Need advice and a lot of support please! Xposted in toddlers

[DklovesMkandJK]

We are going on Wednesday to have J's cavities filled and a tooth pulled. They are going to sedate him. (with some liquid that will knock him out)

I am sick over all of this. He started with three small cavities around thanksgiving and after brushing 2x a day and stopping sugary things (not that he really got much to begin with) we are now at the point where they are concerned if the cavities don't get filled he'll need caps.

I am using xylitol stuff now but it isn't helping quickly enough to save the teeth with existing problems.

We went to the dentist last wednesday where they decided to not even try the gas b/c he got so worked up being on the papoose board. ( I ended up just as hysterical as he was) They were not fond of the idea of me holding him and after me getting as upset as I did, that is not even a posibility now.

He (okay, so am I) is still getting over the trauma of his hospital stay:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=811388

I believe what the dentist is telling us about his teeth. I know they do occasionally cause him pain and the very bad tooth is very obviously very bad. (there is also concern that if left untreated the tooth could develop a dangerous abcess)

But, I think they are going to have to sedate me too to get through it.

The only other option is general anesthisa (SP) That is my (unreasonable) first choice to spare him any more trauma, but we have no dental insurance and I would be very uneasy with it after all his breathing problems.

I just feel so stuck. I really believe having the tooth pulled and the others fixed is the best thing for him but I can't bear the thought of my poor baby going through any more suffering. Please tell me I am doing the right thing.

Also, which is worse? Having an equally hysterical mother sitting with him during the work or having a much clamer dad sitting with him and no mom?

(I am panicked about making this worse for him. Either by not being there to hold his hand or by getting so worked up I'll be edging him on even more.)

Of course there is always the chance that he'll be so sedated that it will be easy, but that is not usually the way it works for us.

Please help. I don't think I can do this again. Not after the hospital. Is he going to stop trusting me? trusting everyone?

Anyone?

[speairson]

I'm so sorry you and your son are having a rough time with this. I read your hospital thread, so understand how upset you must be. As difficult as it is, you NEED to remain calm in front of him about this. If he's already upset and sees you upset, that just compounds his anxiety. I know it's hard; my dd had to have her tonsils out last November and I was a wreck about it, but forced myself to be positive and upbeat about it with her even when the nurses had to take her from me and she got upset. I've also had to deal with my newly adopted son getting blood drawn and having them stick him multiple times trying to find a vein while he was screaming hysterically, and as awful as it was I had to stay calm for him. And had to deal with him screaming hysterically on one of those papose things at the dentist after he chipped a tooth. If you really don't think you can hold it together in there; I'd let dad go in and be with him and you can be there when it's over to comfort him. Even though he's so young, you can still prepare him for what's going to happen somewhat. Do roll playing with a doll or stuffed animal getting their teeth worked on.

And you're not undoing his trust in you. He may be upset and traumatized about the hospital stay, but kids are resilient and do bounce back. If the liquid doesn't knock him out, is there anything else they can do? Just remember to focus on the positive (that his teeth will feel better) instead of the negative.

[theatermom]

No advice, just support. We, too, are going through this with our 2 year old (10-21-2005). We just found out today that he will have to go to the hospital next week to have a lot of work done, under sedation.

I'm sick both about the work being done, and about the fact that his teeth are in such bad shape, despite the care that we give them. His oldest brother has had teeth problems, but they didn't manifest until he was over 5 yrs old, and my middle son has perfect teeth at age 4.

I'm looking into some of the nutritional information for healing on these boards, including bone broths.

[esteg0]

Just a FYI - typically if you want him to be treated under general anesthesia it is covered by the medical insurance, not dental. So, if you have medical insurance you can find out if the cover dental surgery. (It's a state law where I live, insurance companies are required to cover for children under 6) Also, if he is having breathing problems, general anesthesia may be the better idea. Make sure you let the dentist know the problems he has been having with the asthma/pneumonia/RSV. We actually tend to err on the side of caution with breathing problems and prefer to take kids to the OR over sedating in the office.

I would also highly recommend dad going with you on treatment day. As a pp said, it's really important to keep a level head in front of your child. Kids play off your emotions so if you are getting scared and nervous, he will think something must be wrong and then get scared and nervous himself.

Also something to think about, if you will allow fluoride, is to do some temporary fillings with a product called glass ionomer. This filling material releases fluoride which can help arrest the decay until you can get him in a better mental state about doctors. It's amazing what a couple fun visits can do to improve his outlook for future treatment appointments. I do these (glass ionomers) without taking any of the cavity out and it's amazing how long we can go before having to treat the tooth completely.

Finally, why not get a 2nd opinion about the severity of the decay?