Hello ** Sorry long, meds history***
I will try to make this short
. Let's see, I think I have always suffered from anxiety - - but October of 2006 I hit rock bottom. Found myself in a depression and first OCD attack and intrusive thoughts. I went to therapy, diagnosed with OCD, probably GAD before that and Depression.
I have now tried:
Zoloft: 50 mg (this was my first SSRI, my primary did not wein me on a high dosage,I had severe anxiety, depersonalization and insomnia with suicidal idealation for the first 3-4 weeks). I tried for 4 months, felt FLAT and helped a little with OCD. Tried to increase, anxiety side effects were too intense.
Celexa: 30 mg, same start up effects, increased anxiety but didn't feel as flat. Tried for 4 months, was sooooo tired, couldn't tell the difference if I was depressed still or just tired.
At this point, added Wellbutrin. The initial anxiety I stuck through, and stayed on 75mg. First time I felt partial relief for my depression.
Lexapro: 20 mg, still always tired - - to the point where all I thought about was the next time I was going to lay down. Slept in car on my lunch etc. Stopped and stayed on WellB.
My anxiety was still high when I stopped Lex, but Depression was being partially treated. But, I knew I still wasn't 'well'. It's hard to explain, I'm sure you guys understand. It's like a rollercoaster, anxiety and high irritability, some days OCD high, then depressed.
SOOO I tried Prozac for a month: OMG !!! It was so awful for me. I was plagued with suicidal idealation - - I felt soooooooooo depressed. I could feel it in my body, the change. It was scarrry. So, I discontinued and it took a few weeks to get out of it.
So, I increased my WELL B to 150. I'm not sure if I have always, but I'm starting to journal, and realize that some days I am filled with irritability. I can just feel it in my veins, no matter the brightness of the day - - no matter if there are stressors or not, I just feel bitchy. I have been feeling that way a lot more lately - - sometimes even during the same day. In the morning I'll be ok - - but then it will take over. Since I recognize it, I try very hard and don't lash out in anger - but there are times where someone talks to me and my skin crawls, because Im so annoyed. Then there are still days I'm so depressed.
SOOOOOO - - if you guys are still in this post with me. My problem is my psych has retired this month. We have tried 4 antidepressants, Klonopin helps , I only take about twice a month if I'm freaking out. I haven't had any 'noticeable' hypomania symptoms.But, I know the SSRI's aren't working, The wellB is not fully treating the depression, and hardly treating the anxiety as I feel it daily.Since october 2006 i have not fully recovered.
1) Should I ask to try a mood stabilizing drug, Lamitical for example?
2) Should I keep going the rounds with SSRI's? Tricylic etc?
3) Is it all in my head , why can't I just move past this ?
My husband wants to have a baby in about a year. Right now I feel like my brain and emotions are all over the place, and like I have no control. I've been in therapy for a year, I'm sure it's helped. But, I just want to be happy and well adjusted - - not perfect. But, these moods, and depressive symptoms are awful . . . I find myself wondering if we'll ever be able to have another one. Which is painful. I kind of feel like I've lost myself .....Anyhow, thank you for listening. I can't get into a new Psych for 30 days, but would like to see my primary because I dont' want to wait another month to try something that may help. I just wonder what I should ask for, what my next step should be ?
I will try to make this short
. Let's see, I think I have always suffered from anxiety - - but October of 2006 I hit rock bottom. Found myself in a depression and first OCD attack and intrusive thoughts. I went to therapy, diagnosed with OCD, probably GAD before that and Depression.I have now tried:
Zoloft: 50 mg (this was my first SSRI, my primary did not wein me on a high dosage,I had severe anxiety, depersonalization and insomnia with suicidal idealation for the first 3-4 weeks). I tried for 4 months, felt FLAT and helped a little with OCD. Tried to increase, anxiety side effects were too intense.
Celexa: 30 mg, same start up effects, increased anxiety but didn't feel as flat. Tried for 4 months, was sooooo tired, couldn't tell the difference if I was depressed still or just tired.
At this point, added Wellbutrin. The initial anxiety I stuck through, and stayed on 75mg. First time I felt partial relief for my depression.
Lexapro: 20 mg, still always tired - - to the point where all I thought about was the next time I was going to lay down. Slept in car on my lunch etc. Stopped and stayed on WellB.
My anxiety was still high when I stopped Lex, but Depression was being partially treated. But, I knew I still wasn't 'well'. It's hard to explain, I'm sure you guys understand. It's like a rollercoaster, anxiety and high irritability, some days OCD high, then depressed.
SOOO I tried Prozac for a month: OMG !!! It was so awful for me. I was plagued with suicidal idealation - - I felt soooooooooo depressed. I could feel it in my body, the change. It was scarrry. So, I discontinued and it took a few weeks to get out of it.
So, I increased my WELL B to 150. I'm not sure if I have always, but I'm starting to journal, and realize that some days I am filled with irritability. I can just feel it in my veins, no matter the brightness of the day - - no matter if there are stressors or not, I just feel bitchy. I have been feeling that way a lot more lately - - sometimes even during the same day. In the morning I'll be ok - - but then it will take over. Since I recognize it, I try very hard and don't lash out in anger - but there are times where someone talks to me and my skin crawls, because Im so annoyed. Then there are still days I'm so depressed.
SOOOOOO - - if you guys are still in this post with me. My problem is my psych has retired this month. We have tried 4 antidepressants, Klonopin helps , I only take about twice a month if I'm freaking out. I haven't had any 'noticeable' hypomania symptoms.But, I know the SSRI's aren't working, The wellB is not fully treating the depression, and hardly treating the anxiety as I feel it daily.Since october 2006 i have not fully recovered.
1) Should I ask to try a mood stabilizing drug, Lamitical for example?
2) Should I keep going the rounds with SSRI's? Tricylic etc?
3) Is it all in my head , why can't I just move past this ?
My husband wants to have a baby in about a year. Right now I feel like my brain and emotions are all over the place, and like I have no control. I've been in therapy for a year, I'm sure it's helped. But, I just want to be happy and well adjusted - - not perfect. But, these moods, and depressive symptoms are awful . . . I find myself wondering if we'll ever be able to have another one. Which is painful. I kind of feel like I've lost myself .....Anyhow, thank you for listening. I can't get into a new Psych for 30 days, but would like to see my primary because I dont' want to wait another month to try something that may help. I just wonder what I should ask for, what my next step should be ?
