refusing to memorize Bible memory verse

[mlleoiseau]

Dd's Wednesday night Bible class has started doing weekly memory verses. The reward if they say the verse is that they get to shake pompoms. The teacher is an elementary school teacher, and there are three other kids in class.

The first week, dd learned her verse right away, but then we were absent the night it was time to say it. Last week she got her new verse, and pretty much refused to learn it. I read it to her several times, and she was never interested in repeating it. She wouldn't say it in class, either. When I asked her why she didn't say the verse, she first said it was okay because the teacher said it for her. Later she said she was afraid. We have talked about how she can tell the teacher before or after class if she doesn't want to do it in class or how she can whisper it to the teacher.

When I read her this weeks verse, she replies with gibberish in a silly voice. What should I do? I did ask her what would make her not be afraid, and she said she didn't know.

I really don't care if she says the verse or not. It just really frustrates me that she won't try, and I don't know how to respond to the afraid answer. We are moving soon, and I think she could be trying to control whatever in her life she thinks she can. She is, and always has been, a very strong willed child. I don't want to break her will, but ideally to work with it.

Anyone have any ideas?

[Viola]

Honestly, I don't have any suggestions. I just wanted to say that the repeating it in a silly voice is typical. Both my kids do that, and they make up their own words for things, replacing key words in a phrase with something not as nice.

So she is 4? Kids that age are pretty good at memorizing things, from what I can observe, so maybe just make it part of your day to say it to her, try and make a game of it. Even if she memorizes it, getting her to repeat it on command will be tough. I feel like it depends on the personality of the child, but it isn't uncommon that they don't want to participate. I've witnessed it numerous times, children who seem to know all the words to songs and will sing them loudly at inopportune times will not really even more their lips when they have to stand with their class and sing a song. So frustrating.

If the lack of the reward isn't enough, I'm not sure what else will work. I don't think coming down on her harshly will work because it could make her push back harder and be even more resistant, espeically at the age of 4 or thereabouts. So the only thing I can think of is to kind of make the whole repeating of it fun, more like a game where you say part of it and she says the rest and then you switch off. Maybe if she sees other children doing it, she will feel a sense of competition or something.

[LynnS6]

I'd let it go. I would read it to her nightly so she hears it, because it appears to be important for your church culture. You might try explaining to her why she's learning these verses.

I'd tell her that I know she can do it, and so she can choose to tell the teacher or not. I'd tell her that if she wants to practice saying it, I'll be happy to help her. If not, I'd just like her to listen to me say it.

I have a son who is very very much not a performer. He has to be very sure and he has to do things on his own time. Our church isn't into memorizing verses in that way, but if they were, I could guarantee you, he would never repeat it in front of the class. Even now at 6.5, I doubt he'd do it.

There isn't a way that you can make a child say something, so I would make this low key.

[Datura]

My usually outgoing little boy gets major stage fright. I wouldn't force it. Personally, I always hated being forced to memorize Bible verses. I associated it with fear of ridicule if I messed up rather than what it was supposed to be, a method of passing on spiritual tradition. If you're moving anyhow, it seems like its really not worth making an issue of, at least to me.

[Demeter9]

Would God really care that your 4 year old doesn't want to parrot Bible verse?

[Lingmom]

I'd absolutely let it go too. Assuming your goal is towards a healthy religious life... I'd definitely focus on making her early religious experiences fun and interesting and thoughtful. Unless she just happens to like memorizing things, I'd definitely let it go. It's probably not meaningful to her and sounds like it's causing both of you grief.

[amcal]

I'd let it go. And, I would talk to the teacher to make sure the teacher is aware that this is not an issue you are going to force and ask that the teacher not single your daughter out. My 4 yo is horrified when she has to talk in class. It really embarasses her so I've made it clear that she's not to be singled out unless she raises her hand and requests to participate.

Would God really care that your 4 year old doesn't want to parrot Bible verse?

This is not helpful and not the point. The OP isn't worried that her child is going to hell because she isn't repeating a verse. The issue could have been anything - practicing for a school play, working on sight words etc.... it just happened to be a memory verse that is part of a class.

[PiePie]

given the extremely young age, i would just let it go. absolutely no pressure to recite. not sure that there is any harm in YOUR reading it to her. check out jim trelease's read aloud handbook for ideas for making kids attend to being read to.

[lerlerler]

Just my 2 cents...
I HATED Hebrew school at almost that exact age because we had to get up and read in front of the whole class. ONE small mistake and I would cry and run out of the room... I never did end up learning that much even in the following 8 years or so because I was stuck with the memory of how I hated it,

I think your goal here is to ensure she LIKES bible study... to promote a lifelong learner - I'd just let it drop, and tell the teacher to ask "would you like to share today? No? OK"

[AllisonR]

I can't imagine a 4 yo enjoying memorizing anthing that someone else specifically wants them to memorize, be it scripture, multiplication tables or ABCs. Kids sometimes want to memorize something, but what that something is is up to them. Some kids want to sing abc song all day long, others want nothing to do with it. Forcing the issue will only make it totally unenjoyable for the child.

