Should she know her letters?

[sea island mama]

I know she just turned three, but she doesn't seem to have any interest in learning them. She has known the alphabet song for about 18 months now & she knows what some of them stand for, but not their names. Show her an M & she says, "that's for Mommy", but not "M is for Mommy".
I picked up some flashcards today, but she just wants to look at the picture on the back, not the letter. I guess I'm wondering because she has a two y.o. friend who seems to know them all.
I'm certainly not worried yet - just wondering what other 3 y.o. are like.

[kama'aina mama]

I am in the exact same place. My DD just turned three. She can count to 10 reliably and then gets creative with flashes of accuracy. She knows the alphabet song and sometimes knows some letters and other times...

Her 2 year old cousin can count to 20 and knows his letters. I had a bad spell about that and then shook it off. Your child is doing just fine and so is mine!

[Mommiska]

I think that children knowing their letters is often more about parents than the children (although I know some children want to read at 2!).

We've never pushed letters at all....just waited for dd1 to show an interest. She'll be 4 in another 2 months, and she knows (I'd guess) about 3/4 of her letters, along with the sounds they make. She's just started to show a real interest in learning them, so we're going with that.

When she had just turned 3, she knew the letters (and sounds) that meant something to her...the letters that starts her name, her sisters's name, the dog's name, M for Mommy, D for Daddy, that kind of thing.

No rush!

[EFmom]

We have a foam puzzle with the alphabet which my kids liked to play with. They learned their letters very easily by the time they were three by playing with the puzzle.

[Dragon]

My daughter just turned three and she doesn't know her letters either. It's hard not to compare her to other kids who have learned to identify letters at a younger age. However, my daughter loves to be read to, she has memorized many of her favourite stories, and I've always joked that she would learn to read before she learned the alphabet. She's not much of a details kid - more of a "big picture" person. And sure enough, she's starting to recognize words without being able to say what letters make up those words. :

She didn't learn to count for the longest time, and then she learned 1-14 all at once and stopped there. I assume she'll be the same with the alphabet - wait until she's ready, then learn it all at once and never look back :

[teachma]

I'm a primary teacher, and I am totally with Carolyn on this one! Like everything else, the children will learn skills as they are ready. Think about potty learning. How many moms try to get their 18 month olds to use the potty with little success, and then one day, when the child is 3, it happens over night? It's all developmental. My son just turned 3 last week. He has been singing the ABCs since he was 12 months old- because it was the only children's song my dh knew to sing him, and he sang it from the day my ds was born!! My mom, also a primary teacher, has tried some letter work with ds, who just balks at the idea of any direct instruction. My mom was worried that ds seemed not to be picking up any of it until the other day. We were playing with a calculator, and ds said to me, "Hey, why is there a small M on the screen?" I bursted out laughing because just the day before, my mom had drawn an M and asked him which letter it was! So...sometimes they know more than they let on, too!! Keep exposing her, as long as she enjoys it, and when she's ready, she will fly with it. Oh- and in kindergarten, her teacher will do a lot with the letters and will most likely not expect her to know them all until the end of the year.

[sea island mama]

Thanks for confirming what I thought. She just isn't interested in the direct instruction yet. She does have a LeapPad & is learning something from that, even if right now it's just, "uh, uh, umbrella"! She does love to be read to & recently has started reading her books to her friends & dolls. She does know a lot of them by heart & will often correct us if we say the wrong word when reading to her : .

She also has a great vocabulary. A mother at the park today with an almost-three y.o. thought she was four by the way she was speaking & she used "comfortable" & "difficult" in context, so I guess she's doing ok .

[EFmom]

Somewhat OT: In my dds kindergarten (public school) the children were expected to be reading by the end of the year, and figuring out how to write entire words and phrases by "sound spelling." While they did review the alphabet week by week, the assumption was that they all knew the alphabet by the beginning of K. I think it would be harder for a child coming in who did not know their alphabet to keep up.

Not that you need to feel any urgency at age 3. I agree, kids will all of the sudden develop interest in letters and numbers and will learn them almost on their own

[bestjob]

I think you should relax. Can you think of any circumstance except for school in which a 3 yo would be expected to know her letters? She will learn them, and many other wonderful things in the years ahead. Let her take the lead, and let her find out about what the world has to offer. I wish everyone could meet my friend who was considered learning disabled when he was young. He is the only person I know who has a personal relationship with Shakespeare's texts. Of course, there is also our friend who didn't learn to read until he was 8 years old. He has a PhD in Physics now and supports a family of 5 on his income from an engineering company. Life is about learning, not just about being an early reader.

[glad2bhome]

I just have one suggestion: do NOT push this one!! Your child will learn those letters and numbers when he/she is ready. Truly! Three is too young; four is more like it, and gradually, at that. Don't worry, just let her play and enjoy. I have said nothing and my daughter (turned 4 in January) is teaching HERSELF letters because she wants to. She may ask me to show her a letter or ask me what letter "ball" starts with, for example. I show her and she's gradually accumulating letters but it's fun and it's because I'm following her natural progression and interest. (Personally, I think it's ridiculous to expect a kindergartner to read and I could provide a whole ton of expert advice to back myself up, but I won't. ) They'll be in school for a long time--let 'em play, now!

