Originally Posted by lotus.blossom
In Aldorts examples the child would have agreed and moved on to something else. There aren't any examples of children who insist and don't back down.
Yeah, I did struggle with this type of stuff from ds - particularly since he wasn't really GD'd before 2.5 (well he was to a degree, but I had a lot of work to do on myself). What I found is that it is OK to let them feel the disappointment with little imput from you except to just be there with them and validate as needed (it was necessary for me to really assess when I was saying No or what and why I was limiting something and tbh, that improved the level of trantrums within weeks once I got in the swing of questioning myself before I opened my mouth). My son had healing to do and it tied in with her saying that in the beginning with validating and letting them know you understand etc that the periods of crying/protesting will likely be longer and quite intense. Once I accepted that and just let the whole idea *be* he would be crying one second and then just suddenly move on. He might have only cried a minute, but because there was no punishment, no irritation shown on my part, just active watching/listening/comfort/connection and he would move on - it was really weird and amazing to watch, not like he'd given up crying coz it wasn't getting attention (which is what mainstream advice suggests aka ignore the tantrum) but it was like he'd processed and accepted and trusted the answer and the validation helped him do that. What I also found was mostly saying *less* was better than doing too much talking. I also found the less you reprimand, the more likely they are to listen and accept when you do pull them up on something because it's not overused and there is no pattern of needing to fight for what you want and that there will be opposition over everything.
I loved her article on sibling rivalry (from her website) on how to deal with that, it completely was the way for us when it hit when my kids were younger. Many are too scared to try it, coz they see it as rewarding the offender, but she was bang on with the offender actually hurting inside and to give love (even in the moment of the hitting/offending) rather than the urge to correct and lecture and isolate.