Hello all.
My daughter just turned two. We also have a 10 month old as well. I just read an article in the most recent Mothering Mag about gentle discipline. I totally grasped everything the article was explaining. I am not all about punishment. For example, when my daughter does something unintentionally or accidentally there is no punishment (I remember getting punnished for these reasons). If she throws a tantrum, I simply hold her and talk to her. Only the things below we punish for. I think we do this out of fear of loss of control of her. But from the article I understand that she's learning not to do something from punnishment, yes, but only because she fears the punnishment....not because she respects me or anyone else enough not to do it.
Our issues are hitting, biting, pushing, and not shairing toys with her young brother (and other times with other children). If I tell her no twice, she then gets a light "pop" on her diaper from "the spoon" or "time out" which we've quit doing because she thinks it is a joke. I've noticed that yes, Wini does fear the spoon. But, the offenses haven't stopped. If I say "Wini if you don't stop hitting, I'm getting the spoon", she looks scared but she hits anyway. IF I then bring the spoon into her view, she stops but her eyes are filled with fear and anxiety. I just don't feel in my heart that what we're doing is effective. I've feared from the beginning that If I didn't use some type of punnishment that we would lose control of our children and have public out-bursts and things. Any advice?
On the tantrum issue, it totally just makes sense not to discipline her then. If I do, her emotions increase. My husband didn't so much understand that last night when she was freaking out in the tub, declining a bath. I simply took off my clothes and jumped in with her. I held her in my lap until she was ok with it. Then we bathed, she was happy, my husband was at a loss for words and I think a little frustrated at himself for getting so worked up and stating "next time she does that, I'll lose it". I think he's getting it now. I placed the Mothering article next to his bed.
I just need some other options. I hope we haven't hurt her thus far. Is it ok to change now. Will we totally confuse her? I am just glad we're working on this before John Allen begins to do these same things. I hate that Wini has had to be some what of a learning tool.
Help!
From a willing to listen and learn mother,
Kristen Brinkley
My daughter just turned two. We also have a 10 month old as well. I just read an article in the most recent Mothering Mag about gentle discipline. I totally grasped everything the article was explaining. I am not all about punishment. For example, when my daughter does something unintentionally or accidentally there is no punishment (I remember getting punnished for these reasons). If she throws a tantrum, I simply hold her and talk to her. Only the things below we punish for. I think we do this out of fear of loss of control of her. But from the article I understand that she's learning not to do something from punnishment, yes, but only because she fears the punnishment....not because she respects me or anyone else enough not to do it.
Our issues are hitting, biting, pushing, and not shairing toys with her young brother (and other times with other children). If I tell her no twice, she then gets a light "pop" on her diaper from "the spoon" or "time out" which we've quit doing because she thinks it is a joke. I've noticed that yes, Wini does fear the spoon. But, the offenses haven't stopped. If I say "Wini if you don't stop hitting, I'm getting the spoon", she looks scared but she hits anyway. IF I then bring the spoon into her view, she stops but her eyes are filled with fear and anxiety. I just don't feel in my heart that what we're doing is effective. I've feared from the beginning that If I didn't use some type of punnishment that we would lose control of our children and have public out-bursts and things. Any advice?
On the tantrum issue, it totally just makes sense not to discipline her then. If I do, her emotions increase. My husband didn't so much understand that last night when she was freaking out in the tub, declining a bath. I simply took off my clothes and jumped in with her. I held her in my lap until she was ok with it. Then we bathed, she was happy, my husband was at a loss for words and I think a little frustrated at himself for getting so worked up and stating "next time she does that, I'll lose it". I think he's getting it now. I placed the Mothering article next to his bed.
I just need some other options. I hope we haven't hurt her thus far. Is it ok to change now. Will we totally confuse her? I am just glad we're working on this before John Allen begins to do these same things. I hate that Wini has had to be some what of a learning tool.
Help!
From a willing to listen and learn mother,
Kristen Brinkley
