I've been through all the threads on hitters/biters/throwers who aren't aggressive and I'm still losing patience with DD.
DD is 2.5 and just has NO IDEA she's doing anything offensive when she pushes her 12 mo. old sister down every 4 minutes of every day. That's a lot of baby head hitting ceramic tile. I have been:
1. Saying "No pushing! Pushing hurts. We touch gently!"
2. Slathering on the attention, treats, love for the victim. She will often say, "Poor Soren! Soren crying! Sorry, Soren!" and show us how she can touch gently.
3. Ignoring the hitter after my brief lecture and sometimes
4. Making the hitter leave the room so that the baby can play safely (not time-out); this tactic makes her upset (only if she's being asked to leave the toy-filled playroom) but allows me to finish whatever I was doing until I can 100% referee their play together again. DD returns in a minute or 2 on her own and the cycle starts anew.
Repeat. Ad nauseum. Which is fine.....but....the baby is getting more brusied, and I am getting more frustrated. My down-to-your-level authoritative voice is getting angrier.
There is little point in punishing, mainly because we don't practice it
, but also because she doesn't "get" that she's doing anything wrong. Making her scream and cry or removing her to a less-fun room will not make her "get it;" I suspect it'll just make us all more miserable.
The hitting could be an attention getter to some extent, as it is better when I am available and play hard with them. but then again, I'm also more able to prevent it when I'm on the ground with them. It is not in anger; DD needs no time to "cool off." If I give her any attention following the incident (a slightly longer lecture), she starts laughing and pushing me. She been known to respond to "No pushing!" with "Pushing!!!!" Yay! Whee! (starts spinning and jumping while mommy loses it). So we keep it short, repetitive, and sweet.
So, does anyone have an effective list of tactics that I should be moving through instead of my current one? If it's a matter of the message sinking in and her developmental and language skills not being there yet, how long must I continue this??? Coping skills for mom? Oh, and book suggestions, as DD is an avid reader and tv and books seem to sink in for her. Anything besides books that I'm not thinking of?
Thanks all. Tonight my neighbor told me he "finally had to spank" his kindergartner for hitting his 1-year-old in order for her to understand.
I obviously need better advice than that!
DD is 2.5 and just has NO IDEA she's doing anything offensive when she pushes her 12 mo. old sister down every 4 minutes of every day. That's a lot of baby head hitting ceramic tile. I have been:
1. Saying "No pushing! Pushing hurts. We touch gently!"
2. Slathering on the attention, treats, love for the victim. She will often say, "Poor Soren! Soren crying! Sorry, Soren!" and show us how she can touch gently.
3. Ignoring the hitter after my brief lecture and sometimes
4. Making the hitter leave the room so that the baby can play safely (not time-out); this tactic makes her upset (only if she's being asked to leave the toy-filled playroom) but allows me to finish whatever I was doing until I can 100% referee their play together again. DD returns in a minute or 2 on her own and the cycle starts anew.
Repeat. Ad nauseum. Which is fine.....but....the baby is getting more brusied, and I am getting more frustrated. My down-to-your-level authoritative voice is getting angrier.
There is little point in punishing, mainly because we don't practice it
, but also because she doesn't "get" that she's doing anything wrong. Making her scream and cry or removing her to a less-fun room will not make her "get it;" I suspect it'll just make us all more miserable.The hitting could be an attention getter to some extent, as it is better when I am available and play hard with them. but then again, I'm also more able to prevent it when I'm on the ground with them. It is not in anger; DD needs no time to "cool off." If I give her any attention following the incident (a slightly longer lecture), she starts laughing and pushing me. She been known to respond to "No pushing!" with "Pushing!!!!" Yay! Whee! (starts spinning and jumping while mommy loses it). So we keep it short, repetitive, and sweet.
So, does anyone have an effective list of tactics that I should be moving through instead of my current one? If it's a matter of the message sinking in and her developmental and language skills not being there yet, how long must I continue this??? Coping skills for mom? Oh, and book suggestions, as DD is an avid reader and tv and books seem to sink in for her. Anything besides books that I'm not thinking of?
Thanks all. Tonight my neighbor told me he "finally had to spank" his kindergartner for hitting his 1-year-old in order for her to understand.
I obviously need better advice than that!
