Should I even bother?

[Teenytoona]

My SIL is due the same day as me, Feb 10th. She's not the MDC type, but I think she's open to some ideas, sometimes. She is planning to breastfeed.

Anyways, she's all excited because the docs are telling her her fetus is already 7 lbs, and they're giong to schedule her for an induction on Feb 4 because the baby's getting too big... Sigh. I could tell her the same sort of info on inductions and U/S but, she tends to think I'm a little out there (homebirthing and whatnot,).

I know she's really excited and scared and whatnot. I also feel that she feels a little competitive about this due date stuff, while for me it's however it goes it goes. She's been saying for a month she *just knows* she will go a few weeks early (this is her first). I think that when DP and I announced this one on the way, she was dissappointed because she's sort of an attention hog (they knew about theirs before we did). She has some insecurities and these tend to play out in an "look at meeee!" kind of way, whether it's how hard she has it or cool somethign is, or what not. Our older BIL is having a heyday with this, as he really doesn't like her and talks about her all the time... oy. But hey that's how she is. Early on she started in on how hard everything is for her. I"m not into playing "who's got it worse games" so I just tried to be encouraging to her and not compete. I think she's gotten the picture, she's much more conversational now than competitive.

Part of me thinks any information I say about inductions and u/s will fall on deaf ears, so why bother? But, what if the usual issues occur, ya know? She drives me crazy sometimes, but she is like a little sister and I do want to look out for her. I also get the feeling that she wants to "be first." I'm ok with that, and willing to let her have her time to shine, I just want to make sure she makes the best decision for her and the baby and my lil bro.

WWMDCD?

[Dea]

That's a tough call. It's not even a whole week early, but I've read that if the baby's not all cooked they won't breastfeed well.
Tough call.
I'm in a similar situation where my brother is having a boy and his wife will not ever consider not circing because she thinks it gross to be un circed.

So the issue is if it's fair to push our views on them, when we're constantly bombarded with outside views on us? When in the end I'm sure all of the babies concerned will be fine. Except for that one time when her baby will be under 6 lbs because the ultrasound was wrong, or my little nephew will be horribly injured when a doctor screws up.

Hard choice.

Anyhow I would mention it once gently and then back off.

[steph117]

I'm with Dea - I wouldn't nag her about it, but I would say something, even if it were to fall on deaf ears. That way, at least I'd know I'd tried. Maybe just offer information once, & hope she bites. And if she doesn't bite, and goes ahead with it anyway, hopefully her little one will be fine, and she won't end up with a cascade of unnecessary interventions...

It's rough, though, to watch people doing things because they don't have more information/aren't interested in learning more that might change their minds. So maybe try to find one really persuasive article about ultrasounds being unreliable for predicting birthweight, or about women not generally growing babies too big to birth, or about the dangers of inducing? Just one really well-thought-out piece that might reach her? At least then you know she's doing it fully by choice, & not just because the dr told her that's the way it should be, you know?

Good luck...

[the elyse]

no advice other than just be there if she has questions for you.

i think it's slightly amusing/annoying when first time moms "just know" they're going early.

[nolonger]

This comes to mind.

[flapjack]

I would tell her that a friend of yours was told by her doctor that 60% of inductions end up as c-sections, is she sure she knows what she's doing? (sorry, Carlito's wife, but that's got to be good for something.) There's a study linked to HBUK which shows that the adverse outcomes of intervention at 39 weeks for baby are pretty low- the incidence of problems actually starts dropping somewhere between 37 and 38 weeks- and so the chances are that baby's going to be fine and baby will get away with it. She, otoh, might not, and that might make her stop and think

[Writerbird]

A dear friend was told three weeks ago that her baby was already nine pounds... but when he was born via scheduled c/s a few days ago, he was nine and a half pounds. They really are off by several pounds when taken towards the end.

[Shanti_Mom]

I don't know what to say about saying anything to your SIL. More than likely it would fall on deaf ears.

But, I can say that I totally believe that u/s and even manipulation measurements can be way off. When I had my first DD, they kept saying that she was a "big baby". Well, she was a week early and only 7 lbs 5 oz. Not quite big, but fairly average.

Then, there was my sister who just had her first DS in August. They kept telling her that he was also going to be "huge", based on u/s and whatnot. Well, he was a week OVERDUE and only 6 lbs. 10 oz.

You just never know!