~Melissa

[mamacrab]

My dd is 5 years, 8 months- she knows *most* of the alphabet, but still mixes up 3 or 4 of the letters.

I am not worried about her at all! She is starting kindergarten next week. I know plenty of kids who knew all their letters at age 2 and plenty who are still learning them at 5. There is no need to rush it!

[merpk]

Relax. She's doing just fine ...

I have a distant relative who had a baby a year or so after my first, and when her baby was 2 she insisted that he knew the alphabet because when they read this particular alphabet book, he knew all the letters. Well, any other book or any other place where he might see letters ... he had no clue.

So. Did he know the alphabet? No, he knew that book.

Don't compare your DD to other children, or even other parents' descriptions of their children.

Kids go at their own levels ... and parents are at their own, too ... :LOL :

[PM]

My dd is 3 years, 4 months and has no clue at all about letters.
And she usually counts like this: 1,2,3, 9.

BUT she can do that in three languages; she has a memory of absolute hard steel; and she is extremely artistic.

[rrr]

go to the library and ask for back issues of the magazine, GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING. it is no longer published but still the best homeschooling magazine and very popular. they may have it bound as a book.

there are lots of discussions and testimonials of this topic.

also, call the waldorf school and ask them to send you the paper called waldorf kindergarten. i found this to be a very simple explanation of developmental stages and teaching reading and numbers. worth the effort to get it. may find it on line.

basically, the more large motor stuff now, the better in school later. the more fine motor, pre reading and pre math stuff now, the more school burn out later.

i am very glad to be homeschooling and fully expect my daughter to be agreat reader by the end of the 3rd grade, but for now, i will read a loud to her and be relaxed. they do it on their own.
(she's 7 and just starting to read. no program)

leave the poor baby alone! go to the park, swim, dance, run and play!

rrr

[paula_bear]

Originally posted by EFmom
We have a foam puzzle with the alphabet which my kids liked to play with. They learned their letters very easily by the time they were three by playing with the puzzle.

My 3.5 y/o dd has never expressed interest in learning her letters, despite singing the alphabet song since about 18 months of age. I bought her the foam puzzle alphabet thingy, hoping this would spark an interest. She takes all the letters out and uses them in creative ways, such as making soup. Still no interest. I bought her a Leap Frog alphabet toy/game, but the only thing that interests her is the music!

All this said, I've never pushed nor worried about her learning. I know she'll pick it up when she's ready (and did I mention willing?) But it's funny how children differ and also how our society pushes acedemic learning...but that's one of my pet peeves and I'll leave it out of this discussion!

[BusyMommy]

Hi, just a second here, but no.

As long as you share books and stories, it makes no diff.. Some kids know them entering Kinder and some don't. The kids who have a rich family experience and who understand stories have the advantage over rote memorizers. Too abstract a concept for MOST kids.

Sounds are much more important than names anyways. My 2 y.o. knows all his sounds through zoophonics but we do that just for fun.

[BusyMommy]

basically, the more large motor stuff now, the better in school later. the more fine motor, pre reading and pre math stuff now, the more school burn out later.

OMG I totally agree w/this!! I just wish more parents and preschools understood this.
I teach K and give me an active, imaginative kid w/a supportive family anyday.

[paula_bear]

Thanks, BusyMommy, for validating my mother's intuition. DD is unbelievably creative and I try my best to support her endeavors by providing basic tools (although she whips up games out of just about anything she finds lying about the house) and giving her lots of freedom. Today we had a 1 hour orientation for pre-K and she insisted on wearing her ballerina costume over her clothes. I didn't try to dissuade her (an exercise in futility, believe me) but I did mention that she might be the only child in dress-up clothes. She had it in her head that they were having a costume party and who was I to convince her otherwise? Anyway, she showed up in costume and didn't seem disappointed that no one else did! I let her wear costumes just about anywhere she wants. I try to let her define herself. I feel that is really much more important than rote (sp?) learning. We also tell stories at night before bedtime. Sometimes we read, but usually we tell stories. At 3.5 she can tell her own story, which I think is great. (P.S. If she can write it all down by the time she's 10, I'll be happy...)

[teachma]

paula, my 3 year old and I tell stories together all the time, too. I totally agree that the understanding of the components of a story (beginning, middle, end, problem/solution) is much more valuable at this age than identifying a capital V.

[paula_bear]

Education is the one area where my mothering instinct hot buttons seem to constantly be pushed by the society in which I live. At times I find it very hard to follow my heart, or at least to "justify" my actions (or lack of them) to some of my peers. Book learning and being "intelligent" seem to be among the most valued traits in my socio-economic class (smack in the middle, I suppose.) While I value intelligence in my children and the world at large, I also recognize and celebrate that intelligence takes a myriad of forms and no one is lacking in it! Even my uncle, who has an IQ of about 75 and cannot read, write, or spell - he possesses his own intelligence and this has value.

I think I gave my kids a good neurological / developmental start by BF and lots of face-to-face interaction and chatting from the newborn stage. I just believe that they have so many years ahead of them to compile facts and gather info in an "intellectual" way and they only experience the magic of childhood this once! Besides, I think I re-live my own childhood vicariously through them by watching and participating in their amazingly creative play.

I'm totally ok with letting them set their own pace, but I feel frustrated that our society doesn't seem to respect that, KWIM? And also that other attributes are not assigned the weight that "intelligence" is...