help - baby blues!!

[Pilgrim]

I feel utterly and completely ridiculous!! I had a wonderful homebirth with no complications. Healthy baby, full support (sort of...) - totally nothing to complain about. I still need to post the full birth story.

But I simply can not let go of what seems to be a big deal to me. The birth pool was not ready when I needed it. Gratefully I was able to hop in and deliver our baby in there. From the time I got in to the time our DD2 came out: 3 minutes!

I had pictured myself laboring in the tub and being cuddled by DH. But DH was so busy filling the tub, and I still don't know what else he was doing. He only spent 30 minutes with me during labor. (and I'd say about 3 hours of it was tough.) Perhaps he had the same thought - that he'd labor with me in the tub. I dunno. He could have also felt "outnumbered" because I had a lot of supportive women there with me.

Anyway, I am so bawling about this, and I can't seem to let it go - that I didn't get to labor in the tub, and that I didn't have DH right there with me.

What can I do? I know there is this major clash of emotional vs. logical at the moment. The logical me says that I had an awesome homebirth - which is very much true. The emotional side of me just wants a "do-over" because it was just in no way what I had pictured. I didn't realize I was so attached to that picture either, or I would have made it more of a priority, kwim? I would have told DH to stay with me, and he would have. He's a very supportive guy!

I really thought that I wasn't so attached to my "scenario" because I didn't want to have this disappointment. And I don't know why I have these stupid feelings after such a really awesome birth???!!!

I was so elated after DD1 was born, and so let down now. HELP!!!

[my kidlets and me]

Hugs - everything is so hard during these first postpartum days...I completely sympathize. All I can suggest is that as the baby blues fade, the "picture" of your perfect birth may not hold so much importance to you. As your dd grows and you become more and more enraptured by her, her birth won't hold such priority.

But definitely hugs to you - the baby blues are NOT fun times.

[AngelaB]

I personally dont think its silly to mourn dreams that we have that didnt work out. If you envisioned things to be one way and they turn out to be different its sad. Dont forget that you are going through major changes in many ways and its normal to be out of sorts. We spend our whole pregnancy planning, dreaming, making huge decisions and when baby finally arrives it can be a bit of a let down in a way and no plans or decisions to hang on to anymore. We just sort of wing it.

I say grieve what you feel you have lost and work on finding a way to let it go. Maybe try writing down all the wonderful things about this birth and make a list of all the things you want to do differently next time. Thats what I would do anyways.

I dont know if this helps but I really hope peace finds you soon!
Angela

[Mama_Bear]

I wouldn't feel silly about mourning this at all. You had a plan, a dream, and it didn't go as planned. The best thing for you to do is to focus on the positive things that DID happen: homebirth, supportive people surrounding you, beautiful baby, etc. But also let yourself mourn the things that didn't happen. Give yourself some time to feel those feelings and then let them go.

We spend 9 months gearing up for this. I think it's totally normal to feel the way you are feeling.

[Surfacing]

I agree that it's normal and okay to mourn the loss of your expectations. Especially when you had envisioned a certain type of support and emotional comfort - if it was not there and you were upset by the lack, felt vulnerable and stranded, hey, you have a right to your feelings and a need to process that. I totally get you there.

Be kind to yourself. It's normal and okay to have some pretty intense feelings and swings after giving birth. What a journey our bodies have gone through. And our lives are intensely changed for it. Since you felt so great after your first birth, I'm hearing that you're disappointed at not feeling as great after this one. Yeah, I guess there's a whole range of how we can feel after birth, isn't there? Now you got this kind of outcome.

Have you talked with dh about your feelings?

Take care of yourself.