[salt_phoenix]

I have friends, SIL's, aquaintances... ALL lining up (or already did) for scheduled inductions, circ's, vax's...
I upset a close friend over a year ago when I overheard her telling someone about circumcizing her baby boy (she was still pg at the time, so i took the opportunity) when I jumped in and said, "oh my goodness girl, you aren't going to actually cut the end of your babys penis off, are you?" :
She, of course, was not only irritated with me, but did it anyway.

I honestly have to stay away from most of them during pg. and for months after... Most of them know how I am... NONE of those things.

It happens early in the conversation, when they are bubbling about every medical thing and I look at them like they are speaking some other language... on purpose. I usually say something like: "I wouldn't know what that is like, because I have my babies at home and I'm scared to DEATH to do those things to them and me... but I'm funny like that." (vax, circ, interventions)
I usually mention my stance early in the game an then leave it from there. If it comes up later and at other times, I try to make light of it, while still voicing my views.
For example: My circing friend came to see me here in the hospy and was discussing her pediatrician and part of the conversation led to something about when her boy was circ'd... I stopped the conversation in a lighthearted way and laughed and patted her on the back and said, "oh my goodness girl, you know how i feel about circing, and here you are talking about it!" Laughing all the while and acting like she was scraping fingernails on a chalkboard. She quit talking about it and she wasn't NEARLY as offended this time around, but I still voiced my opinion. ya know?

[Teenytoona]

You all are such good advisors! It's darned lucky I don't have to pay you for it!

I think I will address it one time with her, and let it go. I might wait til my bro is around, though. We were over at their place a few weeks ago, and circumcision came up. SIL was talking about where they'd do it, and I asked - yikes you're going to watch? She said nooo way, that's what bro is for... well this turned into a little mini-circ discussion with DP and I talking about some things (DSS8 is intact). Good thing is, it ended with my bro saying "maybe we should let him decide for himself" yay! So maybe it might help with him there. Don't know exactly if they've changed their minds, it seems to be SIL's the main decision maker here... but yeah, I wish she wouldn't go induction, but nothing I can do to stop it...

And yeah, I have to agree with the poster, elyse, was it? who said she's always amused at those first time moms who just know they'll go early! If anything, they are statiscally prediposed to "post-dates" according to modern medicine.. Whatcha gonna do?

[Gunter]

i like the idea of sending an e-mail to her. with links on studies or to websites.

then, it's not just your opinion or idea. and, you can say everything you want to all at once without her butting in or changing the subject or whatever.

[LoveChild421]

Usually in situations like that telling does no good, asking questions will sometimes get the person to think...sometimes...

But if you think its a competition thing, I'd probably tell her I think I'm going to go really late and that since she has a feeling she'll go early she should just go with that and not get induced...a 7 pounder really is on the small side...and that's IF the u/s is right on. My friend recently had a 4lb 13 oz little boy at what she thought was 37 weeks gestation because he was thought to be 6lbs 8oz by the u/s and her dates were off. He had a 2 week NICU stay and had to be sent home with a breathing monitor....not something I would be willing to chance. Babies are A LOT easier to take care of in than out...I personally am hoping to go overdue but I know I won't...I feel it coming on soon...

[eilonwy]

I'm due 9 Feb with my fourth. I'd give up my eye tooth (one's already gone to make it to 4 Feb. I don't think I'm gonna get to Saturday night.

I'd point blank ask her-- "Why?" As to ultrasound measurements at the end, they can be all over the place. I was told about 20 hours before Bean was born that he was 9 lbs 2 oz by ultrasound-- he was 7.5 pounds. Depending on the technician and the machine, they can be off by quite a margin. I'd also inform her that while many babies are healthy and strong at 37 weeks, and have no problems whatsoever, many, MANY more are not. I think that those last weeks of pregnancy are totally underrated, and it saddens me that so many people have no idea what a huge difference a few days can make. I speak from experience-- every single day makes a difference!

[Beverly]

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider

This comes to mind.

Oh, I am so saving that!

[mama_nym]

Oh, it really drives me crazy when OBs get on the whole "big baby according to u/s so let's induce" thing - when I was pg with my first, my OB scared me into induction, telling me that my baby was at least 10.5 lbs and over a week late. He was 7lbs 2oz and had several indications that he was probably a week or two early.

I LOVE the cartoon ... I was induced on Dec. 22 and got out of the hospital on Dec. 24 - coincidence? I think not. I had to admit myself on Dec. 21 because there were so many inductions on the 22nd that they were running out of beds in maternity!