Brother's fiance said breastfeeding inappropriate - Page 8

[elanorh]

Originally Posted by cognito

It is not a right to be in someone else's home. It is a privilege. The laws also generally apply to public places, not private residences. You have the right to be in public places.

And most stores and restaurants are privately owned. Slippery slope argument you're making --- lawyers can and have made similar defenses for civil rights violations being 'legal' in a privately owned establishment.

The bottom line:
a. Breastfeeding is recommended for a *minimum* of the first year of an infant's life, due to the risk factors that NOT breastfeeding introduces for both mothers and their infants.

2. Every major medical or health organization has issued some sort of statement to the above effect (and some have a *minimum* of two years, not one).

3. If a mother (whether she's known to be nursing or not) is invited into one's home, one should expect that said mother will need to feed her child while she's there. If you know she nurses, you should realize she may need to nurse her child while there. If you don't want that, don't invite her. Period.

4. Once she's there, to tell her she can't nurse is rude and ill-informed. The mother usually explains the reasons that bf is right for her/child, and in fact ALL infants. For a host(ess) to refuse is similar to a host(ess) refusing to allow a diabetic to check their blood insulin; or refusing to allow a 4 year old to use the bathroom.

5. Even the "Miss Manners" type books note that an infant under the age of 1 should be considered the same as the mother in terms of invitations to events etc.

The persons being rude are the host(esses) who are trying to forbid a mother from feeding her child. OR who expect the mother to go to great lengths to 'hide' a perfectly normal, healthy, and desirable situation (desirable as in "medically recommended"

To clarify for those who disagree -- I sincerely doubt that any of the posters who are arguing that mothers should be able to nurse anywhere they or their babies have a right to be, are arguing that to do so, one must remove all their clothing and do a lap dance on the hostess' lap. These situations usually go down with the bf mother trying desperately to explain her position and mend fences politely while holding her ground. While being told that she is disgusting, reprehensible, and possibly permanently damaging her child while offending everyone on the planet.

[gentleearthmama]

The OP's SIL may in fact have a "legal" right to her "private property rights", whatever that means, but it was still rude and disprespectful for her to invite a nursing pair and expect them to follow HER guidelines about breastfeeding. JMHO.
How would you feel if YOU (generic) were nursing at someone's house and was asked to cover more than is comfortable for you? I mean really, cover the whole BABY! Seriously! It implies that there is something shameful to be hidden about breastfeeding and THAT thought is the thought that is the real issue here. Its not about PROPERTY RIGHTS! Its about her SIL passing judgement on the OP and then pushing her beliefs about breastfeeding onto the nursing mother. Who cares if they were in her house or the park! The SIL put her own uncomfortable feelings about breastfeeding in front of the feelings of the nursing mother and her child who were so plainly doing something NORMAL! FEEDING A BABY! Whether or not she has the right to ask her to cover up in her own house is BESIDE THE POINT!
I, too can't believe this is being debated to this extent.
The OP came here for support because she was mistreated by another human being, her feelings were hurt, and she needed to vent. I am willing to bet she didn't start this thread to spark the debate we have now. I have been following this thread since the beginning and I just want to cry. Why is breastfeeding seen as such a shameful thing we would be asked to COVER UP the fact that we are feeding our children the way nature intended! It is EASIER for the person feeling uncomfortable to look away or pick up their knitting and distract themselves than it is to pick on a new nursing mom who is already probably sleep deprived, emotional, and already GIVING so much of herself to the baby! Motherhood is a SACRED thing, and I am willing to defend it to make sure it stays that way.

[almadianna]

Originally Posted by gentleearthmama

The OP's SIL may in fact have a "legal" right to her "private property rights", whatever that means, but it was still rude and disprespectful for her to invite a nursing pair and expect them to follow HER guidelines about breastfeeding. JMHO.
How would you feel if YOU (generic) were nursing at someone's house and was asked to cover more than is comfortable for you? I mean really, cover the whole BABY! Seriously! It implies that there is something shameful to be hidden about breastfeeding and THAT thought is the thought that is the real issue here. Its not about PROPERTY RIGHTS! Its about her SIL passing judgement on the OP and then pushing her beliefs about breastfeeding onto the nursing mother. Who cares if they were in her house or the park! The SIL put her own uncomfortable feelings about breastfeeding in front of the feelings of the nursing mother and her child who were so plainly doing something NORMAL! FEEDING A BABY! Whether or not she has the right to ask her to cover up in her own house is BESIDE THE POINT!
I, too can't believe this is being debated to this extent.
The OP came here for support because she was mistreated by another human being, her feelings were hurt, and she needed to vent. I am willing to bet she didn't start this thread to spark the debate we have now. I have been following this thread since the beginning and I just want to cry. Why is breastfeeding seen as such a shameful thing we would be asked to COVER UP the fact that we are feeding our children the way nature intended! It is EASIER for the person feeling uncomfortable to look away or pick up their knitting and distract themselves than it is to pick on a new nursing mom who is already probably sleep deprived, emotional, and already GIVING so much of herself to the baby! Motherhood is a SACRED thing, and I am willing to defend it to make sure it stays that way.

apparently motherhood and feeding a baby is only sacred when it isnt impeding on someone else's rights or someone else home...

[sapphire_chan]

Um, who on earth is arguing that the brother and SIL were anything other than boorish louts with manners that would be deemed crass by ravening sharks?

I thought the issue here was whether the OP was right to leave instead of fighting them. It looks like a debate between the two ideas:
1. Feeding a baby is a right and it is vital that it is recognized as normal and appropriate in all situations and therefore you must not back down and leave when someone says not to nurse in their home.

2. Feeding a baby is a right and it is vital that is recognized as normal and appropriate in all situations, but people who are obsessive about it being done in their home aren't rational enough to be educated and you should leave them to their petty paranoia and not go back until they show signs of having a brain.

No one is defending the UA violations who made the OP leave. We're defending her choice to leave.

[gentleearthmama]

I'm sorry, maybe I should reread this thread. (but its long and I am not going to!) Maybe I am reading too much between the lines.
I thought the OP's sister in law asked her to cover the whole baby, not that she asked her to leave. I thought it was the OP's choice to leave. I probably would have done the same thing, not because I respected her "property rights" but because I would have felt so hurt and bewildered that a future family member was treating me so unfairly. In fact, I probably would have tried to have a reasonable conversation with her about bf-ing first, then left crying with the baby still latched on the my breast if she wouldn't hear me out. I guess my point was that this story of an interaction between two human beings involving fear, anger, frustration, misunderstandings and hurt feelings has turned into a legal debate.
Whether or not she had the "right" to stay and continue nursing has more to do with the OP's comfort level than anything else. I personally would feel upset because the peaceful, nurturing environment I need to nurse in had been disrupted by the hostess herself and wouldn't WANT to subject my family to any more of her negative energy. BUT, if I was feeling super strong and fiery and had chose to stay and feed my baby anyways, that would be my choice and if she asked me to leave, fine, I would, as soon as the baby was done nursing. IF she took me to court for violating her private personal property rights (okay, again, reading between the lines again since this is now a legal debate) I don't know what the outcome would be. I sure hope if any of you all were on the jury, you'd see that the right of the child needing to eat and the right of the mother to dress and feed as she wishes as more important than the fact that the situation occured at the SIL's house.
Okay, flame away!

[annettemarie]

Temporarily closed pending review