older siblings "babysitting" younger siblings ... long - Page 2

[LookMommy!]

DD14 has only been old enough to babysit since DD7 and DS 11 were fairly self-sufficient. So my rules are: 1) she is allowed to say no if she has other plans and 2) I make it worthwhile for everyone to babysit/put up with big sis by ordering pizza, renting a video, or some other treat that costs me less than a babysitter but makes the event fun for everyone. That's what my mom did for us, since we were so close in age, but I was more responsible than my older brother. I also realize that when DD14 is in charge, the house will not be as clean, and the little one is not likely to go to bed on time, so I keep that it mind.

Also, if it is during the day for a short time, I put on a video for dd7, and tell dd14 she just needs to rescue her in case of emergency or whatever, and let life go on as usual without me (and no one gets paid).

Also, dd7 will be expected to babysit for dd14's kids one day for free!

[Shanti_Mom]

Our oldest is 12.5 years and she is a great babysitter! Not only does she babysit for me when I need to run errands, but she also babysits for DH and I on date nights. We don't pay her for when I'm out running errands, but will periodically pay her for our date nights. She doesn't expect to be paid, so when we do its like a bonus for her! Most of the time the kids are alright with being left with her when I need to run errands or do grocery shopping. Sometimes they want to go and I still say no (other times I say yes)....because lets face it....being a homeschool mom I'm with them 24/7 and if running errands for a couple hours a week by myself keeps me sane, then so be it!!

Babysitting has helped her become a very responsible young lady. Not only is she great with the other girls, but she knows how to take charge and get things done. Many times when I'm running errands, I'll leave a little list of housework for them to do while I'm out. That way, we can all relax and play later. ETA: DD understands (and I think my 8 yr old does, too) that its more efficient for them to finish up some housework while I'm out grocery shopping, rather than having to make an extra effort later.

Having said that, this DD is starting to get other babysitting jobs with our friends and neighbors that she gets paid pretty decent money on. I've NEVER prevented her from babysitting for them so she could stay home and babysit for us. In fact, I told DH that we probably need to shift our date nights around to another night so that her weekend nights will be free for having fun with her friends or other babysitting jobs.

[mamaMAMAma]

:
DD#1 is only 7 so I'm no where near leaving the two girls at home by themselves. I'm curious how old your old dd/ds were when they started babysitting their younger sibblings. I've left the girls at home in the morning when I'm finishing up my run (dh is usually home with them, but sometimes he has to leave for work earlier and I have 2-3 miles left for my run). I run by the house every mile (<10min) and they know to wait in the front yard for me if they need me (we have a gate in the front yard).

[dharmamama]

My oldest is 13 and I don't leave her alone to babysit the youngest, for two reasons: She has not demonstrated good judgment (in fact, she is not allowed to stay home alone at all for this reason) and she and her little brother have a conflictual relationship. So I think it depends more on who your kids are than their ages.

We have, once before, left oldest dd and her extremely responsible older friend home with the little kids after the little kids were in bed for the night. We paid them with pizza, soda, and a movie (their requested form of payment). It was a win-win situation: dh and I got time out together, and dd and her friend got a fun evening.

dm

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by mamaMAMAma

:
I'm curious how old your old dd/ds were when they started babysitting their younger sibblings.

My oldest started staying home alone when he was about 9 or 10. When he was 11 he was babysitting his brother, who was 2 at the time. I have another child who, at 13, doesn't babysit at all because she has no interest in doing so.

[meowee]

My HSed son (age 10) "babysits" the 2 year old 2 times a day for about 20 minutes each while I bring and then get their siblings at the school around the corner. I put babysit in quotes because usually she's asleep in her crib. I don't compensate him for this because he really doesn't have to do anything except stay awake.

My 8 y.o. will babysit the 2 y.o. while I'm in the house and I do pay her a very small amount. I offered $2.50 per evening (about 2 hours) but she only wants $1.00 for those 2 hours. I could never afford a full price babysitter and she is fine with that small amount, but I never leave the house while she's babysitting. It's more so I can have a break to take a bath/ use the computer/ unwind.

I try to be careful with this because I have read some horror stories of people who resent having to babysit/ raise their younger siblings. I know one man who was homeschooled in a large religious family, and by the time he was a teen they had him changing diapers and pretty much raising the younger ones. I think a couple hours of compensated babysitting is ok, but expecting the older child to take over parenting responsibilities (sort of like the Duggers do, which is the one thing I really dislike about their family style) is wrong, IMO.

For the OP: I would not leave a 13 y.o. with your other kids alone for more than 2 hours. Personally, I would not travel an hour from home during that time... maybe you have no choice if you live in a rural area, but I don't like to be more than 15 minutes from home if my oldest is home alone. I never leave him alone with the others, other than to go to the school on the corner, but I have sometimes left him alone while I am out with the other kids, but never for more than an hour.

On the other hand. I have neighbors who leave their 8 y.o. DD in the care of their 14 y.o. DS for the entire workday... so maybe I am too conservative.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by mangopassion

I don't think it's weird at all. I think that it is only appropriate that your daughter get paid for babysitting her younger siblings.

I agree. Plus it's a good way to show her how much you respect and appreciate what she is doing, not that you can't do that without paying her, but it always feel good to get paid for a job well done.

meowee - I see what you are saying about being careful about leaving children home for that long. I agree regarding my "own" children, however, not all children are the same. I know for a fact I couldn't leave my 12 yr old home alone for more than about 30 minutes with his younger siblings. He is of the personality type that they can run all over him and wouldn't listen to him for very long. I could run up the road real quick but not more than 30 minutes. But that's my children. All kids are different though.

