The Queer & Pregnant thread - January/February 2008!

[KnittingTigers]

Hey folks,

After spending so much time bonding on the TTC thread, I thought it might be nice to have a queer-specific place to go when we "graduate" to pregnancy. Certainly we all have our Due Date Clubs, etc., but I personally find that sometimes it's really nice to have a queer-focused space to talk about pregnancy, relationships, etc.

Are people interested? If so, I'll start a members list here. Just post your name and due date, maybe?

And if this fizzles out due to lack of interest, that's okay too. Just thought I'd put it out there!

Okay folks, the list is here! If you want to be added, just post in bold with your name and due date.

Queer and Pregnant!

May 2008
Thismama, due 5/2008
mamastotwo (Liz & Janet), twins(!) due 5/2008
MsJodi (Jodi, DP Maureen), due 5/2/2008
TheGirls (Angela & Kelly), due 5/8/2008

June 2008
KK_Davey (KK, DP Annie, Baby Daddy Rob), due 6/23/2008
MollyKenzie (DP Kari), twins(!) due late June

July 2008
Mamimapster, due 7/15/2008

August 2008:
Solejean (Peggy, DP Lydia), due 8/1/2008
AngelaM (Angela), due 8/4/2008

September 2008:
Scalpel (Jess, DP Darcie), due 9/4/2008
Cookie, due 9/14/2008

October 2008:
TryingMammas, due 10/2008
Becca, due 10/16/08


Graduates!!!
NZmumof2 (Anna, DP Leah), Florence born 1/23/2008
Jentina (Jen & Sarah), Ellis Thomas born 2/20/2008


Recovering from Losses, to Rejoin Us Soon
Snoopy13 (JD)

[Scalpel]

Gread Idea!!

please delete...I double posted and don't know how to delete

[Scalpel]

Great Idea!!

Sweet! Im all for it.....it seems too that when you are TTC there is alot to talk about like all the waiting and trials and tribulations but once you (or your dp) is pregnant its all quiet on the western front for awhile or until major milestones come about. A least now that is how I feel like in a lull....a happy lull but still.

I am Jess my pregnant Dp is Darcie and due September 4th 2008!!

[Hulahoop]

I'm not a pregnant queer mama (yet), but I think it's great you guys have this space! You're always so nice to give advice adn support on the TTC threads, it's only fair you should be able to have a place.

[solejean]

I think it's a fabulous idea. I have been lurking in the July and August DDC's but it would be nice to have a queer friendly space to talk about pregnancy. Thanks for putting this out there AngelaM!

I am Peggy (DP Lydia) and I am due 8/1/08.

[snoopy13]

yes please!

yeah, i went to the "I'm pregnant" board and the due date club and did not really feel "at home" there, to be honest...

thanks Angela!

JD

[snoopy13]

having a hard day

hi, this will be my first post of substance to this list...

i'm having a hard day today.

a few days ago, i felt numbness in my right fingers. a few years back i would have thought i slept wrong... but last year, almost exactly a year ago, about 80% of my body got numb over a 72 hour period after 3 months of weird itching/burning symptoms in different parts of my body.

it turned out i had/have myelitis, which is inflammation in the myelin sheath of the spine. they had tested me for tons of things, including a brain MRI, for the initial symptoms and never found anything -- but when i went numb they did a neck MRI and saw the lesions (swelling) in 2 places.

i went on IV steroids for 5 days and oral for 1, got an icky spinal tap, etc etc etc. they never found a viral or bacterial cause, and given weird episodes of fatigue/chronic pain i'd had in my 20's and early 30's, it was decided that it's auto-immune. i was on neuropathy meds for months that made me feel stoned, and had to wean off of them which was hard too.

and if i get a second "episode" (NOT just recurrence of these symptoms, but something else like trouble walking, double vision, etc), i have MS. my neurologist thinks there's only about a 20% chance of that happening.

so...

over the past few days the numbness has been climbing up my right hand and into my forearm, my left fingertips are numb, and as of a few hours ago it's in my feet, particularily the right side.

