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Anyone wanna enjoy the drama in my life? *Update*  

post #1 of 14
1/20/08 at 1:52pm
Thread Starter 
I guess I'm looking into advice on what you guys would do in my situation...

I posted this a few months ago and it explains the whole situation:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...=784384&page=2

Well it's been how many months since that and still no email. FIL and I are on good terms because he's apologized for his inaction in the situation. I also came to find out that MIL didn't even tell him what was going on until the day she pulled all of this. If we had pressed charges my FIL would have lost his pention from the military (not something you want to lose!)

DH has come around with his thinking by leaps and bounds. His mother has been told she is not welcome to come see us or our son ever again unless she apologizes and admit she was wrong. I honestly don't see this happening but I can snuff his hope out. He's beginning to see his mom is mentally unstable and needs professional help.

She's leaving my FIL again for the 3rd time since I married DH (with no good reason the woman has everything she could want) and we've told him he needs to just divorce her. She says she doesn't believe in divorce because it's against the bible (which it is) but she doesn't want to be with him anymore. In my mind that reeks of "I don't want the responsibility of trying to be his wife, but I want him to support me and me to not have to lift a finger (which she's done for a good chunk of their marriage)" The woman has stolen (as far as one can when married) money from her husband without him knowing until DH was sitting down with FIL last time MIL left to help him with their finances and he found it missing and where it went to. So basically the woman is a manipulative, conniving, psychotic UA Violation.

My SIL is supposed to be coming down here for her spring break because I'll have just had the baby and she wants to see DS. We came to find out that MIL keeps talking about coming with her. Well of course I freaked out and DH did too! We told SIL she is more than welcome to come alone but that if MIL shows up with her SIL will be admitted into the house but MIL will be turned away in no uncertain terms. Period. I feel bad because SIL is stuck in the middle (she's 17) between wanting to obey her mother and make her happy, but wanting to spend time with us and make us happy too. We've told her that none of this is her fault or her doing and that she need not feel we are asking her to choose sides in the argument betwen MIL and us or MIL and FIL.

So basically I'm freaking that this woman is gonna show up at my doorstep and I'm gonna have to be hog tied not to attack her. Ugh! I should not have to be worrying about this kind of stuff!

Ok so this really is just a rant/vent to make me feel better Hopefully she'll stay far away because if she doesn't I have family in high places in the sheriff's dept.
post #2 of 14
1/20/08 at 2:28pm
OK, I had a vaguely similar situation with my former MIL; the first time I left my sons alone with my ex, who had moved back home after the separation, for the weekend, she turned into a drama queen. Got very hysterical about the fact that I needed to talk to her son, kept Isaac in her arms when he was screaming to get to me and eventually slapped me.
Now, nearly four years on, we can fake civility. I can recognise that in our circumstance, she was trying to protect her babies (and yes, grandsons are women's babies too) and saw that I was hurting him and that got in the way of doing the right thing. I also believe that she is a sociopathic cow, and I have a lot of support from the rest of the boys extended paternal family (HER ILs) and from my family, who met her, knew her, and really can't stand her.
In your shoes, I would do absolutely nothing. It is not down to you to send her an email explaining how hurt you feel- why the hell should you give her the gift of explaining to her exactly how she succeeded in making you feel like crap? It's not evidence for some kind of competence exam in being a crap MIL, ffs. I wouldn't respond to the fact that she's muttering about coming down to see the new baby, and I wouldn't respond to anything else. Just be silent, and still, and calm, and graceful. Oh, and if she turns up on your doorstep then deal with that situation as it arises. Flowers and a wholehearted apology is different from a "where's my little man?" and expecting to have her tea made for her.
post #3 of 14
1/20/08 at 2:38pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
OK, I had a vaguely similar situation with my former MIL; the first time I left my sons alone with my ex, who had moved back home after the separation, for the weekend, she turned into a drama queen. Got very hysterical about the fact that I needed to talk to her son, kept Isaac in her arms when he was screaming to get to me and eventually slapped me.
Now, nearly four years on, we can fake civility. I can recognise that in our circumstance, she was trying to protect her babies (and yes, grandsons are women's babies too) and saw that I was hurting him and that got in the way of doing the right thing. I also believe that she is a sociopathic cow, and I have a lot of support from the rest of the boys extended paternal family (HER ILs) and from my family, who met her, knew her, and really can't stand her.
In your shoes, I would do absolutely nothing. It is not down to you to send her an email explaining how hurt you feel- why the hell should you give her the gift of explaining to her exactly how she succeeded in making you feel like crap? It's not evidence for some kind of competence exam in being a crap MIL, ffs. I wouldn't respond to the fact that she's muttering about coming down to see the new baby, and I wouldn't respond to anything else. Just be silent, and still, and calm, and graceful. Oh, and if she turns up on your doorstep then deal with that situation as it arises. Flowers and a wholehearted apology is different from a "where's my little man?" and expecting to have her tea made for her.
The email thing has already occured. I sent one because DH was begging me to. I did it for him and for no other reason and I'm glad I did because now MIL has no legs to stand on. DH has seen her true colors by her lack of interest in replying back.
post #4 of 14
1/20/08 at 3:12pm
. .
post #5 of 14
1/20/08 at 6:37pm
Good golly! I think you have the grace of a princess! Your MIL does not. If anyone were to have the title of White Trash, it would be her.

