Consensual living with a 4 year old - Page 2

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by laoxinat

Woman. YOU have survived for HOW long with your DH overseas? No creativity or imagination my butt! You would never have made it without your ingenuity.
Now, having said that, I used to really loathe "silliness". I just.could.not.do.it. It felt fake and put on and, well, ew... However, I have made a huge effort in the last little while to just get over myself, and especially to stop worrying about what others (read other mamas) think about me, my kids or my students. It has improved my relationships enormously. Just having the capacity to be in the moment makes such a huge difference. Kiddos HATE when mama is distracted, so of course they act out, and THEN what do we do? Ignore them of course, for fear of encouraging "bad" behavior. Have you read Naomi Aldort? I know not everyone loves her, but her SALVE process is woth the price of admission, hands down.

Thanks. I wish I could see that in myself. Yes, actually Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves is the next to last book I finished. Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn was the last. I loved it but I do have a hard time putting the ideas into practice. I realized that as much as I've been trying to live that way with my children for the last 16 years I've come up short often. I'm working on it. A lot of my problem is stopping myself so I have time think before I react. I know I'm distracted a lot. I don't have any time to myself because I'm always doing all the stuff that needs to be done for everyone. That doesn't leave much time or energy for doing things we want. Even after the kids go to sleep the baby wakes every 1-2 hours until I go to bed so I'm always on that edge waiting for that cry. kwim? Thank goodness that will change soon.

I have a long list of situations I need help with. I'm trying to post one at a time so I don't overwhelm everyone.

[MarineWife]

I'm going to get general again. I have always tried to make my home a "yes" home. I try to set things up so the kids can do what they want rather than having a home where I'm constantly setting limits. My ds has always been an easy going, happy, cooperative child. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with his personality but I like to think that at least part of it is because I've made things safe for him to do things. Lately, though, I feel like I've been spending all of my time telling him no. "Don't hit your brother." "Don't throw that." "Stop yelling." Blah, blah, blah. I need to figure out a way to get back to just letting things be.

I was going to say that it all started just a few months ago when the baby started moving around. DS gets upset when his little brother gets near or into the things he's playing with. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it probably started when the baby was born and I really needed ds2 to be quiet when the baby was sleeping. It has just progressed to this. I don't know how to let ds2 have his things and also let ds3 be in the room. DS2 is constantly telling me to get his little brother. Pick him up. Move him away. I need to be able to put the baby down and he needs to be able to move around and play and explore. How can I reconcile all of this?