DD has low self-esteem....need resource info..

[futbol mom]

I'm worried that our middle dd, who is 4 yrs., has low self-esteem. Her older brother is pretty confident and of cours her younger sister is very full of herself. Middle dd is quiet and seems to let her school mates walk all over her. I try to encourage her to speak up and tell her it's ok for her to do this. Anyway can someone direct me to some good books or videos. I would love to find some videos to watch with her. I remember hearing somewhere about some such videos, but have never been able to find anything.

Any info or input you may have would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your time!

Angela

[Piglet68]

moving this to the childhood years...

[Aaudreysmom]

I do have a suggestion for you. Growing up I had, and do still sometimes feel like I have low self esteem. I think that there is a connection between self esteem and how you are raised. To explain what I mean; In my family my mother had low self esteem. She was a SAHM who was not involved in any groups or activities outside of the home. She never encurged me or my brothers to join any groups or activities outside the home either. My brothers and I never participated in any school sprots or events growing up and really the three of us had low self esteem. I think these type of activities and groups such as girl scouts, sports, whatever the child is intrested in, are an important part of growing up.

Of course this is not a scientific fact (I don't think) and I have only surveyed friends and family but I hope this helps.

[siddie]

I'm with you Audreysmom, I really think kids get their self-esteem by feeling loved and sheltered in their family. My mom sounds a lot like your mom. She never ever joined a group herself and never got any of the kids involved into sports or any community rec activities. Once, I was signed up for brownies but she quit taking me because it was too far to drive and she said the uniform looked stupid anyway, girlscouts were cuter.
I have had similar issues with my family, and believe that kids need to get it as young children. Team sports and accomplishments can help build it too but feeling loved and being told you are great just because you are you by your parents is the best way. Starting at age 11 I had a horse and entered a lot of horse shows and other equestrian events but my parents never showed up so even when I won, it didn't really feel that good.

Can you spend some time with your daughter individually like a mom/daughter day out to lunch and shopping to get something special just for her? If her older brother is popular, ask him to help look out for her and include her in activities, big brothers can be great. Modeling as an adult can help too. For example, if you see your daughter being walked over by schoolmates, help her out a little to learn to say the right thing. "DD is climbing the ladder now, when she is done it will be your turn"... DD really doesn't want to lend her new bike right now, she just got it and wants to ride it some more" Also, helping kids to make friends is important. Lead a playgroup or volunteer to coach soccer so you can see who might be a good match as a friend and encourage them to join you all afterwards for pizza or whatever. Start a game of tag at the playground, bring bubbles or snacks for all the kids. I hope this helps, 4 is so young! One other thought, are her siblings treating her well at home? If siblings aren't nice to her, she may just expect to be treated badly.

You can search Amazon.com for books on raising girls or girls and self-esteem, they have a really large selection.

[futbol mom]

Thank you Audreysmom and Siddie. It looks like I am doing some things right. I have been playing soccer for over 18 yrs., so I do coach my ds and my dd's. My dd's are too young to play on a team right now, but both of them are always included when we are practicing around the house. DD is in dance, and we use to do playgroups, so I feel like she does have enough exposure to outside activities. I guess there is a little guilt inside me from when she was an infant. She didn't sleep at all (up every 45 min. to 1 1/2 hrs. until she was two). I weaned her at 15mo. hoping that that would help. It didn't, it only got worse. She wanted to nurse so bad!! I was miserable, she was miserable....Anyway instead of doing what my heart wanted me to do I listened to everyone else and held strong. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Also from the time my ds saw her, he hated her!. He was 3, and could not get past it. For the first month, he would not let me touch him. He hit me, kicked me, stapped me...he was angry. (He and I were very close). Obviously he has gotten past most of that, but I think he still hold on to some of that. I don't know if now if his resistance with her it's just out of habbit... if that makes any sence?? There are times that they will play and be laughing and having a ball, but then he will put her at a distance...I know it hurts her feeling, and I discuss it with both of them and I guess I just don't know how to handle it. My husband just thinks that dd is just shy. He said he was as a child. I don't know, maybe I'm just making a big deal out of this.

Anyway, thank you for your input, and more feedback is greatly appreceiated.

Angela