My mom always complied - she never told the child that the police would arrest them or take them away, simply said that she expected children to obey their parents and that it made her sad to see kids acting up. It always seemed to work. She didn't use fear or intimidation, but I guess something about an "authority figure" (a uniformed officer) telling them to behave really seemed to make the kids straighten up.

Did the OP do the "right" thing? I'm not sure, but I doubt it will cause any problems. We're all just doing the best we can, ya know?
post #26 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrace View Post
absolutely agree. when we kids figured out the adults were just pretending, it didn't make us angry about the fact...we just rolled our eyes and huffily announced we were all grown up now!
I guess you can speak for yourself.

But when I discovered that my parents had lied to me about the Easter Bunny - I then had to retest everything else they'd told me. I still have the scar from touching the glass fireplace door. I couldn't see that it was hot - and I couldn't believe them anymore. It took quite a while, and alot of coming clean and care on their part, for me to trust them again.

I know that my aunt once lied to me. She told me not to drink from a pop can because little boys in India had peed on them... I knew she was full of cr&p. I was 10 or so at the time - and I still don't really believe anything she says. If she could tell me something that ridiculous - why would she have any credibility??? And that was how she raised her DD. I don't think it's very surprising the her DD got into drug and alcohol and smokes.
post #27 of 66
Ha, I have the opposite problem here. DP has a healthy DISrespect of the cops, so I'm constantly trying to convince him that teaching DD to oink at police cars driving by is NOT a good thing.
post #28 of 66
I'm sorry you had a bad night. I understand wanting to try anything to get them to bed. But, I agree with others who have posted about honesty being so very important in the parent/child relationship. It was a bad night. You can start over. We all make mistakes. Every day is a new beginning. Good luck to you in finding a better way.

BellinghamCrunchie- that was hilarious! :
post #29 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kessed View Post
I guess you can speak for yourself.

But when I discovered that my parents had lied to me about the Easter Bunny - I then had to retest everything else they'd told me. I still have the scar from touching the glass fireplace door. I couldn't see that it was hot - and I couldn't believe them anymore. It took quite a while, and alot of coming clean and care on their part, for me to trust them again.

I know that my aunt once lied to me. She told me not to drink from a pop can because little boys in India had peed on them... I knew she was full of cr&p. I was 10 or so at the time - and I still don't really believe anything she says. If she could tell me something that ridiculous - why would she have any credibility??? And that was how she raised her DD. I don't think it's very surprising the her DD got into drug and alcohol and smokes.
each of us can only speak for ourselves. so, i apply the same statement to you. pop cans in india is a bit rich though! also, please note i agree with the poster i quoted about NOT making this a habit.

parenting is a composite experience, each child knows the dynamics of their home so we cannot respond to any one example and derive our conclusions from it.
post #30 of 66
Hey, at least you didn't pretend to call Santa Claus and tell him that the kids didn't deserve any presents (that's what my sister did when she was babysitting!)

As a short term "I'm going nuts" strategy, I understand it, but wouldn't do it.

Is it worse than my yelling at my kids though? Because that's what I do when I'm going nuts. My gut tells me yes, because my yelling is honest emotion.
post #31 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrace View Post
each of us can only speak for ourselves. so, i apply the same statement to you. pop cans in india is a bit rich though! also, please note i agree with the poster i quoted about NOT making this a habit.

parenting is a composite experience, each child knows the dynamics of their home so we cannot respond to any one example and derive our conclusions from it.
I just can't get behind so obviously lying to a child. What if one of her girls had run down the hall and seen that there wasn't a police man there?

I just don't understand using threats like that. And I think that police are people you want kids to see as safe - not a punishment. They can be a punishment when the kid is 16 and driving. But for little kids?

Why not threaten the kid with a serial killer or something. That makes more sense.
post #32 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kessed View Post
I just can't get behind so obviously lying to a child. What if one of her girls had run down the hall and seen that there wasn't a police man there?

I just don't understand using threats like that. And I think that police are people you want kids to see as safe - not a punishment. They can be a punishment when the kid is 16 and driving. But for little kids?

Why not threaten the kid with a serial killer or something. That makes more sense.
someone upthread correctly identified the authority figure concept at work in the OP's post. so, by that token, the last idea really is not acceptable, i agree.

i've quoted the poster with whom i agreed. the sentences in bold offer clarity about the points i've already made in my previous post. other than that, i should hope this does not turn into a debate and will leave it at that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NotTheOnlyOne View Post
I thought it was pretty funny. She must have been having a really rough night to go to that extent. I dont think it will damage her kids even one little bit. I wouldnt make a habit of it... but, really... if the kids were being REALLY bad, like truant to school or burning the house down, the police would actually take them away. SO, I think its ok to know that the police expect you to be good and maybe exaggerating (sp) it isnt so bad. It would also be good if you re-enforced the idea that police are also there to help you if you need it.
post #33 of 66
OP> I am sorry things are rough at bedtime, I know how that is. It'll make a person try anything!

