Do you have help?

[mackysmama]

I am a SAH, homeschooling (unschooling) mama to a 5.5 yo boy and a 2.5 yo girl. My partner works out of the house and works normal business hours with an additional one late night a week (until about 10:30) and one weekend morning (usually 9-1). She has a flexible schedule if we have doctor's appointments, etc. My 2.5 year old just gave up naps, which has made for some long days!

I have the opportunity to have a college student babysit my kids in-house every wed. morning for 3 hours at an affordable rate. She works with my partner and we feel very confident in her abilities and enthusiasm.

The problem is me! As much as I would love to have this time to myself, I am feeling it is very indulgent. I am wondering how many homeschooling mamas have regular help? Or, would you have regular help if you could afford it?

And, if you do have regular help, what do you do with this time? Do you run errands for the family such as grocery shopping or do you do stuff for YOU and, if so, what would that be?

Thanks mamas! I am hoping to get some reassurance.

OH, and we don't have family so this is it.

[Mere]

Take it take it take it! It is not self-indulgent...and even if it sometimes feels that way, so what? You deserve it!

I have help, and I need more...it's not normal to be able to do everything on your own. So far the help I am getting is just housecleaning help, but I also just enlisted someone to come help me with the baby for a few hours while I get a few things done around the house. She does well with my other two kids too, so I might start using her for other things once the baby can be left more. Mostly what I need help with is childcare during some of dd's activities/classes. Some things are okay to tote the younger children to, but others are not (e.g., a Waldorf handwork class we just started).

[4evermom]

I'd totally do that if I could afford it and my ds would stay with someone. I'd do pottery with my time. There is a place near me that has some day classes. I'm usually tired by evening and not so interested in going out, especially when it is dark in the winter, so evening claasses are less attractive. Plus, I'm needed home for bedtime so it means ds doesn't go to sleep til I return.

I know people who escape to a coffee house with their laptops one day a aweek when their partner is home.

I do love running errands w/o kids in tow so that could get alternated with hanging out at a coffeehouse, or a bookstore, or a library....

If I thought my ds wouldn't come looking for me but would stay engaged with the babysitter, I might stay home and do some projects. We have many walls and woodwork that need painting. I have some furniture that I want to fix up. Some wood things that need gluing. Some half reupholstered things.

[KimProbable]

My help is my Mom! She's spent the past two days over here while I've been cleaning/organizing my basement. We pass the kiddos back and forth and get as much done as quickly as we can!

I usually drop off both kids out at her place on Tuesday afternoons so I can grocery shop, clean, work out, etc. It's nice for the kids to have some Grandma time rather than watching me clean and it's nice for me to have a few hours of quiet so I can think!

If I didn't have her help and I could afford it, I would most certainly go with a mother's helper on a regular basis.

[frogguruami]

Well, I am cheap! SO paying someone regularly would not happen because I don't NEED it. However, it would be nice to have that goto person if I needed them.

Oh, and I would not consider it self indulgent!

[muse]

Do it!

Dh has the kids one morning a week and if I'm not working then I hike, do yoga, play music, browse bookstores, knit, read in a cafe, or sometimes run errands. Grocery shopping alone on my own time can sometimes feel like a luxury, and I get to buy the cookies etc I wouldn't with the kids

if it feels too indulgent then look at it as benefitting your children as well as yourself by giving them a whole new experience with a different person and getting a more rested mama at the end of it.

[moonshoes]

I would do it in a heartbeat if I was given the chance.

[b&c'smama]

Do it NOW!!! (And then send her to my house!)

[theatermom]

If I knew someone I trusted, and that the boys trusted, in a heartbeat! When we were in IN, my mom was that person, and another close friend occasionally helped.

I shopped, ran errands, went to the library (this was very important to me as I sometimes need to be able to look for homeschooling resources on my own), the bookstore, whatever. The boys enjoyed the time, and I got a much needed respite.

Now that I'm here, I'm desperately missing my network! My mom may be moving here in May/June, so I'm crossing everything that it works out (not just for the breaks, but also because I miss my mom!).

[swellmomma]

Take the help!

I am a single mom so no partner to help me out. My mom has offered to pay for weight watchers meetings for me and babysit, and she paid for my cake decorating class and babysits. THat is the only break I get from 3 out of 4 kids(baby goes with me). If I could get someone to come in at a reasonable cost to help me out I would snatch it up as fast as possible. I have 3 cake classes left and only get 8 WW meetings before she decides if I have lost enough to keep paying for it for me. It's finite and I am already dreading go back to no breaks for me.