[saimeiyu]

I was the 2nd oldest of 12. I suppose in some capacities, you could say that I was a "surrogate parent", but actually, I think most of it was while mom and dad were home. If mom was just getting home from work, she'd usually be feeding the baby, and dad was usually getting dinner ready, so if the 2nd youngest needed a diaper change, one of us older ones used to do it. Or we would each have one thing to cook for supper, i.e. dad would do the meat, then tell me to make the noodles, my older sister would do the veggies, etc.
so really the only thing that changed when mom & dad went out was that they said, "watch the kids, don't let them set the house on fire." and we'd split making dinner among ourselves and suchlike.

We didn't have set bedtimes, so when the little kids got tired, they asked us to help them with a bath (which we would probably have done anyhow) and we'd help them with that and then they'd go to bed on their own, except for the youngest ones who usually fell asleep on us in the living room.

Usually, mom and dad would bring some tasty leftovers like steak or shrimp, which were a treat, or cheddar biscuits (yum!) for us or sometimes they'd bring us dessert. Occasionally, they'd give us each 10 or 20 bucks, but usually it was just leftovers. my older sister and I would line up at the door when they came home and say "Did you bring us food?" :

I think we started babysitting when my sister was 12 and I was 10, and it was usually the two of us who were responsible. We didn't mind, and in fact now I'm *really* glad I did so much of it while growing up. I had basically no learning curve when I had DD except for learning the cloth-diapering thing.

[SquibsNCrackers]

op here.

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting to see the different ways families feel about/deal with this. I'm feeling good about what we've been doing so far, and dp and I are still discussing the pay thing. Turns out he's not opposed to paying so much as talking through all of our feelings about it vs. setting a family "policy" without due thought/consideration.

[mom2kbeth]

I am the oldest of three (my brothers are 8 and 11 years younger than I am) and I was made the babysitter for years. From high school through college I watched my brothers from the time they got home from school every day until my parents got home at around 5:45 pm. They paid me $20/week. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Well, I was a cheerleader through high school and would have to load up the boys to take them with me to the games and I had to watch them there until my parents picked them up. The summers I had to watch them every day from 9 until 5:45 and I still got $20/week, although I think they increased it to $40 when I was in college, just for the summers though. I despised it. I felt like I could not have a normal "childhood" myself because I had two kids. if I wanted to go anywhere I had to take them with me. I know what you are talking about is a totally different thing, here and there for only a short period of time, which is fine, I just wanted to show the other perspective, lol. I think that it is good that you get a sitter, but that you also let the kids stay home together if they *want* to, I think that is the key, they *want* to stay home together sometimes!

[meowee]

Originally Posted by mommy68

meowee - I see what you are saying about being careful about leaving children home for that long. I agree regarding my "own" children, however, not all children are the same. I know for a fact I couldn't leave my 12 yr old home alone for more than about 30 minutes with his younger siblings. He is of the personality type that they can run all over him and wouldn't listen to him for very long. I could run up the road real quick but not more than 30 minutes. But that's my children. All kids are different though.

Yes, it really depends on the maturity and trustworthiness of the child. My HSed son is trustworthy but very immature for his age. He also has a speech impediment and is almost impossible to understand on the phone, so if god forbid he had to call 911, other than tracing the call (can they even do that for every call?), I don't think they would even know where to show up, or for what they were showing up for.

[Leersia]

I have a brother four years younger than me. When we were children, we always had a babysitter waiting for us when we came home from school, as both parents worked full time. As soon as I turned 12, I assumed that role, and yes, my parents paid me handsomely for it. I took care of my brother all day in the summers too. Unlike a PP, there was no resentment on my part of course - I was rich by any 12-year-old standards, and I had the perfect excuse to sit at home and read books all day.

[mom2kbeth]

Originally Posted by Leersia

I have a brother four years younger than me. When we were children, we always had a babysitter waiting for us when we came home from school, as both parents worked full time. As soon as I turned 12, I assumed that role, and yes, my parents paid me handsomely for it. I took care of my brother all day in the summers too. Unlike a PP, there was no resentment on my part of course - I was rich by any 12-year-old standards, and I had the perfect excuse to sit at home and read books all day.

LOL - I wish I could have sat around reading books all day ... my brother who is 8 years younger than me used to lock me out of the house, chase me around with forks and knives, set the woods on fire (I had to call the fire department multiple times0, find my dad's playboy magazines and try to sneak them out to show his friends ... I guess it was good practice for actually being the mom, lol ! And I do sure have a lot of stories to share with his fiance now too, rofl!

[LizD]

We mix and match payment and non/payment. Dh also doesn't think she should usually get paid, but she was an only child for ten years, and I think neither is it fair to suffer an interloper AND have to watch him!

We pay her less as time goes on, actually. Now that he is old enough for preschool, the necessity doesn't come up as much. I never paid her when I ran to the store, say. But she gets a VERY generous allowance and is expected to pitch in wherever asked (or not asked), as a member of the household.

[phathui5]

Does your dd already get an allowance?

For the OP: I would not leave a 13 y.o. with your other kids alone for more than 2 hours.

I started babysitting children (not related to me) when I was 13. I can say that I was responsible, ready for it, and the kids were well taken care of. I don't think being 13 disqualifies one from doing childcare.

[SquibsNCrackers]

Yes, she gets an allowance. It's not large. It's just a little "mad money."

I also babysat multiple kids at 13 and was more than capable of handling them all day. Our friends and neighbors have paid dd1 to babysit occasionally since she was 12. She is very responsible and capable. I would have no problem leaving her with anyone's kids for more than 2 hours. Actually, she could probably manage for a weekend (not that that's happening).