Today has been awful. (vent) Update #14 ... and #17

[CheapPearls]

I wasn't sure where to post this but I really just need to let it out.

Today has so SO horrible and it's not even 2 pm yet. I'm just sitting here bawling because I'm so stressed out and exhausted.

2 nights ago E, my 2 month old, refused to sleep and was up all night crying so I got no sleep that night then yesterday I was running around getting stuff done so on top of no sleep I am plain exhausted. Last night was okay but I'm still not caught up.

Today T, my 2 y/o is being... well a 2 y/o. He's been screaming NO and basically not listening since he woke up at 6am. It makes me want to just smack him across the face. I HATE the not listening. I know he's still so little but it feels like he does it just to see me get upset. When he says no he looks so darn happy about it.

Now E is screaming and wont let me put him down all day, I know he's tired but I think he's picking up on my stress. I have him in the swing and he's crying but I just can't handle him right now. I'm scared I'm going to hurt him. I'm hoping he'll just fall asleep soon.

I tried calling Dh but I don't know how he's going to help. He just started his job last week and it's not like he can just pick up and come home. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and I'm going to talk with him about possible PDD but I have to make it to Thursday first.

At least H, 4 y/o, is being great today and I FINALLY got T to take a nap.

I really really need a break. : I want to be a great mama but days like this make it really hard. ... I guess I'lll go get E now. I could use some hugs and support.

[Imogen]

It definitely sounds like you need a break, and some support. Any friends or family than could provide that?


Peace

[muttix2]

I hope your day gets better.

[Shaki]

sounds rough...hang in there!

[CheapPearls]

Nak. I got E asleep but I'm one handed.

We are living with my mom right now but she works all day and I hate to dump the kids on her, especially when they are acting like this. Then, DH as much as he loves the kids doesn't have the patience to deal with them after work and it would just stress me out more because he spanks and yells at them. (we are talking about that and he's doing the best be can). My one friend here has little ones of her own and she's also living with her parents so she can't watch them.

That's another thing that is stressing me out. We just moved last month and we are only here until May so there's boxes everywhere and we are so crammed in here and between the 3 of us, the kids and the pets (9 cats and 6 dogs total) it's hard to keep the house clean. There's dishes all over the kitchen, cat and dog hair EVERYWHERE, laundry is piling up because I never get a chance to sit down and fold it so we are basically living out of the hampers, plus DH works 60 hour weeks (6 days a week) so he's not much help and wants to relax on his day off. WHERE IS MY DAY OFF?! WAH! It doesn't help that when I say I need a break but I can't leave E he goes "well you decided to breast feed..."

Dh is a great man but today I shall just focus on the negative crap because I always keep that stuff to myself. It doesn't help that with living here my mom tends to point out all the bad stuff about him but I know she just wants me to be happy.

I'm feeling a bit better now that E is sleeping... and drolling all over my shirt... but I know if I try to put him down he'll wake up and scream some more so I guess I won't be getting anything done today. I think I really just needed to let it all out. I'm hoping T wakes up in a good mood and we can go play outside. I think that will help put us all in better moods.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

That sounds really, really stressful. Some random thoughts, that may or may not be possible.

Your DH needs to realize that even if he is tired he needs to help more at home. If he can't (or you don't want him to) deal with the kids, then he can deal with the laundry. He can even do it while watching the ball game (or whatever), but he needs to do it. Or whatever deal you work out so some of your stress is relieved. It doesn't matter than he works 60 hrs/wk. You work more. Kids and house are both of your resonsibilities.

Can you hire a neighborhood teen to help you unpack, or even just stack the boxes better? Can you store them somewhere else so you aren't so crowded? Sometimes little things like that can make a big difference. Better yet, can you hire someone to just come help keep the kids entertained? Even if you are there, sometimes just having someone work with one child while you have the other really helps.

Can you find somewhere for the kids to get out and run around? A YMCA class? Toddler sports? Something that you don't necessarily have to participate in so you can hold the baby.

Can you all 3 nap together so you get a better break mid-day?

