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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley
 A lot of you use the gaps you yourselves had with your siblings and the relationships you and your siblings had to decide which age gap would be best for your own children. However there are no conclusive remarks - not all are saying the same things...
So... Do you think, at all, that perhaps its not the age gaps you had with your sibling that made or broke your relationship (so perhaps its not that you were so far apart in age or too close in age at all) -but perhaps the way your parents dealt with that gap? Because I think any age gap can go the wrong way if the parents dont handle things very well. If that makes sense... We have decided on a larger age gap...though im very very broody right now! lol - Its something I do think of often. Its always nice to hear what others think as well! For us, what I feel matters most to me at the moment is the relationship/bond/trust my son and I have now - making sure that is strong and secure before we bring another child into the family. My sons understanding too - he can talk but its very limited and so is his understanding. I try to think 'how would this situation work if I had a baby to look after as well' - and often times the answer it 'it wouldnt work well at all' because of these reasons. I think if we were still BF - that would be something important to me as well (waiting till my son self weaned). We are still co sleeping but I think I can do another child in the bed with us so thats not something thats as important. hmm...still thinking lol |
My mom said she intentionally waited 6 years because she wanted to have enough time to spend with me alone and give me all the attention. She didn't want me to have to split time with a sibling in the years when that matters most. She wanted me to be more independent and have friends and be able to talk about my feelings.
For the most part, she was right. There were no major adjustment issues for me. I had no jealousy over my brother. We didn't fight a lot either. I went to school and had my friends and went to girl scouts and all that. Every weekend my mom would spend a whole day with just me, as a chance to catch up and talk.
My parents handled it very well. The spacing was ideal for him. We didn't have any major problems growing up. . we were a very happy family that did a lot of family things. My mom was definitely AP, although she had never heard of the term. BF, wore her babies, cooked healthy meals from scratch, etc.
Growing up, I never felt anything lacking. It wasn't until I moved out and went to college that I realized that I just didn't know my brother. He was barely 11 when I left home and moved across the state. We've never lived together again. I was so busy doing activities and keeping busy that I never got to know him at all. And now, as an adult, I really have trouble relating to him because we are light years apart with maturity and he still lives across the state from me.
Sure, he's my brother, but I don't know much about him. I see him maybe once a year, if that, because he's 21 and livin' it up in the partying lifestyle. I know he's pretty average for 21 year olds these days, but without the solid foundation of growing up together, he's just another kid to me. I hope that when he finally matures, we can start a relationship as adults.
In a nutshell, it feels like I've been an only child my whole life and now I'm supposed to be "sisterly" to someone I barely know. I think, in a way, things would have worked out better if the gap was even larger or if it was a lot smaller.
