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I snapped!!

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Today my ds was screaming for no reason. He was fed,change,wasnt in pain or anything. All he did was . Thank god my dh was home. I broke down and cried saying make him stop make him stop. So my dh put him in his packnplay and I threw a quilt over his face.. I know it was wrong so I called a ppd hotline and spoke to someone..I feel so stressed out. My dh stay home from work tonight so he can be with me. Why is mothering so hard?? I thought it would be easy u know just eat,sleep and poop. I do see a shrink but not until the 29th of September..I feel so bad throwing the quilt on him a little 5month old little boy who probably got scared... I am on zoloft 200mil and anti-axiety pill. Maybe my dose needs to be raised...thanks for listening:
post #2 of 15
Its okay. It could have been *way* worse. No real lasting harm is done, right? We all have these moments sometimes.

See if you can expediate the apt. with the pschiatrist. Or if you can, see a therapist in the meantime. And try to get some books about PPD. The one that helped me was called "This Isn't What I Expected," by Karen Kleiman.

The quilt represented your need to have a break from a screaming baby. Next time you feel so frustrated, put him in the crib and step outside your front door for 5 minutes. Take a timer with you so that you won't let it drag on to long. Breath fresh air deeply and get yourself together. Its not CIO -- its a sanity check. You won't be trying to train him or anything cruel like that, you will be protecting him from whatever might happen if you come to a breaking point.

Be gentle on yourself. Think ahead to the days that will come -- days when your sweet boy will laugh and play with blocks, and sit in a highchair, and run around. Think about all his "firsts" and all his special moments, and how important it is that you will be an integral part of all those moments -- he *needs* you -- and only *you.* These early months are HARD, no doubt -- but they are not forever.

post #3 of 15
How long have you been on the meds? Remember that it takes several weeks for them to fully take effect. Until then things could be dicy.

Make sure you have a good support system and someone who can take the baby when you feel yourself getting out of control. Hang in there, things will get better.
post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 

Thanks ladies

I have been on zoloft since my 3rd trimester. I did go to the book store to look for "This isnt what I expected" but I have to order it . I do have 2 other books that help me out one "The motherhood club"and "Mothering the new mother" the bookstore dont have that much on ppd. Its like the disease no one wants to talk about. My dh stayed home from work to be with me.. My husband has bipolar and my mom was wondering could andrew have it at 5months??? How do u check?? or is it to early to check..Now ds is I am still alitte bit stressed....
post #5 of 15
Its OK. We all get upset, angry and frustrated. Motherhood is portrayed to be tip toeing thru the tulips, and for some it might be, but for the rest of us, we are unpleasantly suprised when things are different. I'm not even PPD, but i have been where you are.

Hang in there.

Warmly, Lisa
post #6 of 15
Your hubby sunds like a great guy and dad.

I don't think you have to worry about the Bipolar thing with your baby yet. Some children can exhibit symptoms at a young age, but I don't know about that young. Sometimes those darn babies just cry for no dang reason. My first dd did that and I went over it many times. I went out the back door many times for a couple of minutes while she was in her crib.

to you, and this too shall pass. Hard to see now, but your darling baby boy is always growing!
post #7 of 15
Hey... I hope things are feeling calmer for you. I have so been there too! It is so hard when you react or overreact to your children. Then the guilt just feels worse. Please know that your little guy won't be affected and ask your hubby to give you a really nice hug. I've been having an end of my rope week here too. It is so hard.

Good luck.

post #8 of 15
How are you doing this week, mommy2andrew? Sometimes things just get so bad - the screaming always set me off, too. Can you take the baby for a walk when he's screaming? It doesn't seem so loud outside, LOL. I remember pushing the stroller with tears streaming down my face and people staring. Do you have a friend you could call when you feel that bad? Will feeding the baby help - bfing calmed me and dd down. I did let her CIO a couple times, I just couldn't handle it. Have you tried a sling or front pack? Something that helped me was to go on a daily walk to a nearby espresso stand for a decaf butterscoth mocha. The sunshine and exercise helped and dd liked getting out - she also fell asleep sometimes, bonus for me. Can you go for a car ride through a drive-thru about a 1/2 hr. away? I used to make up errands so we could get out.