I feel badly for your SIL, I hope she can make it to come and see you and your children, and I hope that she gushes how amazing they are to your MIL and make her feel like slime for all of the horribleness she's caused.
post #6 of 14
1/20/08 at 7:47pm


I would have my husband call his mother and say, basically, "if you want to come and visit, the time to make amends is right now - because we will not be available for a long discussion for a few months after the baby comes, and we can't let you into our home until that discussion happens. So... now or in a year, mom."

But I think YOU have done all you can.
post #7 of 14
1/20/08 at 9:13pm
You were right in your first discussion of all of this. Forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. It aslo does not mean having to carry on a relationship - in ANY terms - with someone who is constantly manipulative and hurtful. I would personally cut all ties with her. You have said your piece and she has done nothing to make amends - period. You shouldn't feel the need to say jack about it anymore or talk to her anymore. The ball is in her court so leave it there. It seems as if FIL and SIL are happy enough to be speaking with you both despite the situation with MIL. I would continue your relationship with both of them and until you hear an apology and addmission of responsibility in the attempted kidnapping of your child, I would have NOTHING to do with MIL.
post #8 of 14
1/26/08 at 7:53pm
Thread Starter 
Long story short she will NEVER be welcome near myself or my children. She finally emailed us back and I won't have anything to do with her ever again. I will be getting a restraining order if it is at all possible.


Now I just need to calm down and breathe before I send myself into labor....
post #9 of 14
1/26/08 at 8:14pm
personally, I wouldn't let anyone from your h's family into your home or around your children. What's to say she's not got sil on her side, perhaps even taking pics with her cell phone or something if she stays with you?


sorry, didn't realize this was in your ddc. Just saw that you were updating the situation in new posts
post #10 of 14
1/26/08 at 10:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Austin View Post
Long story short she will NEVER be welcome near myself or my children. She finally emailed us back and I won't have anything to do with her ever again. I will be getting a restraining order if it is at all possible.


Now I just need to calm down and breathe before I send myself into labor....


I am sorry you are going through such crap. I totally can relate to your situation though as I have had my own drama with my ex parents (egg and sperm donor). The first thing I was thinking is...uh oh, you are going to get sued for grandparent visitation, but then I saw that thankfully you are in Florida where it has been ruled unconstitutional!!

