Constant nagging

[sea island mama]

Lately it just seems like I'm constanly nagging or even yelling at dd & she just doesn't listen. I hate being like this, but it's often a safety or hygiene issue.

Some examples:
don't hang from the curtains
don't lean on the back of the recliner (& flip it over on your head again)
don't jump on the bed when the baby is there
don't put that around your neck
don't put the hockey stick in the ceiling fan
put your shoes/clothes on to go out
let me brush your hair/teeth or wash your hands/face
don't wave head around/bend backwards/jump around while eating
etc, etc...

Then there's the constantly changing her mind. I ask her how she wants something, then do it that way & she flips out that she wanted it the other way or she wanted to do it herself.

I find myself asking/telling her to do something so many times that I end up yelling to get her attention. Then she cries because I yelled at her & I feel really bad .
I'm sure a lot of it is because of the baby & I can't pay as much attention to her or I am always rushing because he is crying while I'm trying to do something for her. I am also getting frustrated because she hasn't napped for a few days & has been getting very tired in the afternoons which makes it worse.

Some days I just feel like I can't win...if I pay attention to her ds gets upset & if I pay attention to him, dd gets into trouble. It's better if we can get out of the house, but it's always an ordeal to get her ready. If I say get dressed or we don't go, she says ok .

What can I do???

[Imonion2]

Helen, you have my sympathy because my son (born 4/8/00) is doing the same thing to me all day long. It was horrible about 3 weeks ago,when I was still feeling sick from being pregnant. I honestly wanted to scream at the top of my lungs every single day.

You know, it took my son telling my husband, "Mommy's always mad at me" to realize I needed to pay better attention to the way I was speaking to him. My fatigue and impatience had taken a toll on both of us during the day.

I try very hard now to modify the way I nag, LOL.

"Don't jump on the furniture" turned into "Remember, we decided jumping on the furniture could make you get hurt. Please sit on the floor now."

When it comes to getting dressed, if I can get him involved in choosing between shirts and whether he wants Spider man or Scooby Doo underwear, it helps. Giving him choices helps a LOT.

Of course, for serious infractions when he is too wound up and doesn't want to pay attention, I ask him to give me his eyes, so I know he's giving me 100% when I talk to him. If he still resists, we have to have a time out on his bed.

Good luck, I know it's difficult.

edited to add:

He changes his mind constantly!! I think it's just a "thing" that 3 year olds do.

[mamaduck]

I'm really enjoying the fact that my 3 yo is my youngest! It was harder when my oldest was 3 and I had a babe in arms.

With my youngest, I can physically guide him through all these issues and it makes a *huge* difference. As opposed to just verbally directing him, I pick him up, set him on the floor and remind him that the couch is not for jumping on.

But I remember that it was harder to do that, and I really *needed* my oldest to be a better listener when my hands were not free to "help" him listen to me. It was much more exasperating when I couldn't give these issues my full attention.

So I do understand how frustrating it is, but at the same time I think I'm realizing how unintentional all these annoying little things they do are. I think it is a lot to expect a 3 yo to obey every rule and listen and respond immediately to every command. They still need lots of mama-energy and creativity to guide them and keep things positive, and they still need room to make mistakes and "forget," and lots of time to make leisurely decisions about things like what to wear. I think it is easier to see this when the 3 y.o. is still "the baby."

Too bad we mamas don't always have enough energy and creativity at our disposals, huh? 3 is a really hard age, and it sounds like you are doing a fine job. It will get easier.