normal sexual development?

[Dandelionkid]

Please give me your opinion. A friend is having an issue with 3.5 yr old dd. Does it seem like normal development for a child that age to ask a young boy to lie on top of her "because it feels good"? Or to ask another young boy to change her diaper and wipe her bum "because it feels good" (she doesn't wear diapers but has seen babies get changed) She told her mom only boys can lie on top of her. She has been exposed to some sexuality on tv (PG type stuff- nothing more)
What do you think?

[2 in August]

I've been around tons of 3-5 year olds through work and while my dd was that age. I think what you are describing is not really normal behavior.

[moonshoes]

That behavior would definitely set off some alarms for me.

[amcal]

Definitely not normal behavior. I would have been hugely alarmed if my kids said something like that at that age. Heck, at 4.5 and 6, it would hugely alarm me if my kids said something like that.

[miss_nikki]

Originally Posted by mumster

Please give me your opinion. A friend is having an issue with 3.5 yr old dd. Does it seem like normal development for a child that age to ask a young boy to lie on top of her "because it feels good"? Or to ask another young boy to change her diaper and wipe her bum "because it feels good" (she doesn't wear diapers but has seen babies get changed) She told her mom only boys can lie on top of her. She has been exposed to some sexuality on tv (PG type stuff- nothing more)
What do you think?

I agree with the other posters. That doesn't sound normal. To me it sounds like a little girl who has been exposed to more than she should've been and possibly even harmed. I was abused and exposed to too much when I was little and did stuff similar to that. Even though I said it felt good and sometimes to be honest it did, I mostly felt bad and like I was a bad person and it scared me. It didn't help that my parents didn't really talk to me about it much and when my dad did, it was with disappointment and I could tell he was disturbed and uncomfortable.

[Nature]

In my experience of having girls, that is a bit away from the norm IMO.

[Thompson'sMommy]

I hope they figure something out. I don't let my kid go anywhere.

[transformed]

I don't know "officially" what the right answer is. But it would make sense to me that a 3.5 yr old would emulate adults that she sees. And if she saw it on TV, she would probably want to copy it.

kwim?

[mamazee]

That doesn't sound normal to me either. Even with PG-level TV.

[thismama]

Yeah, not normal behaviour IMO.

[Jessy1019]

That definitely sounds outside of the norm, even for a child who has pretty much unrestricted access to media . . . we don't (and haven't ever) restricted the content of the shows and movies my daughter watches, but at five, she has never acted out like that and has never tried to explore anything sexual with other children. She is very comfortable TALKING about sex (which is a good thing, IMO, even if her knowledge tends to be above what's typical for her age level), but she really doesn't act on any of it.

Besides, what has this little girl seen that made her think of diaper changes in a sexual way? That isn't exactly typical sexual behavior among adults, in movies, either.

[pigpokey]

??? Could be either way. Even PG stuff on TV may have very ... suggestive .. commercials, promos, etc. If my kid got up in the middle of the night without me knowing it she could get an eyeful on Cinemax, but at this point I can't get her to get out of bed without insisting I get up too.

I would say that if her mom thinks there's a place and time she may have been victimized, she should follow up on that. But if there's no such place, well, kids do role-play without being victimized. I never had siblings or that kind of play situation as a young child; I only had little girl friends, never that kind of play.

[IdahoMom]

I never in a million years thought that my barely-4-at-the-time daughter was ever in a place where she could have been victimized. But she was, in a place that was a second home to us, under the watch of an AP mom who I trusted implicitely to protect her (and she hid it from me for a time, because her son was the one that did it. . . then when she finally told me she tried to blame my daughter. Obviously I'll never, ever trust her again).

You can't ever say with 100% certainty that there's no way anything could have happened to your child.

As for the OP, I have all girls and that sounds like abnormal behavior to me.

[BiscuitBaby]

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[Dandelionkid]

Thanks for all the responses. I had the same feeling as many of you.

[beanma]

Can only boys change her "diaper", too? That's kinda weird. I dunno. I think I would certainly have a talk with her about it, but I don't think it necessarily has to mean she's been molested. It does raise some red flags and I would talk to her about private parts, etc., but my 2 girls like to sit on each other because it feels good, too, and they're just playing. They like to play doctor with one another, etc, too, and they haven't been exposed to anything. I have told them that they need to leave their clothes on and the door open, but there has to be some room for normal exploration. I do think the "only boys" thing is weird. My girls are pretty much in the throes of "no boys!" especially my 4 yr old, but I would explore the "only boys" thing some more with the child in question before jumping to conclusions. I think it definitely bears more investigation and some talking, but I don't think it necessarily has to mean molestation. It could, though. I don't really know...

[Datura]

Erg, I tend to agree that this doesn't sound quite normal. Could someone have "changed her diaper" in an inappropriate manner? I think the PP's are right, a professional needs to help look into this.

[Hootandflutter]

book recommendation

See if you can get from your library a copy of Harmful to Minors by Judith Levine. It includes descriptions of average child sexual behavior and recommendations for adult response.

[Blue Tulip]

No, that does not sound normal to me.