preschool before kindergarden?

[iluvbnamomma]

Hi. My son will be four next August and I need to decide now whether to send him to preschool two days a week.
He tried out a few weeks last August and hated it. Since he was only three i decided to pull him and keep him home another year.
He has been home with me everyday since he was born and has only been cared for by friends and family for 3-4 hours at the most. He is VERY attached and has a difficult time every time i try to leave him with anyone.
Anyway, here is my question. I have been wondering if it is going to be easier on him when he turns five to enter K if he has a bit of Preschool experience. Do you think preschool helps children prepare for K readiness or is it just time and age?
It is hard to imagine what he will be like at age five and how he will cope and i just want to help him now if i can. Or maybe keeping him home and not sending him away when he is not ready will help him gain the confidence needed for K?? hmmm?
By the way, when i ask him if he wants to go to school again he says very clearly "no"
So please help me decide what is best for him.
Have your VERY attached children entered full-time K without Preschool and coped better than expected?

Thanks for your help!

[cutic]

Hi,

I have a very attached dd who will turn 4 in 3 weeks. She practically never stayed with somebody else than me. We tried preschool when she was 3.5 and I pulled her out even before she started LOL. She clearly didn't want to be away from me though she is a very easy going, extroverted, people loving girl. Since she knows what preschool is, if I ask her whether she would like to go to one, she always says NO. I trust her. Instead, I was able to organize a sort of co-op preschool for her and some extra activities to keep her busy but with me. She is now ready to enjoy a gymnastics class (I am there with her but am sitting by the wall and not interfering) and play with children that she meets for the very first time.
I guess, what I am trying to say, give him time and he will most likely be ready to seperate from you when older.

Also, I remember I was with my mom until I turned 6 and then went to school and had no problems.

[ewe+lamb]

We were in the same situation with my dd, slightly different system because we are in France, but I'll explain what we decided to do.

DD did not go to pre-school (age 3) I took her to mum and toddler groups so that she would have interaction with other kids, in fact we were there earlier but I decided to continue with them, she simply wasn't ready at 3 to go to a school like structure - I know it would have been a disaster, but then at 3.5 I took her to a play group where I left her for 2-4 hours twice a week but only when she wanted, then moved on to more days when SHE was ready, this place had 5 adults to 10 children so it was a far more 'protected' structure than school. Then she entered into pre-school or ecole maternelle when she was 4, there wasn't a cross word and she was really ready to go, it was so much simpler than having a child crying that she didn't want to go to nursery school at the age of 3, which I see every day. Now at 5.5 she loves going and although we have other problems with the school (or the children in it) she LOVES her school and the little works she has to do whilst there.

I really hope it works out for you and that your dc enjoys that which you choose for him.

[pigpokey]

I started full day kindergarten in 1975 right after turning five, only child, no preschool separation, long bus ride to and from. I do not recall problems.

In my state kindergarten is not the last "entry level" grade, so even people who do not intend to homeschool can enroll directly into 1st grade for the year they are 6 on Sept 1. Is there something pushing you toward putting him into school at the Kindy year?

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by iluvbnamomma

Have your VERY attached children entered full-time K without Preschool and coped better than expected?

Yes.

They were not ready before kindergarten. When kindergarten came, they loved it.

Listen to your gut.

[kylesmama]

I could have posted the same question!! I always wonder if there is such thing as being too attached b/c my 3.5 yo ds will not do anything without me either except stay w family & good friends as well. I know it's hard on us Mamas though. We tried gymnastics with a teacher with me right there & that did not even go over well. Everyone's trying to get me to put him in ski school but I know that would not work either. I just hope that he will be ready to leave my side at some point. But I feel since I don't have to (for work, etc.) I won't push it. I trust that he will know what is best for him. He most likely won't want me around in 10 years so I must try to enjoy this for now!

[BiscuitBaby]

Not sure if this is something you are interested in, but a lot of people do preschool co-ops at home. Then he would be around other children and get the fun of preschool. It is all stuff you can do at home anyway.

