Maybe you guys can help me calm down, or remind me that I can't change this, even if I try to -- just one mother at a time.
I have been doing expecting clubs/playgroups both online and IRL for 9 years now. It seems that the only pedi I had heard of saying "your baby is doing JUST FINE on breastmilk" was my own. And with my first I didn't trust him, even when he told me if I cut out dairy my DD would be less fussy and would go longer between feedings. Like a LOT of "un-breast-educated" women I thought my baby wasn't getting enough to eat - with the help of family members (g-ma) LITERALLY chasing me with a sample bottle of formula just INSISTING my baby must be STARVING since she wanted to nurse so often. I fought it, I fought through it and had a happy, healthy baby who nursed well into her 2nd year. Through my own doubts and fears, plus exhaustion, and hideously cracked and sore nipples -- I did it.
Nobody questioned me on my nursing my 2nd chid -- he thrived and I already grew a healthy one before him. Even though I moved 350mi. from that first pedi, I landed in another very PRO-BREASTFEEDING practice. No weight checks or questions just "don't supplement" -- yeah don't worry. He also breastfed into his second year. He was a bit small, yet -- nothing in terms of my milk inadequacy -- but then his doctor practiced in Africa for a few years.
My third came with some issues, and I, like an idiot (with my mom's urging although it was ultimately my choice) supplemented too soon - she refused my breast by 5 mos.
I had AWESOME BF support from the local LC at that Navy base. Regardless I learned a big lesson in BF'ing non-support with that child, you see a good friend was EBF'ing her DD who was born ten days after mine. While my child exclusively formula fed by 5 mos up to a year was small in stature - my friend's breastfed baby was the same EXACT SAME SIZE AND WEIGHT and she was literally being forced to bring her baby in for frequent weight checks. She did major nurse-a-thons to increase weight before appt's etc, and at the same time NOBODY SAID A THING TO ME. Different dr's/hospitals -- but STILL.
Come to my fourth child, who I refuse to supplement and I feed on demand. He lost a pound after birth, but yet even his doctor was fine about waiting until his 2nd month for an appt. She did add in "to check his weight gain" but it sounded more like auto-pilot than actual CONCERN.
Sooooo, while I am on the net I find it SO DARN FRUSTRATING to see mother's, especially first-timers, who are forced into bi/tri-daily weight checks and being told their babies (even though they are gaining) must be supplemented. Even when I offer tons of support and basically plead they not supplement - as they themselves report how much they dislike/distrust the doctor's and the weight checks -- they supplement anyway. I try to explain that this will effect their supply and it's like "la la la cant hear you!" And there is always someone or two or three that says "you do what's best for your baby!" (read: as long as YOU dont feel guilty) When what's best hasn't even really been established, and the mom's are scared to be deemed "bad mommy's" because their baby didn't gain by formula fed infant standards. Oh for heaven's sake! Your baby is fine if s/he's gaining! Look at the BABY NOT THE THE SCALE is my new mantra, and said mantra is falling on super big deaf ears. I offer links to articles, to the WHO charts for breastfed babies, etc.
I am on an online strike at this point - I dont want to post at familiar places, I just want to give up. Breastfeeding is so important, and they all "know" this going in. YET, they seem to forget it for a myriad of reasons. At the same time it's shocking how much time and commitment it takes on a first time mother -- breastfed babies certainly dont act as happy and peaceful just gazing at mobiles in their little cribs or what-not in the old fomula company commercials, the bottle commercials, and the diaper commercials. They have growth spurts. They require more time and commitment. They prefer to be held near their mommies and their milk. I was a first time mom once. Heck somedays I want to shake-off when I hand someone else the baby just to get some sense of self back (my baby is only one month old). It's a LOT -- I know. AND it doesn't help that a breastfed infant is instantly handed back to a mother the minute s/he cries. BUT formula fed babies -- well everyone KNOWS the baby is well fed by the visual ounce, so other's work harder to calm a formula fed baby before just handing him/her back to mom to shush her. That does NOT help a mom who reluctantly supplements and then see's/feels fine with supplementing since other's help.
Even my DH on his fourth baby will do the mommy shuffle to pass me the baby the very moment he cries.
I also know first hand what it it is to have had two great breastfeeding relationships then lose that with my third, and not even second guess my abilities with my fourth. No, it's not the end of the world, my FF baby has been very healthy, but we missed a lot. She doesn't know it -- but I do.
That's my rant, thanks for listening. Maybe you can offer some advice? Should I just give up on my on-line lactivism, or pray that one woman doesn't give in to the supplementing
?
I know lactivism helped me get through my first six weeks with my first child...that PRIDE in feeding my baby the very BEST FOOD. How do I gently bring that to others?