It is better to put a baby down and let him cry than hurt him. That was a good choice!! Are there other things that you can just let go of? Are you trying to hard to be a good mom that you are loosing your needs? For example, if you are trying to be "no media", would it be better to let them watch a 1/2 hr. video and get some rest? (Just an example -- not sure where you are on such things). Look at the bigger picture for things like that -- including your needs.

[cycle]

It sounds like you are having a really hard time and I'm sorry for all of you. It sounds like your living situation is probably a contributing factor to the overall stress - its no fun living in a cramped and unpacked house, you feel like you can't relax because you aren't home yet - at least thats how I feel.

Your 2 month old is doing what 2 months old do - they want to be held/close to momma and they want to nurse. If you can figure out a way to just wear him most of the time, experiment with carriers or slings to see which works best for you to be able to still get things done while wearing him. When my son was 2 months old he was pretty much on me or next to me 24/7, it took a bit to figure out how to wear him and still get things done, once I did it was a walk in the park!

As far as your 2 year old, as you said, he is being 2. As you mentioned your stress is affecting everyone, so it is feeding on itself and making everyone miserable. Your 2 year old ds could be having issues with you and the new baby, is there a way you can spend some one on one time with just him throughout the day a few times? I know its easier said then done, but even if you are wearing you 2 month old ds, you can still interact and play with 2 year old. Also, can you get 2 year old ds involved with what you are doing? "Helping" with housework, "helping" with baby, when I started having ds "help" me with things is when I actually started getting things done again. How about getting out of the house for a little while every day? If you live where it is warm could you go to a park or play outside? If you live where its cold are there any playgroups or indoor areas you could go? Maybe getting your older ds's out to run some energy out would help too.

As far as your dh spanking, this is not going to help anything ever with your kids' behavior. If I were you I would demand that he never spank them again and attempt to educate him on other forms of discipline. Its not fair that you never get any time because you know that he will spank...

Good Luck Momma.

[HollyBearsMom]

I am so sorry. I hope your day gets better very soon!

[newmommy]

First off,

But I have to agree with a PP, I understand your DH is tired when he gets home from work. We all are.

I WOH 60+ hours per week while DS stays home with DH (WAHD) during the day. By 6:30pm, my husband is fried. Just fried. So am I.

I'll be the first to admit, that when I get home after dealing with screaming clients all day, as much as DS is my heart, I just want to come home and crawl in the bed and block out the world.

But I cant and I won't. That's not fair to DH. I have to suck it up and deal with it and inwardly count down the hours til bedtime...when I can get some downtime.

If I did to my DH what your DH does to you, then I know for a fact, DS would NOT continue to receive high quality care from his father.

Getting a break for yourself is essential and your DH has to step up. Period. Without spanking (I know you mentioned you are working on that...Good).

Otherwise, you will be no good to those Kids and nobody else.

Also, the longer he's "off the hook" after work, the longer it will take to break the habit KWIM?

[crittersmom]

(((hugs))) I have no time to really post but I've been there and am there at least once a week,if not day.There will be better times.

[Orono Mom]

(((big big hugs)))

It sounds like you're really overloaded!! Can you put your 2 month old in a sling (so you can wear him- maybe he will nap a bit and settle down)? I've been in those dark places too... I think the boxes and stuff piled up makes it all that much worse. For your own mental health, please see if you can get some health for even an hour or two... hope things get better soon.

[treqi]

Ok : are the animals in the house yours or your mothers? If they are yours can you make other arrangements for them until you are better able to take care of them and yourself 15 animals is a lot... if they are your mothers can you ask her about dealing with the hair situation ie. providing sticky rollers and her vacuuming a lot maybe even a shedding brush?....... Does your mom have a dishwasher? if so since it sounds like they expect you to do a majority of the cleaning can you ask that everyone rinse their plate/silverware/cup/bowl every time they use one and load it? If there isn't a dishwasher everyone could at least rinse and stack nicely...... with the laundry could you sort it and set aside time when mommy and the kids fold and put away their own laundry well i guess you'll have to do E's but maybe T&H could help DH can fold and put away his own......... Do you need a sling I have one I can send to you for free I'm also selling some on the TP...... hope you have 2 great days on tue and wed:

[HarperRose]

OH, boy. Your hands are VERY full!!