I really don't think this makes a child strong-willed, just because they are not doing what we want them to do, how and when we want it. My DS would never memorize something I asked him to, and he is the most laid-back casual kid in the world. According to just about everyone we know, except my own parents, who think he is strong-willed and stubborn, when everyone else, including me and DH, think he is just so easy and agreeable. It is a matter of perception.

[VBMama]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

I can't imagine a 4 yo enjoying memorizing anthing that someone else specifically wants them to memorize, be it scripture, multiplication tables or ABCs.

: If someone told me that this would be part of my 4yo's class or activity or whatever, I would just crack up and say "Good luck with that!" I'm not a church/bible study sort of person, so I don't know if that's a normal expectation for that environment, but I don't think any the 4yo's that we know would do particularly well at reciting on cue.

[wanderinggypsy]

In my estimation, that's a developmentally inappropriate activity for 4 year olds. I used to teach in a Christian, church based daycare/preschool. Kids that age enjoyed singing fun, faith based songs and hearing BRIEF, lively bible stories, but that was about it.

[laoxinat]

ITA, totally inappropriate to her age. At 4, even if I could have, or maybe especially if I could have, I would have refused just because I could. That's the nature of a four year old.

[amcal]

Just so you all are aware - this is very common in Christian bible schools and regular schools. The verses are not long - they are generally along the lines of "I am the light of the world" "Let Brotherly Love Continue" "Worship the Lord with gladness, come before him with joyful songs". Children are not asked to memorize paragraphs. Generally, it's one sentence or phrase that has been repeated multiple times, coloring sheets have been given with the phrase and it's been introduced in a variety of ways. You all are acting like it's some sort of kiddie boot camp. I don't think it's any different than teaching songs, ABCs, days of the week etc.... It's just a few word phrase or sentence that is completely age appropriate.

[annethcz]

My youngest DD is the same age as your DD. I wouldn't force the issue at all.

[phathui5]

My dd totally clams up when she's asked to say anything. She can memorize things and likes to share them when she wants to, but doesn't do well sharing what she knows when it wasn't her idea.

Just so I've said it, I think that younger kids are pretty good at memorization, especially if you put a tune to it or have them learn it to a beat.

[delphiniumpansy]

Yours is 6 mos younger than my older dd and I think mine is way to young to memorize anything on command. If she memorized something, I would be amazed. And mine is very, very verbal and smarter than the average child her age.

I do not think it is developmentally appropriate to expect a 4.5 year old to memorize bible passages. It would be much more appropriate for them to be read bible stories and then talk about the lessons and do a craft activity to extend it. That is why my child does in preschool. They talk about the main idea is all, not memorizing verses. Way too hard. So yours is acting up and talking gibberish because she is frustrated and cannot tell you otherwise.

[zeldamomma]

I would take her refusal as her way of saying that she is not ready to do this now. Even if this is a really typical thing for lots of 4 year olds, yours isn't up to it at the moment, whether it's because she's stressed over the move, or for whatever other reason. Since you don't care if she learns the verse, I'd drop it. If not learning the verse caused a problem at her Weds night class, I'd drop the class. At this age, how she feels about the class is more important than what she learns, IMO.

ZM

[PreggieUBA2C]

While I too would not force or coerce my dc to participate or memorise and recite anything in front of me or others- I think it's very disrepectful (imagine treating your spouse or your mother that way...)- I do think that this does evolve into a two-fold issue even if it began as just one.

Of course initially the issue is academic and could be universally applied to a play, poem, or song, but then because participating in this is more than academic (assumedly), as in the family lives a christian life, endeavouring to participate in a christian community and this is part of that, growing in understanding of God in their respective and collective relationship with Jesus, it is a bigger issue than the child not reciting Ibsen. If dc were emotionally seperated from the works of Ibsen and so never returned to them or grew up with a sad and distant recollection of the time when s/he felt forced/was humiliated into speaking his words and so loathed anything to do with him thereafter, it wouldn't have nearly the same impact as if the same thing happened in this instance. I personally find this sort of practice, if not individually initiated, to be alienating and a poor expression of what God's Word really is.

I am a believer, and because I live my relationship with my Lord and believe the words He spoke and inspired, I think to treat His word like a school textbook or a book of rules and neat sayings (which forced/expected memorisation and recitation seem to do) is useless and damaging at least to me. It might be to others as well, and I won't take that risk with my children. Our dc recite stories from the bible in their own words with conviction and the knowledge that this is real, like they would talk about a time we did something together or a story we've told them about our childhoods.

I really think the whole idea is not conducive to the child's relationship with God; I think it sets up a power-imbalanced relationship with the teacher, the students, and the parents and misses the assumedly intended point altogether. I think the role adults can take in this is simply to foster and support the child's desire and interest in God in the ways s/he needs according to what the child expresses; but that takes a lot more effort than Sunday school can afford- which is why I find it mostly useless and at best inert for young children. But I'm not very popular amongst my fellow christians... I'd only send my dc if I thought the 'class' was conducive to healthy social interaction

Sorry for the convolutions...

[onlyzombiecat]

I would probably let it go if you think she is trying to have some control in her life right now. You don't want to set up a power struggle with her.

When things settle down or she sees other kids doing it then she may want to do it on her own.

If you think she just needs practice saying it to be more confident in class then maybe she would like to play teacher and teach it to another child, pet, or toy.