it's not disabling -- it just feels like a moderate case of "my hand is asleep," etc. and it doesn't count as a new "episode."

but it sure is disappointing.

i've continued to have off and on fatigue and mild-moderate chronic pain since the numbness disappeared last spring... BUT getting pregnant really seemed to help, which is a phenomenon they've seen in autoimmune stuff that may have to do with progesterone or estriol. i've been rather un-achy and that has felt great.

but now this.

both my massage therapist (who i saw today and who specializes in prenatal massage) and my neurologist think it could be triggered by hormonal fluctuations. but the neuro wants to see me ASAP, and may ask me to get the MRI he originally said we could postpone till after delivery when i told him i was trying to conceive. (he had also said, when i told him i was pregnant, that we did not have to do ANYTHING different in terms of prenatal care, which made me feel great.) going to the neuro on wednesday.

so i just need to hang in there and not freak out.

but it sure helps swing my swinging mood a little bit harder...

bleah.

the other hard thing that happened today is i went with my partner to buy me a sports bra -- this is the first time i went bra shopping since i was 13 or 14 years old. on the street i generally pass at first glance or second glance about 80% of the time, have gotten cruised by gay men, etc. and that's just great by me.

but i'm getting sore in yoga due to this (still relatively minor) growth and aching... so we thought we'd give the sportsbra a try.

so i'm standing in the dressing room and all of them feel AWFUL. my partner points out that it may not be that they don't fit, it's that i have to get used to wearing them. but i don't want to wear them or get used to wearing them. it bothered me a lot more than i thought it would.

and that's when my feet started getting numb, as an added bonus.

so that's my day. i'm waiting for my friends to come by to take me out to dinner but i also feel like crawling into a dark deep hole...

JD

[KnittingTigers]

Awesome, I'm glad to see some familiar faces, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who hasn't quite felt "at home" in the DDCs.

Snoopy- I'm so sorry that you're dealing this numbness stuff again. I really, really, really hope that this is a random, passing symptom, with no great repercussions for your pregnancy or your health in general.

I also hear you on the bra thing. While I've always had to wear a bra, I had a breast reduction eight years ago, which improved my quality of life by about a million-fold. Now, as I watch my boobs swell back up to pre-surgery size, I just feel bloated and depressed about it.

Solejean- You and I are due within days of each other! I'm not really relishing being hugely pregnant in July, though I did just join a gym with an indoor/outdoor pool, primarily so that I can sit on the deck and float around in the water come the hot weather.

So, my exciting news is that I had my first ultrasound this week, and saw the baby! It was pretty amazing and special, and definitely made me feel more bonded and connected to the whole thing than I'd yet been feeling. We could see its arms and legs moving around, and its heart beating. Amazing!

[thismama]

I'm due in May!

Well actually very end of April but my daughter was 2 weeks late so I'm expecting (and hoping for!!) a May baby who arrives soon after uni exams are completed.

[solejean]

snoopy13

AngelaM - That must have been so cool to see the baby moving around. I also am not thrilled to think about being huge in July. I have an above ground pool in my backyard, but I'm not sure about climbing the ladder. But there is a local pool so maybe I'll have to check into using that. I've heard that swimming when you are in your last months is wonderful.


thismama May babies are great... not that I'm biased or anything. (my BD is 5/7).

[mamimapster]

Originally Posted by snoopy13

the other hard thing that happened today is i went with my partner to buy me a sports bra -- this is the first time i went bra shopping since i was 13 or 14 years old. on the street i generally pass at first glance or second glance about 80% of the time, have gotten cruised by gay men, etc. and that's just great by me.

but i'm getting sore in yoga due to this (still relatively minor) growth and aching... so we thought we'd give the sportsbra a try.

so i'm standing in the dressing room and all of them feel AWFUL. my partner points out that it may not be that they don't fit, it's that i have to get used to wearing them. but i don't want to wear them or get used to wearing them. it bothered me a lot more than i thought it would.