No flames from me, I get it. I don't happen to think it was that terrible, not the best, but not worthy of flame throwing. How about some gentle MDC-ing and some alternatives for the OP if you really dislike what was done?

It's too over the top - I try to do my best with dd but I am far from perfect and I blow it - I pray she isn't the type to feel wounded and betrayed as an older child/adult over some small incident when Mama just desperately needed her to go to bed already.

I just don't get that and on a related note, when i found out about Santa/Easter Bunny I thought, "Omg, my MOM did all that? Awesome!" Seriously, I was grateful that she did that stuff to make it special for me and I still am. I want to respectful suggest there is more to it than just merely being "lied to". Some people are more less sensitive/have more gratitude/ are less likely to find the negatives in things? Maybe something over all in the parent/child relationship was not good? I don't know? Not trying to insult, but it just isn't something I can relate to at all.

Oh, and OP... right now, for reasons I can't explain, my dd has a massive fear of the police thing going on. We've never said anything against the police to her, or told her she'd get in trouble with the police if she didn't behave. Nothing like that. It's really making life hard, she has nightmares about policemen coming in and taking away all her toys!? For that reason alone I would caution you not to try that again, but glad to hear it worked and you got some rest that one night.
post #34 of 66
I'm sorry you had a rough night. It's important to me that as my children separate into sleep that they feel secure. I would not try to scare them to sleep or tell anyone, real or imagined, that now my children were being "good" because they were intimidated.

One has a terrible time falling asleep.

May I recommend "Sleepless in America?" An excellent read.
post #35 of 66
Quote:
May I recommend "Sleepless in America?" An excellent read.


Awesome, awesome resource. I highly recommend checking it out
post #36 of 66
Thread Starter 
Really, I feel so bad. I am sorry I did this.My husband didn't agree when he heard what I did either. I plead guilty on all counts. When I posted what i did I was already tired and needed to veg a bit.

If it's any consolation. They know policemen are good men (hopefully all of them are!) When we see a policeman we go and talk to them and we have friends that are policemen. I told my 3 yr old that it really didn't happen yesterday and that mommy lied, that I was just tired.

My children don't usually have bad betimes. Usually my husband stays in their room and tell them stories as they look at their glow n' the dark star stickers. Yesterday he had to run an errand.

I had done their whole bedtime routine and sat in there telling stories and singing lullabys and recapping the day. I told them I needed rest. When that didn't work I used the policeman. I never said he would come and get me or arrest them. I said he would have to give out tickets. It shouldn't of been done. But it's done and I am sorry.

I would not use Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. To me that would be a lie. We celebrate St. Nicholaus Feast day on Dec 6th. I don't even say there is an Easter Bunny. To me it's a religious holiday.

So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".
post #37 of 66
Gwendolyn's babies:

Have you thought about telling your kids that? I mean - at some point they are going to know that policemen won't give you a ticket if they aren't in bed. It might be a cool learning experience if you show them that people can do not the best thing and come clean.

I also want to say that it takes alot of courage to post what you did. You should be proud of yourself.
post #38 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhippiemama View Post
Ha, I have the opposite problem here. DP has a healthy DISrespect of the cops, so I'm constantly trying to convince him that teaching DD to oink at police cars driving by is NOT a good thing.
This almost made me choke on my tea. Honestly, I have no desire to teach my kids that police are benevolent beings. There are good and bad ones just like any other group of people. I'll teach them that if they're lost or in trouble, a police officer is probably their best bet but also to make sure they trust their instinct about individuals.

That's kind of OT though. While I wouldn't do what the OP did, I doubt it'll be the end of the world either. I like to think that most people wouldn't distrust everything a person ever says again after one white lie. By the time they're old enough to think back on this event (if they ever do) and realize that there are no tickets for getting out of bed repeatedly, they'll be old enough to understand being super-tired and just needing some sleep, most likely.
post #39 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kessed View Post
Gwendolyn's babies
I also want to say that it takes alot of courage to post what you did. You should be proud of yourself.
:
post #40 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwendolyn's babies View Post

So thank you all for your recommendations and your empathy. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are tired (and sometimes not so tired) and need friends to "wake us up".
I know I have done many a stupid thing out of desperation or simple exhaustion, so like I said in my first response, I *totally* get it...

And I admire the grace with which you have received the suggestions and opinions in this thread.
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