Why is discretion such a hot topic?--Update#127 (pg 7) - Page 8

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Ziggysmama

PS i LOVE that pic of Maggie Gylenhaal feeding her baby in the park, thanks for posting it.

But wait! There's more:

http://www.popcrunch.com/maggie-gyll...ing-in-public/

[captivatedlife]

You do seem to have thought about a lot and found a few new reasons to be a little more un-judgemental.

So have I.

In the last month, I've become less judgemental about what I think is odd. Unrelated to lactivism (well, formula feeding because it is just as good, gets me, but so do parents I'm passing who don't soothe their crying babies, yk)

I just learned to take a deep breath and say - hey, I don't know their situation.(I.e - inapropriate dr's advice or bad information from people telling them to let them cry or whatever). They have to love their little one just as much as I love my little E. I'm sure there are things I'm doing that I'll look back in in dislike - I did THAT???

I can go on and on, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a learning process. This letting others be "wrong" - for lack of a better word. I know I'm going to get flamed for that - so I'll just say they aren't RIGHT in my head - but I defer to the fact that they love their little one just as much as I love my little E. And so on. It's not always easy, but my right may not be their right-or they may not have access to that right, if that makes any sense at all.

[Da WIC Lady]

Originally Posted by purple_kangaroo

I just don't get it about breasts. I mean, there are a lot of things that are not wrong, shameful or sexual in our culture that we just don't show publicly.

I could list off tons of them, all of which everyone would say are bad comparisons (because, I mean, even comparing wearing a shirt that shows some breast while not nursing to showing some breast while nursing was deemed offensive on this thread), so I won't. Suffice it to say that hiding something or trying to do it where other people don't have to get a good long look at it doesn't necessarily mean we think it's wrong or shameful or sexual.

I know others have kinda jumped on this, but here are some things I tend to do in private/alone that are not sexual or wrong or shameful.

1. Applying makeup
2. Changing clothes
3. Bathing
4. Meditation
5. Cleaning house (though my mother would call my house shameful and say I need more alone time )

I'm sure that others can think of more things that they don't do in public or in front of others that have nothing to do with excretion.

Not that any of these have anything to do with eating or feeding a baby...

Anna

[beatee]

This is a very interesting thread (although I haven't read every single post yet!)
The only comment that I would like to add regarding discretion, that didn't ever occur to me as a very pro-breastfeeding mama before I had my baby and child less friends started talking to me about all things BF related, is the potential that very undiscreet breastfeeding has to put off others from breastfeeding at all. Some of my friends mentioned to me that there was no way that they would ever breastfeed because you have to expose huge amounts of breast in public, based on what they had seen of people breastfeeding before (although, to be quite honest, I have never seen anyone breastfeed in what I would call an indiscreet fashion-but then most people in my area don't breastfeed at all). For at least 3 of my friends (childless, in their early 20s), this was the main reason that they would not breastfeed their potential future babies. However, all of them were quite impressed at how discreetly I am able to nurse my daughter-they had honestly previously believed that it wasn't possible without a whole boob on display. Hopefully it will lead to them reconsidering how they might feed their children in the future.
Obviously, I recognise that for some people discretion is impossible, and i also recognise that it shouldn't be the responsibility of every nursing mother to be the poster child for discreet nursing. And, of course, I thinkt hat what we actually need is a complete paradigm shift so that boob exposure doesn't upset people to the point where they wouldn't breastfeed just to make sure it doesn't happen, BUT in the short term, as someone who is blessed with fairly easy nursing and breasts that allow discretion, I am glad that I can show potential nursing mamas who are uncomfortable with it that you don't have to 'expose yourself' to feed your child in public. For me, that is a more productively lactivist act than showing more boob than I need just to make a point (which I highly doubt anyone really does).
I do hope that makes sense, it's just something that I found really interesting, particularly as someone who has never had any real issues with showing their body, just to consider it from the point of view of other future mamas who may feel differently.

[forthebest]

When I was about 12 a family we knew, well I knew the ladies dc from school and her eldest son used to stay at ours so he could see his girlfriend who lived nearby. His mom had about 7 kids I think and seemed to be on her own most time and they were that bit different. Well my foster mother was a complete nut as far as I'm concerned but she seemed absolutely fine with me going into the moms room( at the moms request to help a bit) and witnessing probably the best thing I've ever seen, this wonderful lady feeding her twins with her very ample breasts and her beautiful long blonde hair, throned and looking like the goddess on the bed in the guest room! I can tell you, from that moment on, I kid you not, I was determined I would do that one day, it left such an impression on me! Foster mother got a bit cranky and prudish but she really surprised me that day, I also witnessed foster mothers daughter bf her babies, it was very relaxed in that way there I'm happy to remember. Now if I never saw women bfding or I was very young with a parent who felt boobs were too sexual to tolerate communicating about to a child even in their primary function of feeding babes I don't think I would be excited about bfding by the time I was an adult and feeding my own babe, I may even be too uptight to attempt it myself and be intolerant of other moms who did it. I think the whole thing about being 'discrete' is bs, I have never seen a woman nip and exposing herself in a way totally unrelated to her breastfeeding but then I don't see many nip anyway. Wonder why not?? What just knocks me out with frustration is the hypocrisy involved. There are boobs and butts EVERYWHERE and no-one turns a blind eye, there can't be that many children who are not exposed to womens bodies as product. My youngest is a boy and he is 9 and just recently he said to me 'I wish I'd had a wee brother/sister(make that brother he's a boy living with 3 females with no male present)it would be nice to see baby feeding, bah thats not fair, me being the youngest, boohoo' He's hankered over a younger sibling at times but never for this specific reason. So if anyone actually thinks they are doing their children a service by removing them from an area where a woman is bfding then I think it's time to connect those dots! It's sexist, demeaning, damaging and counter-productive to get on ones high horse regards women bfding. As another poster said on another thread it's nothing to do with the amount or lack of boob showing, it is the 'act' of breastfeeding itself that people are offended,uncomfortable,fearful,jealous,whatever of. A breast is an integral part of the breastfeeding whole, to demand or suggest removal of said breast is just plain desperate. I would not tolerate being treated like that tho of course I have been but not nearly to the extent that women here have been, I'm heartened to know women are standing up for their and their family's rites. Maybe the anti-bfding movement is a kinda witch-hunt mentality for modern times. Shame on us.