How is today going?

[CheapPearls]

Thanks so much for all the hugs and advice.

I do have a sling but as E is getting bigger it's becoming a bit awkward but once T was down for a nap I sat down and just held E so he could nap and after he woke up he was a very happy baby again.

T did wake up in a better mood and we went outside for a little while to burn off energy and get some fresh air.. Of course my luck H was the one in trouble all night (post in GD about that). They went to bed without any fighting though for once.

I talked with DH about everything after the kids went to bed and first it started into a fight with him asking me if I spanked them, of course I didn't then "well because you don't spank they are walking all over you!" I'll admit that the kids do listen and behave a lot better when he's around.

But after that intial crap, we talked about what we can do with the kids to aviod days like yesterday. Dh agreed to stop spanking if I give him alternatives that work. My "homework" today (haha) is to write out some rules and the discipline to go with them so both of us are on the same page. I'm also going to show my mom so we don't end up being the bad guys while Grandma is the nice one, especially since now when they get in trouble when she's here they run to her. I'm also going to work on spending more time one on one with each of them. I'm thinking part of it was them wanting attention.

As for the cleaning, 4 of the pets are mine (3 cats, 1 dog), the rest are my mom's. We have been talking about finding other homes for some of the cats and one of the cats is dying of cancer so it's possible we will be cutting it down soon. The good thing is a majority of the time all but one of the dogs and 3 of the cats are outside since we live in the country and have a lot of yard.

My mom helps with the cleaning mostly on the weekends (she works 4 days a week) and DH will help out when asked or things get out of control. I was just pissy yesterday so it came off as he doesn't do anything. He also keeps the kids from bugging me when I'm in cleaning mode. Before we moved in here, I was able to keep up with the cleaning just fine but add in an extra person and the pets, it's a bit harder. We did move a whole bunch of boxes out into my mom's shed to that helped.

I think I need to write up a list and delgate chores to H (he had chores before we moved and he's been off the hook lately), my mom and DH. That would be a big help.

I'm really hoping today is going to be better, so far we are having a good start.

[HarperRose]

[Doodlebugsmom]

Whew! That sure sounds tough. My oldest is just about 6, and my little guy is now 3.5. I have FINALLY been able to keep up with the housecleaning and cooking, after three years of letting things slide and getting takeout all the time! I remember many, many days just like you're having. At least I only have 2 dogs to take care of. Sometimes even that gets overwhelming. It's funny, I don't remember the dogs being so high-maintenance before I had kids. So, it all the animals aren't yours, I don't see how you can be expected to take care of cleaning up after them, feeding them, letting them out, etc.

Hang in there, and know that many of us have been there!

[CheapPearls]

Things have definiately improved! I even took the 3 of them... to the doctors... by myself. : But besides a bit of whining, mostly because it was very close to lunch time, we had no problems.

I printed out some articles for DH, talked with him a lot and even added in a episode of Super nanny. He kept his promise and hasn't spanked so that's good but he has threatened to spank, working on that still. He's hard for him to make a complete 180 but he's trying. I'm thinking of asking him to just back off for a week and watch how I do things then jump in once he gets the hang of it. I don't want him to come off as the bad guy.

I don't actually take care of my mom's animals besides making sure the dogs stay in the yard and her little inside dog gets put out a couple times. It's just the pet hair! Geez. I'm the type of person that has a hard time asking for help (it took a lot for me to post our problems) but I guess I can't play Supermama forever. I'm really working on asking for help or admitting I need it when they ask me) when things are a bit overwhelming. Slightly OT but I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Dh asked me out on a date. We haven't been out by ourselves in a long time, although I'll be bringing E along since I'm BFing, but he should just sleep the whole time anyway.

I'm actually really glad I was able to come here and vent and get good support. I really don't know what I would do without these boards. Thanks so much everyone.

[Tilia]

I am glad you are feeling better. Sometimes it just helps to vent, it lets you form a plan in your head. I hope things are working out! It sounds like you have a great family.