I am a negitive person

[StayAtHomeMama21]

I am truely at the best time in my life. I used to party a lot, use drugs and drink all the time. I had "boyfriends" who I really didn't care about at all.

Now I am with a man that is wonderful. He is, really, wonderful. And yet, I just search for the negitive aspects in him, and I don't know why. I feel like I have never let my guard down to him, that I'm always just a little on edge. I can't bare to dance in front of him, yet I used to LOVE to dance. I think because with all the other men I didn't care if I embarassed myself, and I do now. And my son, I'm madly in love with him. I am the happiest I've ever been.

And yet, I talk negitively about everyone. I am completely two-faced, I am jealous, and sarcastic, and insecure. And possiblity a little bulimic also.

I have issues obviously, and my husband last night made it very clear that I need to face these issues now so that I can stop living so negitively.

What I'm asking for here is help. I'm not sure how I'm going to change myself this time. I want to be a postive person. I don't want everyone to bug me. I don't want to be fake, and I want to have friends.
God this is embarassing. I'm pretty sure I am seeking therapy, but are they anyother suggestions on how I can be a better person?

[abbylotus]

That must have been very hard to admit, Mama! Good luck to you.

[velcromom]

nak

but had to offer a

you just did one of the hardest steps right there.

[oram]

That must have been really hard for you to admit and that's half the battle so good for you!!! I am going through some of the same stuff. Namely the negativity towards my husband. I understand that it's not about him but about me and my internal struggle. You mention a "former" life of partying and recreational drug use- most of us did that in our younger days. You probably don't want to revisit that phase but may miss the care freeness with simpler responsibilities. Perhaps you associate your newly limited lifestyle with your husband and take it out on him?
For me It's become about redefining myself, becoming the architect of my own life again. I am not the same person I was when we got married, before I had children. Now is the time for me to address my unhappiness by finding out what it is I need. It's not an easy thing but if you ignore the need it manifests itself in self loathing, depression, a negative projection on those around you ect.. you can not give, give , give all day with out getting some of what you need.

First step- talk to a professional about the bulimia and self loathing.
Second step- be easy on yourself, you know what you want to change, keep that goal in mind and remember it's going to take a while.
Third step- put on your favorite music and dance for YOURSELF!
Keep reaching out here! good luck!

[elizaMM]

Yep, I think counseling/therapy is your best bet. You can check the "self help" section of a book store(/amazon) too and see if anything speaks to you. Or ask your therapist to recommend something once they have a general understanding of what your core issues are.

Good luck! You're on your way!