My DD went to preschool b/c it was on the same campus where I went to college. Then we moved and she can't start Kindergarten until she is almost 6.

In the end, I think they will be fine without pre-school as long as you are doing activites with them at home. You can always enroll him and see how it goes. If he is not ready, wait until K.

[annethcz]

I have spoken with kindergarden teachers who say that maturity is more important that preschool experience. Kids who don't attend preschool will have to play 'catch-up' for the first week or two of kindergarden- learning how to form lines, raise their hand, that sort of thing. But after that first week or two, there isn't much of a difference between kids who attended preschool and those who didn't.

[Alyantavid]

I do think preschool helps prepare most kids for kindergarten. But our situation was a little different in that I wohm and my son had been in daycare full time for awhile before starting preschool there. So it wasn't much of a transition for him.

I think at 4, you can probably explain to him what's going on. Maybe see if he wants to try going to preschool and see if he likes it. He obviously doesn't want to go if all he remembers is a bad experience. If it were me, I'd try it. If doesn't do well with the seperation, take him out. I don't think preschool is that huge of a factor in how they do in kindergarten, but I do think some kids need it. Mine was one that needed it.

[jomomma]

If you are looking for him to get some interaction with his peers in a more structured or "school-ish" setting, there are plenty of things you can do with him. My dd was very attached (as was I - I wasn't any more ready than she was to be apart). Anyway, we started attending storytime at a local bookstore, then moved up to an art class (45 minutes with me; 45 minutes creating surprise masterpieces sans caretakers -- although if a child is suffering separation woes, then parents, etc. may stay on); then we moved up to an hour dance class --- I'm just outside the classroom, literally feet away, but not right there with her; then a 1 hour drama class completely sans mommy. We also took a yoga class together and now she attends tumbling, too. They were small, incremental baby steps, but they were activities she loved. With the art class, she was too excited and engaged to even notice I was gone, plus was thrilled to surprise me with her artistic endeavors. She loves going to school now, even if I'm still not ready (I miss my sidekick).
By the way, we didn't do all of these things at one time (I'm not crazy!) - basically one or maybe two things a season.

[LynnS6]

Developmental readiness should be the thing that you are relying on. And if it helps, we saw HUGE changes in ability to be separated from us between 4 and 5, and again between 5 and 6. Kids don't learn to separate if they are feeling completely insecure about the separation. They learn to separate by being secure.

If you're planning on sending him to kindergarten, I would look for activities that you can do together, and then maybe ease him into brief separations. For example, with our dd, we took a gymnastics class for 2-3 year olds that was parent participation - so all the parents were right there. Now at 3 1/2, she's enrolled in a class that is for kids without their parents. That's only 1/2 hr, and I'll be waiting down the hall. That might be the kind of thing you could try in the summer or the fall. Maybe a mom's day out kind of group where you leave him for an hour or two if he's comfortable.

(Disclaimer here: Dd is very independent and has been in daycare 3x a week since she was 16 months. She was probably ready for a non-parent participation class at 2 1/2. Ds did not do as well with this kind of transition from parent-participation to no parent participation at 3 1/2. He was 4 1/2 before he was ready.)

[iluvbnamomma]

Thanks to everyone for your input. I feel like it is hard to say how my son will react to preschool in the fall, but i am hoping for the best. I signed him up for two half days a week and figure that if he does not adjust well i can pull him out and wait until Kindergarten to start again.
He has a sibling coming in August so i figure i will probably need a break anyway.
Thanks again. I really appreciate all the wisdom shared in this thread.

[afishwithabike]

I'd try it and see. If it doesn't seem right then make the changes necessary to support your child. I am not pressing the issue with our soon to be four year old. She's told me she wants to go to school but I've told her that she can have school at home. Tonight while I was reading to them She asked me if I was her teacher and I told her yes. I'll asses it when the time comes. I think that's always the best approach. Plus have you asked your child? What has he said?