Dealing w/depression?

[shelbean91]

Not yours- a family members?

How do I deal with someone close to me suffering from depression? It's relatively newly dx'd, though I suspect it's been festering for a while. How do I support this w/o ending up depressed myself?

I want to be supportive and helpful, but I have such a 'suck it up' attitude about most things and I know that attitude isn't helpful in this situation.

Thanks for any insight.

[AnyMama]

well, it's really hard. It is easy to be weighed down. Is your family member seeking treatment? That alone will help. Understanding depression isn't enough to help you get by. You can be loving and supportive, but your loved one may be unable to feel the love and support you're giving because of their illness. And being supportive means not letting the illness take control. It's not okay to lie in bed all day, getting up and becoming active will help them feel better, even if they don't want to. You really need to balance loving with permissive.

You could look into a support group, NAMI offers them, I'm sure there are others as well.

I hope your family member is seeking treatment, that truly is the only way for things to get better. Accept them as they are and don't treat them with kid gloves. Don't be harsh either. Just treat them like a normal human being, because that's what they are, they just also have an illness too that can be treated.

[elizaMM]

Originally Posted by AnyMama

Understanding depression isn't enough to help you get by.

True, but it is a great place to start. If you haven't already, read books, learn about the illness.

When I've been depressed, I've had a REALLY hard time with others' "suck-it-up" attitude. I'd love to "suck it up" the problem is, I CANT, and that is really depressing. I think the biggest cause of misunderstanding by mentally healthy people is they think since they can "suck it up", anybody can. That's exactly what depressed people can't do; that's the illness (partly).

If your family member is seeing a counselor, you could see them too and talk about it, together or separate. You could talk to a completely different counselor about frustrations you may be having and ask about specific ways to help given your family members' specific symptoms.

Ask her/him what they'd like of you. I have sometimes felt like people don't care about my problem b/c they never ask, "how is your depression?" or "how are your emotions doing?" I always have to bring it up, and when I do, they don't have much to say. Others don't want to be reminded or want to be treated like they don't have a problem.

[shelbean91]

This is new and treatment is just beginning. There is an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. Hopefully, there will be a few more answers, but I'm sure it will create more questions than answers.

Thank you.

[nancy926]

If you're depressed, you can't "suck it up." Depression is like heart disease or diabetes or arthritis - it's a medical condition.

You won't end up depressed yourself, just by being around a depressed person. You can't "catch" depression.

If being with the person is bringing you down, find other ways to support him or her. Cards, little gifts, a phone call here or there, emails. Just let the person know you are thinking of him/her. Maybe cook a meal and bring it over, or do something with the person that you know he/she enjoys doing.