I totally get how a butch/passing mama would not feel good about the whole idea of a bra period. Have you looked into what they call "tank bras"-possibly even getting a tank nursing bra? Even though they have Femme-ey straps they kind of feel a bit more like an undershirt with a bra shelf built in, and if you get the nursing ones they can do double duty in the future. if you get one that is bigger/longer than your normal size they might also help support the belly when you are larger and still doing yoga.

[mamimapster]

Oh yeah, i'd love to be on the sticky for this thread-EDD is 7/15-I anticipate being late though.

[msjodi]

Hi everyone! I'm Jodi, my partner is Maureen, and I am due on May 2nd! I'll be 25 weeks along on Wednesday. This has been a crazy long road for us.

Angela, thank you so much for starting this thread. I think it's a great idea. I've been participating in my DDC, but there are definitely so many things that are specific to being a queer pregnant lady or the partner of a queer pregnant lady. So glad to be able to come here and talk to you ladies about it!

Snoopy, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with these physical issues on top of being pregnant. My experience has been that pregnancy puts everything else under a microscope- emotional and physical. I hope you feel better soon.

[msjodi]

[So, my exciting news is that I had my first ultrasound this week, and saw the baby! It was pretty amazing and special, and definitely made me feel more bonded and connected to the whole thing than I'd yet been feeling. We could see its arms and legs moving around, and its heart beating. Amazing![/QUOTE]

Aren't the ultrasounds unbelievable?? I had one the other day and my little girl was sucking her thumb! I could see her little cheeks moving in and out... absolutely amazing!

[TheGirls]

OK, me too!

I'm also Angela. My partner is Kelly, and we're expecting a girl May 6, 2008.

Solejean, I've always needed a bra, but DP can pass most of the time (gets hollered at in the restroom occasionally....) She swears by the sportsbras at Target. They're very soft and not too binding. They're not supportive enough for me (I'm a size H now...) but they're plenty for her (B/C cup), and cheap and easy to find to boot.

Also, www.decentexposures.com makes a dowdy looking but very comfortable custom sized bra. They're pricier than the target ones, but very customizable, which may help with the comfort.

[kk_davey]

Good you for starting this up Angela! I've felt not really part of the ttc thread for ages (the temping thing etc feels so far away now) but haven't wanted to give it up because it's my only link to queer ttc/pregnancy. So this is perfect for me. Yay!!

My due date is 23/06/2008, and my name is kk. My partner is Annie and our baby-daddy is Rob (we all live together).

What on earth are Due Date Clubs?! Never heard of them. Should I have one? I'm not a very on-to-it pregnant person I don't think!

And what's a passing mama? I know what butch is, obviously, but I've never heard of 'passing'? It must be an American thing...I got a bit to learn here obviously!

Snoopy - that's full on! I can't imaging having to deal with that stuff in addition to trying to focus on a positive/healthy pregnancy. I had a similar-sounding numbness, but confined to my arms and sometime my legs. They also thought MS was a possibility and did MRIs etc etc. It wasn't MS but they never did figure out what it is. So now I just live with it and it comes and goes. Knowing how stressful that ordeal was for me, I really can't imagine having to deal with what you're dealing with. It sounds like you have an amazing approach and are dealing with it all fantastically. It's comforting that they say it's probably due to hormonal fluctuations - which makes sense really, particularly given it can stop the aches, so it obviously has the ability to affect your symptoms.
I hope it all works out fine - great that you don't have to approach the pregnancy any differently.

Angela - your ultrasound sounds awesome! I loved my 12 week one - you could see him/her 'sitting' there with ankles crossed and playing with the amniotic fluid. It was all so real! I get my next ultrasound in a few weeks (1st Feb) to find out the sex. I'm so impatient for it - it feels like there's so many days between now and then and they just won't go away fast enough! Imagine if I actually had a preference for girl/boy, which I don't at all!

Ok, alive baby crying and I can no longer ignore it. I'm so excited to have found this thread - yay for Angela!!

