It feels like my 3 1/2 y.o. is never happy....

[candiland]

Let me start this off by saying that my DD has always been a high needs kid. She was born screaming and hasn't stopped since:
Now it feels like she's never happy unless I am 100% focused on her at all times, which is both totally draining and totally impossible. It makes me feel like the worst mother because she's screaming and crying all of the time! I also have a fifteen month old, so maybe I'm so busy being a parent to him that I feel like she should act more grown up than she really can, if that makes any sense. Honestly, it is really draining. If one isn't screaming and demanding something, the other one is. I don't have much energy left anymore. I get tons of breaks.... I have lots of support... but since my DD is never happy, I just feel so guilty that I'm somehow ruining her and that if I could just figure out how to be a better mom, she'd be a normal, happy kid.
Deep down inside, I am really starting to worry that she has some kind of emotional disorder or mental illness or something. I know, I know, it's horrible to think these things, but I can't help it. She's a really brilliant kid.... and I know that really smart people sometimes have emotional issues....

[glad2bhome]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this/experiencing this! I think you should seek a recommended child psychologist and get this evaluated. It may be you just have a high-needs child and perhaps some new techniques may help. Or it may be you need some early intervention. Children that get early intervention (meaning while they are young, instead of waiting until they get older) are far more likely to improve or even get the problem "fixed" than those who wait until later. I think it will do you a world of good to have an objective, professional viewpoint, too!! Hoping for the best.

~Melissa

[FreeRangeMama]

Have you considered that she might be food allergic or sensitive. My ds is super high-need, but is absolutely out of control when he eats certain foods. He can not have any sugar at all or he melts down or tantrums non-stop. It might be worthwhile to pay attention to what she is eating more or less of on better or worse days. Just an idea.
Good luck!
Laurie

[Mommiska]

Candiland -

I just wanted to add that 3.5 years old is a difficult age. If your daughter has always been high-needs anyway, add that to being the age she is, and it doesn't surprise me that she isn't happy a lot of the time.

My dd1 is almost 4, and is much better now, but we went through a phase with her this past year when she was unhappy/melting down about anything and everything. I can't remember how long it lasted, but it was extremely emotionally draining at the time.

You know your child best, but it might be worth doing a search on 3 year old threads - I know there have been at least a couple recently about difficulties with 3 year olds - there might be some good ideas in them, and they might be able to put your mind at rest a bit.

Hang in there.

[LoveBeads]

Hi and hugs.

Can you put some more specific things in your post about her unhappiness? I think that the food allergy response is a good one, maybe you need to look a little deeper into what could be causing this. I have a 3 1/2 year old who has frequent (almost daily) meltdowns and she was recently diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Now that I understand things better, I've been able to help her.

You could PM me if it makes you more comfortable but I would encourage you to post some more specifics and maybe some of the other women would have some ideas for you.

hugs again!

[SnuggleMom]

If your intuition is telling you that there may be something really wrong, please have your daughter evaluated by someone you trust. My ds (who is now 15) has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We've known that he wasn't "right" since he was 3, but we didn't come close to a diagnosis until he was 12 or 13. There were a lot of years of frustration and confusion for everyone that we might have been able to avoid.

And, Carolyn is right. This is a tough age and she might be completely fine -- just herself, yk?

But if it is something else, allergies, sensory integration, emotional or psychiatric disfunction it is so much better to find out as early as possible so that you can all learn to compensate for it.

[candiland]

Well, let's see... she screams and yells constantly, which is really, really embarrassing whenever we go anywhere. The more that I insist she speak to me in a calm, respectful manner, the harder and harder she screams and cries until she can barely breathe anymore. She can't seem to ASK for anything.... she just screams and yells like she is going to die if I don't cater to her every need and desire. For over a year now, I have been telling her things like "Mommy will only help you when you are calm and can speak to me clearly without yelling", and "mommy wants you to talk softly, like this", and "I do not hear people that yell at me. It hurts my feelings." But, it's been a year now, and it's not getting any better. At all. She goes from screaming and yelling to being very silent and sad, just sitting there with this pathetic look on her face and sucking her thumb. And then freaks out again.
BTW - mental health issues run on the female side of my family. I'm overcoming some emotional issues, my sister, my grandmother and mother were chronically depressed..... I was actually diagnosed with bipolar, but I'm "outthinking" it instead of using any sort of meds., and it is working, slowly but surely. But I don't really believe in any sort of medication unless you are a real danger to yourself or the people around you, because I have found that it is a mental state that causes the chemical imbalance, not the other way around, if that makes any sense....
Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm totally overreacting. Like, right now. She is calmly eating cereal, talking to me sweetly and politely, saying please and thank you and smiling and everything. So I'm like, okay, I've heard that the twos and threes can be the most difficult. BUT, on the other hand, I honestly do not know of any other three year old as intense as she is, so it makes me feel really, really uncomfortable, kwim?

[taralee]

hi your girl and my 3/2 yr old girl sound like two peas in a pod. i can really relate at the moment. some days she is so wonderful and then there are moments when i feel crazy. i am trying to survive by knowing she will grow older and wiser and she will start school too!! anyway, good luck and if you ever need to talk you can write to my emial. tara