I have been doing expecting clubs/playgroups both online and IRL for 9 years now. It seems that the only pedi I had heard of saying "your baby is doing JUST FINE on breastmilk" was my own. And with my first I didn't trust him, even when he told me if I cut out dairy my DD would be less fussy and would go longer between feedings. Like a LOT of "un-breast-educated" women I thought my baby wasn't getting enough to eat - with the help of family members (g-ma) LITERALLY chasing me with a sample bottle of formula just INSISTING my baby must be STARVING since she wanted to nurse so often. I fought it, I fought through it and had a happy, healthy baby who nursed well into her 2nd year. Through my own doubts and fears, plus exhaustion, and hideously cracked and sore nipples -- I did it.
Nobody questioned me on my nursing my 2nd chid -- he thrived and I already grew a healthy one before him. Even though I moved 350mi. from that first pedi, I landed in another very PRO-BREASTFEEDING practice. No weight checks or questions just "don't supplement" -- yeah don't worry. He also breastfed into his second year. He was a bit small, yet -- nothing in terms of my milk inadequacy -- but then his doctor practiced in Africa for a few years.
My third came with some issues, and I, like an idiot (with my mom's urging although it was ultimately my choice) supplemented too soon - she refused my breast by 5 mos.
I had AWESOME BF support from the local LC at that Navy base. Regardless I learned a big lesson in BF'ing non-support with that child, you see a good friend was EBF'ing her DD who was born ten days after mine. While my child exclusively formula fed by 5 mos up to a year was small in stature - my friend's breastfed baby was the same EXACT SAME SIZE AND WEIGHT and she was literally being forced to bring her baby in for frequent weight checks. She did major nurse-a-thons to increase weight before appt's etc, and at the same time NOBODY SAID A THING TO ME. Different dr's/hospitals -- but STILL.Come to my fourth child, who I refuse to supplement and I feed on demand. He lost a pound after birth, but yet even his doctor was fine about waiting until his 2nd month for an appt. She did add in "to check his weight gain" but it sounded more like auto-pilot than actual CONCERN.
Sooooo, while I am on the net I find it SO DARN FRUSTRATING to see mother's, especially first-timers, who are forced into bi/tri-daily weight checks and being told their babies (even though they are gaining) must be supplemented. Even when I offer tons of support and basically plead they not supplement - as they themselves report how much they dislike/distrust the doctor's and the weight checks -- they supplement anyway. I try to explain that this will effect their supply and it's like "la la la cant hear you!" And there is always someone or two or three that says "you do what's best for your baby!" (read: as long as YOU dont feel guilty) When what's best hasn't even really been established, and the mom's are scared to be deemed "bad mommy's" because their baby didn't gain by formula fed infant standards. Oh for heaven's sake! Your baby is fine if s/he's gaining! Look at the BABY NOT THE THE SCALE is my new mantra, and said mantra is falling on super big deaf ears. I offer links to articles, to the WHO charts for breastfed babies, etc.
I am on an online strike at this point - I dont want to post at familiar places, I just want to give up. Breastfeeding is so important, and they all "know" this going in. YET, they seem to forget it for a myriad of reasons. At the same time it's shocking how much time and commitment it takes on a first time mother -- breastfed babies certainly dont act as happy and peaceful just gazing at mobiles in their little cribs or what-not in the old fomula company commercials, the bottle commercials, and the diaper commercials. They have growth spurts. They require more time and commitment. They prefer to be held near their mommies and their milk. I was a first time mom once. Heck somedays I want to shake-off when I hand someone else the baby just to get some sense of self back (my baby is only one month old). It's a LOT -- I know. AND it doesn't help that a breastfed infant is instantly handed back to a mother the minute s/he cries. BUT formula fed babies -- well everyone KNOWS the baby is well fed by the visual ounce, so other's work harder to calm a formula fed baby before just handing him/her back to mom to shush her. That does NOT help a mom who reluctantly supplements and then see's/feels fine with supplementing since other's help.
Even my DH on his fourth baby will do the mommy shuffle to pass me the baby the very moment he cries. I also know first hand what it it is to have had two great breastfeeding relationships then lose that with my third, and not even second guess my abilities with my fourth. No, it's not the end of the world, my FF baby has been very healthy, but we missed a lot. She doesn't know it -- but I do.
That's my rant, thanks for listening. Maybe you can offer some advice? Should I just give up on my on-line lactivism, or pray that one woman doesn't give in to the supplementing
?I know lactivism helped me get through my first six weeks with my first child...that PRIDE in feeding my baby the very BEST FOOD. How do I gently bring that to others?