[kk_davey]

I have a question for y'all...well, for those of you with partners anyways...

What you are going to call each of the 2 mums? Are you both going to be called mum, or one of you mum while the other gets called by their first name, etc etc.

At the moment Annie's being mum and I'm being ma, but Ali's so little that it's well open for change still. I'm not positive we've hit on the best strategy yet. So I thought I'd get some ideas from you guys.

[KnittingTigers]

Hey, it's so great to see all of these familiar faces here!

KK, I'm so glad that your pregnancy is going well. I've been thinking about you. A due date club is a group of people all due in the same month. If you go to the "I'm Pregnant" section of MDC you'll see a link to the due date clubs. Mine is fine, but definitely pretty straight!

Welcome everyone! I'll be back later with more...

[snoopy13]

Originally Posted by kk_davey

My due date is 23/06/2008, and my name is kk. My partner is Annie and our baby-daddy is Rob (we all live together).

Congrats to all of you!

Originally Posted by kk_davey

And what's a passing mama? I know what butch is, obviously, but I've never heard of 'passing'? It must be an American thing...I got a bit to learn here obviously!

that means that I "pass" as male a lot of the time, especially with people who are less familiar with what dykes can look like! I still use the womens rest room but i often get shit for it... I'm not actually sure I'm "mama" identified, I'm definitely not a lady... guess I'll see how it feels when the kid is here. I identify as somewhere between butch and trans -- I don't have a preferred pronoun, for example.

Originally Posted by kk_davey

Snoopy - that's full on! I can't imaging having to deal with that stuff in addition to trying to focus on a positive/healthy pregnancy. I had a similar-sounding numbness, but confined to my arms and sometime my legs. They also thought MS was a possibility and did MRIs etc etc. It wasn't MS but they never did figure out what it is. So now I just live with it and it comes and goes. Knowing how stressful that ordeal was for me, I really can't imagine having to deal with what you're dealing with. It sounds like you have an amazing approach and are dealing with it all fantastically. It's comforting that they say it's probably due to hormonal fluctuations - which makes sense really, particularly given it can stop the aches, so it obviously has the ability to affect your symptoms.

wow, thanks for sharing that with me. it stopped progressing for a few days and then today it escalated in my left hand and up my right leg... it's super weird but there's nothing they'd be able to do (even like an MRI) in the first trimester anyway. It's not painful or anything, just annoying. I'm going to the neurologist on Wednesday, so that's good, I like him a lot.

did you go through all that when you had your child in your life already, or was it before that? how often does it come and go? Did you have a "flare up" after delivery? hope the questions are ok, and feel free to PM me if you'd prefer.

Originally Posted by kk_davey

Angela - your ultrasound sounds awesome! I loved my 12 week one - you could see him/her 'sitting' there with ankles crossed and playing with the amniotic fluid. It was all so real! I get my next ultrasound in a few weeks (1st Feb) to find out the sex. I'm so impatient for it - it feels like there's so many days between now and then and they just won't go away fast enough! Imagine if I actually had a preference for girl/boy, which I don't at all!

We're going for my first ultrasound 2/1, which is just 8 weeks into it, so i think it's too early to see a beating heart, right? I was thinking to ask them to hold off a few weeks if the only purpose is to nail down due date -- as we've pretty much got that nailed down due to our certainty about when we inseminated!! but on the other hand, to be able to confirm that there's the right kind of development happening in there, even this early on, would be great.

Originally Posted by kk_davey

Ok, alive baby crying and I can no longer ignore it. I'm so excited to have found this thread - yay for Angela!!

i agree!!!!!!

JD

[snoopy13]

Originally Posted by kk_davey

What you are going to call each of the 2 mums? Are you both going to be called mum, or one of you mum while the other gets called by their first name, etc etc.

we haven't figured this out yet. i feel like i will either be mom or something non-traditional/non-gendered. i think my partner may be mommy or maybe mom if i'm not mom...

JD