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I HATE this  

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
So, I'm a doula and I've read everything I can get my hands on about birth, fertility, child development, breastfeeding, etc. . . Since Naiya died, no one will listen to a word I say on anything regarding children or childbirth or parenting; I just get a look. I hate it!!!! I have no credibility anymore in the subject I love to talk about and love to learn about and love to educate about. Yesterday, my DH had this happen to him too. He said he would get more of a reaction from people if he just said the opposite of what we really feel, like "Don't breastfeed, its stupid and a waste of time"--then maybe the person would look at it like, well, they don't do it so it must be okay:::::::
post #2 of 11
Wow. I dont' know your story, but it sounds like ppl think your advice is worthless b/c your ideas are to blame for your daughter's death? Wow. I can see why you are really upset by that. I'm really sorry you have that hurt on top of the grief you already have to bear. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I clicked on Naiya's link...she looks so beautful.
post #3 of 11
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine dealing with people like that in the face of such immense grief.
post #4 of 11
That's awful, I'm so sorry. People can be so mean...and ignorant.
post #5 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by pacificbliss View Post
People can be so mean...and ignorant.
: I'm so sorry.
post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlec View Post
Wow. I dont' know your story, but it sounds like ppl think your advice is worthless b/c your ideas are to blame for your daughter's death? Wow. I can see why you are really upset by that. I'm really sorry you have that hurt on top of the grief you already have to bear. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I clicked on Naiya's link...she looks so beautful.
I lived on a military base in Japan when I was pg. I had a homebirth (on base--totally not done normally, DH almost lost his job because of this even though there were no written rules about this) with a Japanese certified midwife. Base mentality is to have a hospital birth, lots of drugs, maybe even a c-sec for no reason, no bfing, circing, vaccinating, cio, spanking, etc. . . I do not fit this mold. Naiya passed mec and it was too much. She was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with severe mec aspiration syndrome, brain damage, muscular damage, etc. . .she died 22 hours after birth. The only people who knew what happened to her were the ambulance crew and one of the base doctors; however the next day the entire base "knew" that I had a homebirth with no attendee and because of this homebirth my baby died. Now, like I said, I have no credibility when it comes to birth, raising children, etc. . . Also, whenever I go to the base docs, they have to chat about me for a while before they will see me (last time I went, I heard one doc tell the front desk person my "story" while I was sitting in the waiting room)--UGH!! We have now moved off base, we avoid the clinic choosing to see Japanese docs instead, and avoid base as much as we can (well, except DH works on the base everyday).
post #7 of 11
Yeah, I would probably just avoid them altogether. Doctors talking about you with someone else while you are right there, sheesh! That is so insensitive and goes against everything.

Just don't offer any advice to anyone. You said you get "the look". If it is that same full of pity look that I get, then I hate it. My Mom gives me that look when she thinks I'm not looking. :

And to add to the PP I think Naiya is beautiful too. I've seen her picture before but it can't hurt to say again, right? All my love to you and your family.
post #8 of 11
Good Lord, how awful.

I really have no words.

Peace momma, may you feel the warm hugs I wish I could give you.
post #9 of 11
I am so sorry.
post #10 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by treemom2 View Post
The only people who knew what happened to her were the ambulance crew and one of the base doctors; however the next day the entire base "knew" that I had a homebirth with no attendee and because of this homebirth my baby died.

Also, whenever I go to the base docs, they have to chat about me for a while before they will see me (last time I went, I heard one doc tell the front desk person my "story" while I was sitting in the waiting room)--UGH!!
This is as clear of a HIPAA violation as I've ever seen. If you're up for it, you could pursue it. They're not allowed to talk about you like that. If you heard it in the waiting room, so did everyone else.

I'm soo sorry Momma.
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendyjoe View Post
This is as clear of a HIPAA violation as I've ever seen. If you're up for it, you could pursue it. They're not allowed to talk about you like that. If you heard it in the waiting room, so did everyone else.

I'm soo sorry Momma.
I agree, this was awful! However, since DH almost lost his job because of the situation (well, not his job; but our access to base. . .which he works at, so basically his job); we've decided just to keep our heads in the sand about all the lack of confidentiality and HIPAA stuff! Sometimes I would like to move to another place, but our children are so happy here and we are so happy here! When Naiya died, my Japanese friends got together and planned everything and paid for everything. They walked me through everything, they were wonderful and I am just not ready to leave them yet
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