Toys

[remy]

Have one child- 3.8 year old boy. He may ask for a toy 2 out of 3 times that we go to the grocery store, although sometimes it seems more like 3 of 3! I hardly say no, because most of the things he wants are affordable, I just feel as though I am creating, or facilitating, a little hyper-consumer (and there are no shortage of these in our world!). Any words?

[4evermom]

Hey, welcome to MDC!

You might get more responses if you repost your question on the Childhood forum. It takes a while to find everything here, lol.

Personally, I have no problem buying my son things that he asks for if they aren't too expensive. We talk about whether the price is good and whether it looks well made. I figure I'm helping him learn all about how to shop. Plus he is just learning about everything that is out there. I feel like my ds wanted to check out all the new stuff when he was 4 and now that he is 6, he is more discriminating about what is worth buying.

[annettemarie]

Moving to The Childhood Years

[amcal]

I don't do this for a couple reasons:
I do not need any more crap in my house. My kids have so much stuff. And the stuff that they see when we're out and about are generally just impulse stuff - shiny, pretty, etc... they just want it to have it, not because it's really something that they'll play with or get any use out of.

Also, I think it creates "Iwantthatitis" It's a disease where children who get whatever they want just want more and more. When they were little and saw balls, books, gadgets and knicknacks, I would but it for them. But, as they've gotten older and older, they want more and more. It gets to be an expectation that when we go to the store, they get to have stuff. I hate that!

It gets to the point that when you do buy them things, they don't appreciate it. They expect it.

I also think there is something to be said for delayed gratification. If my DDs really want something, they don't have to have it that second. If we go back and they still want it, I'll make a mental note for birthdays, Chrismas etc... then it makes it extra special.

[lightheart]

what I have been doing of late that seems to work (mostly) is before we go to the store, in the parking lot I tell him, something along the lines of we are going into the store and we are going to get groceries and toilet paper or whatever non food items I have on my list, we are not going into the store and buying toys. You cannot have a toy today. You will not ask for a toy today. If you see any food that you want you can ask for it, it has to be food though. You have to be able to eat it. It cannot be candy, it has to be real food. Do you understand, do you agree? .....

once in the store if he asks for a toy then I remind him of what we talked about and thet he cannot have a toy, blah blah blah, same speech that we had in the parking lot. Do you want something special to eat, that's not candy? You can buy some food, but we are not buying a toy today.

the melt downs have been so much better when I say no.

My husband kept telling me when he did this that I should just leave the store, I did that once but I felt like that was way too harsh for my son, he was devistated and it only made my life more difficult because it ment that I left a half filled buggy and had to still go back another day to shop. I also thought that if he ever decided he didn't want to go to the store one day that he would 'use' that trick on me, making me leave the store.

litle guy who is the 'wanter' just turned 4.

[mamabeca]

I think you need to use your intuition - if once in a while, he gets a toy (not as a bribe, but because the timing is right, and it feels right/good, then who's to tell you anything otherwise? If you are buying them regularly and you don't feel comfortable with this, you need to get to a place where you DO feel comfortable. kwim? We all find our balance with consumerism/reward/stimulation. Finding it isn't easy because it changes day to day, month to month, and certainly year to year, even for adults! It's a good question to keep on the back burner so that you can continue to evaluate it. hth! Andy

[sbgrace]

My boys are about the same age. They never ask for things. Or if they do they don't react when I say we're not getting it today.

I honestly think this is because we've never went the store and bought them stuff for asking. So there isn't an expectation. That's not to say I wouldn't notice they liked something and get it for Christmas, birthday, just because even. But I never wanted to set up a kiddo who is always expecting (demanding) stuff whenever we go shopping.

[cyncyn]

We deal with this a lot. It got started when dh stayed home with dd for 8 months while she was 3. He always bought her something wherever they went. So that was her expectation. I do not want her begging for stuff, especially cheap plastic toys that are forgotten within a day. So now, after about a year, we are to the point where we talk about what we are looking for or buying before we go into the store. DD knows that usually I will not buy toys unless we are on a special toy buying trip. DH still has trouble saying no, but he has seen the backlash of how she doesn't appreciate the toys like she does when they are something special that comes only rarely or on a holiday. We are working on saving up money for special toys (even if her idea of special is a $2.00 plastic frog). She loves the science museum and aquarium gift shops and it is hard to say no, especially if we have the money at the moment. But we are really trying to work on the meaning and value of possessions, not just having stuff "because we can".

[lily sophia's mom]

I agree with the posters who discourage buying so much stuff, even if it's cheap. For one thing, inexpensive doesn't equal good. And piles and piles of junk just aren't healthy for anyone's home. I also think it's a good idea for people to learn early on that we don't buy things just because we want them. Look at all of the adults you know who have mortgages they can't afford, drive bigger cars than they need, are physically unwell because they eat fast food that is cheap when they want to, etc., etc. It starts somewhere. Not to mention what all of these piles of plastic are doing to our homes & our planet.

Kids learn better and play better when they have fewer, but better, toys. I know it's HARD to say no when a request seems reasonable. . But it's really for everyone's good, most especially your dear child.

Another thing to think of is the money you'll save. I work with one family, and I don't know how they make ends meet with their incomes and family size. And they would NEVER consider buying one very well made doll for their daughter, as these can cost a lot. Or a well-made wooden train set or something for their son. But in the 15 months I've known them, they've had THREE yard sales to get rid of the piles of junky toys they've accumulated. They haven't saved anything, and none of the toys are enjoyed enough to keep. Just something to think about...

Best wishes...
Gina