[sleet76]

I do. I have a homeschooled teenager come one morning a week from 8:30-12:30. At first, I just did work around the house that is hard to do with a baby in arms and a toddler messing up everything I'm doing (like folding and putting away laundry, etc...). Or, she would run errands with us and wait in the car with kids while I did my 5-second run-in errands (like pick up a prescription, etc...). Now, she's very used to the kids and our routine. I will schedule doctor appointments during her time here and just take the kid in question. Or I'll do something like by myself like a bra shopping trip--something that I really need to do but can't fathom trying to do it with the kids. I really like having her here--she is also fun to talk to and it's a nice addition to my daily conversation. As she's been here, I've discovered how to best use her time. A few weeks ago, my DD was sick, and my DS1 was bouncing of the walls from boredom. She took him out on a long walk/bike ride while I kept the baby and babied my DD. I think having that time as an option to do a few things more easily has been great for me.

I say do it!!

[wwisdomskr]

Yes...and it has taken me over a year to release the guilt about. I have lots of paid help and wish I could afford more! We don't have any immediate or extended family anywhere within an 8 hour drive. My dh is out of town 4 days a week.

I have a homeschooled teen 3 mornings/week (and an open invitation for her to come over and work any other time she is available). I have housecleaning twice a week and a college student who babysits on 2 of the 3 evenings/week that my dh is out of town. I need to have some reprieve and an extra set of hands before I jump from daytime parenting into nighttime parenting, kwim?

I feel like I can "justify" the help that I have now, but you know what? So, can anyone who feels like they need a little help. I once scoffed at a mom who always seemed to have an extended family member or a babysitter along with her and her twins. A mutual friend quickly put me in my place, stating that we can all use a little help and there's nothing natural about parenting young children and running a household all by ourselves.

I now eat humble pie. And, I don't anticipate feeling like I'll need less help next year, when my dh will be on a more typical work schedule.

[SquibsNCrackers]

Originally Posted by b&c'smama

Do it NOW!!! (And then send her to my house!)

: Justify it?!?! Self-indulgent?!! I hope you are joking! Okay, that's not a slam. One of the WEIRDEST things to me about NFL and un/homeschooling (the way it plays in my life) is the way I often feel like I tripped and fell into the 50's when I wasn't looking. I NEVER thought I would be financially "dependent" on another, let alone staying home with small children, let alone taking responsibility : for housekeeping and meal-preparation 24/7. Never, never, never, never!!!! Then dp, dd1 and the rest came along and here I am.
I am frequently astonished by the weird self-denying, martyrish, guilty feelings that arise in relation to meeting my own needs. It's bizarre (and I'm 13 years into it ).

I'm getting interrupted, so instead of rambling on and on, I'll say: Just do it!!!! Good for you!!!!

[PumpkinSeeds]

Originally Posted by b&c'smama

Do it NOW!!! (And then send her to my house!)

:

[mom2kbeth]

Take it, take it, take it! LOL! As a single homeschooling mom, if I were able to do that, I woudl do it in a heartbeat. You are a better mama when you are rested and not stressed and when you make time for yourself, even if that time is just time for you to clean up uninterrupted, lol, it makes more time for you to spend with the kids and makes for a happier mom!

[pamama]

I defiinitely would jump at it if we could afford it. Well, for the older 2. The baby is only a month old and my kids are pretty much physically attached to me untiil they turn 2 years or so. LOL! When I was pg, my mil watched them for dr appts if dh couldn't get the time off. I also dropped ds off at ger house every tuesday morning so I could take dd to library storytime. I guess that wasn't really a break for me since I still had dd with me, but ds is exhausting!!! Dd just goes with the flow and is real easy going but has asbergers and being with him 24/7 just takes a lot out of me. That's why I kept him in preschool as long as i did. Dd decided she didn't want to sign up for storytime this month, so ds hasn't been having his tuesday mornings with grandma. Mil is coming tomorrow to play with the kids while I take the baby to the dr. I'm debating whether or not I should stop for a quick coffee break while it's just me and the little one.

[chaos_pie]

yes. You should take it. Even if it means that you sit at the coffee shop and read the newspaper for 3 hours. It will re-fresh your spirit and help you stay in touch with yourself. Plus it makes scheduling appts so much easier!

I have had help when the kids were younger, and when we started hs. I have had a housekeeper and prior to that, a once a week babysitter. This really helped when the kids were younger.

Now the kids are older, able to clean up after themselves, and also more independent so I find that I need less help and I have more time to myself through out the days. Plus, we are seeing we need that extra money for music lessons, karate and all other the other expensive things older kids are into!

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Mere

Take it take it take it! It is not self-indulgent...and even if it sometimes feels that way, so what? You deserve it!

I agree. I have an older child home now as of yesterday and the other two will still be in school. I also have the grandparents to take them on weekends here and there so we have overnight time alone. It's great.

I sometimes get that empty nest feeling when my kids are gone and don't know what to do with myself, just depends on my mood at the time and what I need to get done. But mostly I just enjoy that time and do what I want to do.

[Openskyheart]

Indulge, baby, indulge! What's wrong with indulging ourselves every now and then (or weekly, or twice weekly, etc.) anyway?