We understand, mama.
post #9 of 15
Originally posted by Jish
Make sure you have a good support system and someone who can take the baby when you feel yourself getting out of control. Hang in there, things will get better.
What about those of us who don't? DH doesn't trust babysitters, and all our family is east of the Mississippi -- and we're in California. So far, I've been OK, but today, I actually shouted at the baby for fussing. What should I do next time?
post #10 of 15
Originally posted by Pookietooth
What about those of us who don't? DH doesn't trust babysitters, and all our family is east of the Mississippi -- and we're in California. So far, I've been OK, but today, I actually shouted at the baby for fussing. What should I do next time?
Hmm. Is there a LLL group around where you could meet some moms? A local playgroup? Are you feeling up to even looking? I know it took me a LONG time to even be able to pick up the phone, so these things may not be possible until you are able to make some calls. Do you have a friend you could call when the baby gets fussy? Just a "the baby is fussy I need just to feel sane for a minute" call. Are there any spiritual groups you are interested in? That is a good way to find a community. Can you put the baby in the sling/stroller? Can you scream in the laundry room while the baby cries on the bed? I did that a lot! Sometimes I hire a mother's helper (young teen) to play with the baby while I'm still in the house so I can get some stuff done but I'm still there.
post #11 of 15
I have no family near me at all either. I also had my first child shortly after moving to a new town and starting all over. I searched out groups where I could meet moms with children the same ages. The breastfeeding support group at our hospital turned out to be a lifesaver for me. Over the years I have met more than a dozen moms who I feel close to and know my situation (many share similar situations) and we are able and willing to care for one another's children if the need arise. We don't feel guilty, we all know that it is simply a part of parenting when you don't have family around, which is pretty much the norm nowadays.

I have one close friend who has been an absolute lifesaver. She was the one who took my kids that night that my dh took me to the hospital. She took them the days I was in there so that dh could go to work some hours and not fall too far behind. She is my ds2's godmother and the guardian of our kids if anything happens to us. Yes, I met her at the bfing support group.

I'm not unsympathetic to your situation, after all, I've been there, but we have two choices in this world. We can feel sorry for ourselves, or we can do what is best for us and our family and try to help ourselves. I have to tell you that most of the new moms who come to the bfing support group are simply dying to meet someone with a child their age and form a friendship. They are in a new situation and want company.

Parenting is hard. The glossy advertisements and glitzy magazines don't tell you that. It is so hard to deal with a colicky, screaming baby day after day (my first was AWFUL.) But with patience and support we get through, and many of us actually decide to have second and third (pick your number) children. Unfortunately, most people are to afraid to go up to people and take the first step at friendship, even though they desperately need one too. Sometimes we have to take the first step. Best of luck, and check out that local LLL meeting in your area, or go hang out at the library.
post #12 of 15
when i had my first child i used to walk for hours everyday so as not to have to be stuck in the house all day. i didn't have anyone who i could leave him with. now i have four children and still no one to leave them with...i just don't trust people with my kids. that's my own baggage. call friends, go for really long walks, sit on the steps and seriously give yourself time outs. they really help. make sure your little one is safe in a crib or something and sit outside or scream in the laundry room (that was a great one!!). all of these things reallt help if you can get motivated to do them. mothering is the hardest job ever, many folks don't realize that. i just started using a therapist over the phone. her name is jan hunt andi found her on the natural child website. she was very easy to tlk to and very quick with giving me an appointment time-same day. when you're stressed out the same day really help! your baby is not bipolar-babies just act that way! good luck and stay strong & try, as hard as it might be to differentiate between having an "episode" and just having a normal bad day. when you suffer from ppd or any kind of depression, that's hard to do...
post #13 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the tips. Taking him for a walk will not work. I live upstairs and the stroller ways a ton and he was a ton so one of them will fall. I do speak to a lady from ppd website she is a volunteer..Thanks again
post #14 of 15
I got permission from Jan to post her number. Here it is: 866-593-1547.
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 

Thanks Layla

thank you so much layla for the number. so far so good today, But I dont know if I took my pills. I took the "Pill" so we dont have a little one around here anytime soon. I can t scream in the laundry room cause its a apartment they may think I am going nuts.
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