Kids and sports dilema

[amcal]

My almost 6yo has been involved in gymnastics for a long time. She was identified early on as having "potential". She's moved up through the levels pretty quickly and each new coach tells me she's really talented and that she has something special.

She's ready to move up to a competitive level which would require a substantial time commitment and I've said no, she's too young so we're keeping her at pre-team indefinitely.

She loves gymnastic. She talks about it all the time. She's constantly doing gymnastics all over the house.

Just last week, she mastered her back handspring which is what she needs to move up. Even though I won't let her move up, she was talking about how excited she was and couldn't wait until she could move up to the team etc...

Then on Monday, she tells me she thinks she doesn't want to do pre-team anymore - she wants to switch to recreational gymnastics. Uh ok. This is completely out of the blue. She was just talking about how excited she was about learning a new skill and moving up some day and then the next day she wants to quit.

I talk to her to try to figure out if something has happened - she says the gym is too hot, climbing the rope makes her feel like she has to pee, the music is loud - all silly reasons that don't make any sense. I can't get out of her any reason that seems like a real reason - all excuses. But, ok. I'm not going to force her to go if she doesn't want to.

So, I talk to her coach who is hugely disappointed. But, the coach says that she can move to recreation, try it for a while and if she wants to go back to pre-team she can.

My problem is that the only class she can take is taught by a male coach whom she has a huge crush on. Huge. This guy walks by and DD turns purple and gets all twitchy and twirly. She seeks out his attention and approval. It's way over the top and when it happens in passing, it's bad enough but I can't imagine how bad it will be once she's in his class. It makes me really uncomfortable and I try to distract her when I know he's going to be around. She is only 5 (soon to be 6) but far too young to be twirling her hair, blushing, being twitchy and twirly, calling out to the guy, trying to get his attention etc...

Now, I don't know what to do. I don't want DDl to stay in pre-team if she doesn't want to. But, I also don't want her to switch to this guy's class. Seriously, her crush is over the top attention seeking, twirly, twitchy annoying.

If she's going to quit, I want her to quit for the right reasons, I don't want her to quit just because she gets to be in Coach Heart throb's class.

I've asked her if she wants to just stay in pre-team but go 2 x a week instead of 3x a week. She says no - she wants to try Coach Heart Throb's class.

Now what?

[pigpokey]

? As the lead coach / gym owner / etc what she recommends. Can she take 2 preteam workouts and one in this class a week?

I'd be inclined to pull my child for a while to find out if she really was interested in gymnastics at all, passionately, but that would probably be too extreme and I wouldn't do it.

Maybe she likes diving.

[ktbug]

Diving, yeah, or a different gym.
Any other gym programs around?

PS, gym is addictive for little girls, especially when they're good at it, but while some of the things they learn are useful, it can be very damaging both physically and psychologically in the long run if they get too 'into it'.

I would feel the same as you about the "crush", though. Clearly that's why she wants to switch to the rec program. I wouldn't be too keen on that.

[amcal]

I've asked her and she doesn't want to do pre-team at all - not even just cutting back. She says she wants to do this guy's recreation class.

I've asked her if she wants to quit all together and she freaks and says no.

Even after she's said all this, just tonight she gets tearful when talking about all her pre-team friends and that she's going to miss them etc..

[amcal]

ktbug - we're very on top of all that. Her current coaches and the next level coaches are fabulous. It's not until she gets much higher that the psychological issues would come into play and we would be very cautious about what we would allow. At this level and next, it's very supportive and nurturing. But, it is a lot of work.

So, if you guys think I'm justifiably uncomfortable with her taking a class with the male coach, what are my options?

There isn't another gym around that she can go to. So, I either make her stay in pre-team with the option of cutting back, I make her quit or I let her take the class with this male coach but talk to him about it and see if he can dissuade her?

Ugggg!

[CarrieMF]

I think I would let her try the other class. Her crush seems excessive for a 5yo. If she went in his class she would see him in a different light other than being cute & probably lose her crush. She may find the class is boring too & want to go back, especially if they aren't working on the same things or harder things than she already is doing.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

Her crush seems excessive for a 5yo.

I know! I hate to admit it but I'm embarrassed by it. I have no idea where it comes from. We are very careful about tv and movies (Noggin and Mary Poppins are the norm around here). She's not exposed to anything that I can think of where she would see this type of behavior. She's in a small kindergarten, well monitored, none of the teachers have said there is an issue. She doesn't act forward or beyond her years on any other regard so this crush thing has really thrown me for a loop.

I think part of the problem is that she's very self assured, out going, has no problem talking to people and because she's so out going, people tend to be drawn to her. She engages people in conversation where ever she goes. So, this crush thing started because she was practicing on a beam near where he was teaching a class. He complimented her - told her she was adorable, doing a great job etc... and she just beamed. Ever since then, every time she sees him, she seeks out his attention and he's a super nice guy, very out going, well liked, charismatic etc... He doesn't mean anything by it and it's totally innocent but she's just basking in the attention and has started seeking it out.

[UUMom]

If she were my little one, I would find something else for her to do for a bit, or just not sign her up for the next session-- or until this passes. She is only 6-- there is no loss if she sits out a few weeks. That level of infatuation and need for attention at age 6 would concern me greatly.

[amcal]

Just a quick update:

DD and I had a good heart to heart today. I told her how much I loved her, how much I wanted her to be happy and that if she wanted to quit, it was totally fine with me but that I wanted to know if something happened since just last week she was telling me how much she loved it and how excited she was about it.

Turns out she said she used to be able to do her splits but lately, she can't do it as well anymore (they just had 2 weeks off so this isn't surprising) and she is afraid when she does her back handspring (which she just mastered) that if she doesn't do it right someone is going to laugh at her. I think she's going through a huge insecure phase for some reason. She's also been very needy and clingy lately so this seems to jive with how she's been acting in other areas.

She also said that she misses me so much when she's at gymnastics and it's hard for her to think that her 4yo sister and I are out doing fun things while she's at gymnastics. She says some of the other girls get to have snack with their mom's during the gymnastics break and that's when she really misses me.

So, we talked about what she wants to do. I told her I loved her no matter what and whatever she wanted was fine. She said she doesn't really want to do recreation but she doesn't want to do pre-team 3 days either. She wants to just do 2 days at pre-team and she needs me to be there.

So, we're going to try it for a while and see how it goes. She knows she can quit anytime she wants and that we'll support her no matter what.

Oh and the Coach Heartthrob thing? She never once even brought it up. I think I was way too worried about it. I think when she's around him, she's nervous and twitchy but I don't think it was coloring her decision at all. She never even mentioned either being in his class or not being in his class.