Good luck and try not to let it weigh too heavy on your mind. Much easier said than done I know. We are scheduled for a deposition hearing with the evils on our life on 2/19, for their 3rd lawsuit against my husband and me, I will not be going unless the police come and drag me to it!
post #11 of 14
1/26/08 at 11:06pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaitnbugsmom View Post
personally, I wouldn't let anyone from your h's family into your home or around your children. What's to say she's not got sil on her side, perhaps even taking pics with her cell phone or something if she stays with you?


sorry, didn't realize this was in your ddc. Just saw that you were updating the situation in new posts
Not a problem momma SIL will not be coming to visit. After finding out she's been relaying what we've told her about DS to MIL (probably innocently as she doesn't see the monster her mother is yet at 17) I can't take the chance of her coming here and the drama it will bring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2-3 View Post
I am sorry you are going through such crap. I totally can relate to your situation though as I have had my own drama with my ex parents (egg and sperm donor). The first thing I was thinking is...uh oh, you are going to get sued for grandparent visitation, but then I saw that thankfully you are in Florida where it has been ruled unconstitutional!!

Good luck and try not to let it weigh too heavy on your mind. Much easier said than done I know. We are scheduled for a deposition hearing with the evils on our life on 2/19, for their 3rd lawsuit against my husband and me, I will not be going unless the police come and drag me to it!
To you. I can't even imagine having to fight for my right as a parent to deny access to my children to people that have no right to them. It boggles the mind... I hope everything goes well at your court date!

Now that I've calmed down I feel much better at articulating the situation. Basically she refused to apologize because she didn't think that she had done anything wrong. She tried to throw out a "sorry you feel that way" but it was weak at best. She managed to spend the entire email bashing me and my DH with lies and half truths about how we raise our son.

All I have to say is does he look like he's suffering?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...00_3886_00.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...s/100_3829.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...s/100_3893.jpg
post #12 of 14
1/27/08 at 1:13am
She sounds completely toxic and most likely mentally ill. You are making the right decision by keeping your children away from her. I read your original post, she basically kidnapped your son by refusing to return him. What is even scarier IMO is she believes she did nothing wrong.
post #13 of 14
1/27/08 at 2:15am
Good for you! (I'm one of those people who would much rather see a post about a toxic person cut out of a child's life than the fourth or fifth post from the same poster about the same toxic person and their latest antics.)

I'll bet your life will be MUCH less stressful. (I've been there, done that, and am SO much happier as a result.) So good for you!!!
post #14 of 14
1/27/08 at 8:31am
Thread Starter 
Thanks ladies

She really is a toxic person...It's sad really. I saw signs of it when we first got married (she tried to control DH and I's decision of when to get married) and should have known she had a vendetta against me personally the day she freaked at my husband because I wasn't a virgin when we married (yes you read that right.) As if it were any of her business in the first place, DH and I had talked about all that long before we got married and I almost refused to marry him on that grounds (I had a lot of self esteem issues over that situation it was one guy...was swept away by words and then tossed by the way side) but he refused to let me ruin our happiness over something that didn't matter to him (he was a virgin when we married.) Its now a non issue. She has called my family (myself included) white trash and basically beneath her because they don't make 6 figures a year and get to buy a new house whenever the fancy strikes them. My parents have their problems, but I can tell you what if we are white trash then I wouldn't want to be any other way! To me that just means we are a loving, caring, happy family who lives a life within our means and gets by the best we can. We don't (as my DH put it) sit on our 6 figure high horse that was bought and paid for by someone else (my FIL) condemning people for not living life to our expectations and standards. My FIL btw is in no way in agreeance with her or what she's done. They've seperated and he's finally seeing how much of "their" problems aren't his. I'm thankful (for his sake) for that.

DH is in process of writing her back and letting her know that she is no longer welcome in our lives period. She will not be getting pictures or any information on our children (present and future) as far as we can help it. All of our dealings with the family will be with FIL and not her. If she attempts to show up at our door she will have the cops called on her and they will escort her away (nice to have my white trash family in high places around here.)

Ok I feel better this morning having gotten that out. I've had a rotten morning that includes an exploding pull up and limited bed linens to replace wet/dirty ones. *sigh*
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