For any mama but specifically Christian mamas: gentle discipline book against spankin

[mkmama]

I wanted to post this b/c I have been searching about spanking and am just bombarded with the typical answers about the Bible saying spanking is proper...but this author does an excellent job going into the original language (hebrew) and saying the bible does not mandate spanking. there are two great chapters on this, and a host of other things. I really find the book incredibly helpful, and it has really helped my outlook on gentle discipline. I now officially do not feel spanking is right. I may post more on this later but wanted to give mamas the link.

http://www.amazon.com/Heartfelt-Disc.../dp/1578565839

[sparkprincess]

Thank you!! I have done a lot of my own Bible study and feel certain that spanking is not mandated in the Bible, but I can't wait to read this book all the same!

[brightonwoman]

I think even without going into translations, the bible is not condoning spanking...I look at two things:

First, that quote people always give 'spare teh rod and spoil the child' can be understood a whole bunch of ways.
most people get stuck on "if you spare the rod it will spoil the child", but just as valid would be "you should spare the rod and spoil the child!"

The biggest thing I look at though is Christ. Looking at Christ's example of how He dealt with sinners--did he punish them physically? Never! He said "he that is without sin shall cast the first stone" and "thy sins are forgiven". He taught correct behavior, sometimes verbally repremanded, and always loved and loved and loved. The harsh punishments of the Old Testament are fulfilled in the New Testament--meaning that NT supercedes OT law...NT is what we are supposed to follow. And The law of the NT is the law of love.

[gentleearthmama]

Regarding spanking
I was raised in a very strict christian home and my mother dutifuly spanked my, using the "spare the rod, spoil the child" arguement.
I have since learned that shepards used their rods not to beat their sheep into submission, but to gently guide them in the right direction. So what the Bible meant is by not giving your children gentle guidance, you are spoiling them! When I learned that it made me so happy! It did not erase the abuse inflicted on me, but gave me a tool to better understand the Bible and to justify my own parenting decisions to my mother!

[annettemarie]

Clay Clarkson does a great job in this book, I think. He doesn't come out specifically against spanking, but I think he pretty conclusively shows that you can't claim the Bible says you have to do it.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by brightonwoman

The harsh punishments of the Old Testament are fulfilled in the New Testament--meaning that NT supercedes OT law...NT is what we are supposed to follow. And The law of the NT is the law of love.

I've said it before, but I think we need to be very careful with this kind of language, lest we come across as anti-semitic. There's a lot of grace, love, and mercy to be found in the Old Testament. Likewise, there's some pretty harsh stuff in the New Testament.

[purple_kangaroo]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I've said it before, but I think we need to be very careful with this kind of language, lest we come across as anti-semitic. There's a lot of grace, love, and mercy to be found in the Old Testament. Likewise, there's some pretty harsh stuff in the New Testament.

Yes, definitely. Even Christ was quite harsh with people sometimes . . . knocking them flat on their backs, taking a whip to the moneychangers and knocking over their tables, etc.

There's quite a bit of discussion of these issues and I think some book suggestions in this thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=726290

OP, thanks for recommending the book. I'll have to see if my library has it.

[Danielle13]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I am already bombarded (spank her when she pulls your hair the bible says to) and my baby is only 3.5 months old! what the heck right!!

[mkmama]

wow ladies, i'm so thankful that there were responses!!!!
The author goes into the hebrew word Naar for "child" which is meant for adolescent children...not little children. And that is still not condoning using a "rod" on a teenager. can you even imagine? ANYWAY, i hope you that pick this book up enjoy it, it has helped me immensely.

I also found Paul asking the Corinthian's...in this verse very helpful

"What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?" (4:21)

And yes, the ultimate example is Christ...I can't ever imagine him beating a child...as I study his character, he loves children and tells us to let them come to him. He only speaks of them tenderly. And the Holy Spirit within me just says its not right.

I see the look on my child's face when i have spanked him (i probably have about 10x b/c i believed it to be right b/c it works and has been taught by Christians for so long...but i felt inside it was wrong so that is why i started researching for myself). I'm glad i learned when DS was young as not to continue. I have to admit when i get very angry i want to spank his bottom but i am refusing to give into this fleshly desire within myself, even if i must walk away with him crying, i need to be a mom that can comfort and gently lead him to the Way.

Glad to see others on here...its encouraging to me.

[mkmama]

just so some more can see.

[Datura]

Dr. Sears does a Christian Parenting book, for those intersted in more resources.

[Arielle]

Yay! like minded mommies!
This is something I will be reading AsAP. I have so many friends that stick to "spare the rod spoil the child" I need some new material to back up my way of gentle disapline.

[Joyster]

must be my denomenstion, because I'm surprised that many of you seem to be facing the belief that Christian is a parent who embraces spanking.

[Arielle]

Hmm, i dont embrace spankning, but I am ridiculed by fellow parents because they are so consumed by their childrens fear of them because they do spank. I was spanked A LOT growing up, and I am still pretty fearful of my mom. I dont want that for my kids, so its worth looking into a different approach. Once I'm educated on it, I can hopefully have a discussion with fellow parents.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I've said it before, but I think we need to be very careful with this kind of language, lest we come across as anti-semitic. There's a lot of grace, love, and mercy to be found in the Old Testament. Likewise, there's some pretty harsh stuff in the New Testament.

Agreed!

Looks like a good book. Maybe I should pick it up for my Christian SIL who thinks spanking is the best thing ever

[MoonStarFalling]

How to Really Love Your Child is also written by a Christian author and he talks about spanking and the rod. I'm afraid no amount of information can reach my in laws. I was given several box sets of audio tapes explaining why the bible says you MUST spank your children. They refute all the claims that the rod wasn't actually used to hitting etc. It's to my horror that such a thing is produced and sold.

[annettemarie]

There are a fair many Christians (including Christian authors) who don't embrace spanking. Sadly, the spankers seem to get more press.