postpartum and sex

[paranoidprego]

i am 5 1/2 weeks postpartum. I delivered a breech baby vaginally and unfortunately had an episiotomy (i think it was a 3rd degree, i have no idea). I was supposed to have my postpartum visit with the MW today, but i thought it was tomorrow and missed it. Now they rescheduled my appt. in a whole month! I was really hoping to get the OK for being able to have relations with my hubby. I have had bleeding on and off and now i had a little bit of brown discharge yesterday and today (always on days that i stupidly pick up something heavy). but no real bleeding in about 5 days.

this is probably tmi... but when i am in the shower and wash the incision site it is the tiniest bit sore. it is never sore at any other time.
so now i don't know how long i should wait. i don't think either of us will be able to wait another month. anybody have any advice? should i call the MW and talk to a nurse? i don't know if I can hold my husband off too much longer especially when i am practically topless every day nursing my little guy 24/7.

thanks in advance!

[AlpineMama]

We dtd, I forget, but about 3 weeks pp I think. It did hurt, even though I didn't tear. It hurt for about a month actually (not that we did it every night, maybe 2-3X a week). I can't imagine how much it would hurt with an episiotomy, but that's up for you to judge, obviously. I would get non-irritating lube and take it very slowly. The main sign I guess is to have the bleeding stop. Other than that... I would just go ahead and try. It can't hurt to try, right? (Oh wait, yes it can... in which case stop! )

[dogmom327]

I'd say wait until you no longer have pain at the cite of the incision. You don't want to aggravate it or set back any healing. I tore (several places) and it took maybe 6 or 7 weeks to heal (and I think tears heal faster than cuts) but I'm sure that varies greatly by person. Unfortunately I simply had a lot of pain when dtd until about 4 mo. PP and frankly it still only feels okay in certain positions. We tried at 7 weeks and failed and didn't try again until maybe 10 weeks because of the mental trauma caused by the 7 week attempt. I guess I'm just trying to say...don't rush it. Maybe you can figure something else out to keep DP happy

[danotoyou2]

I'm with dogmom327... don't rush it. You want the first time post-partum to be good, because a painful dtd can set you back.

I think we were about 8 weeks before we dtd. I waited until the spot where I tore wasn't at all sore... and even then, sex was uncomfortable.

If you decide to do it, lots and lots of foreplay and lube. Having an orgasm before intercourse helps a lot, too. It seems to 'open things up' and take away any tension that can contribute to pain.

And don't let DH rush you! You had a baby, a BREECH baby, and you shouldn't be expected to make a miraculous recovery. Men forget that sometimes, and need reminding (mine needed reminding on a daily basis!).

[Roxswood]

Well we first dtd at 10days pp, it was uncomfortable and we stopped but a week later it was fine.
I don't think it really matters getting permission from doctors though, we certainly didn't, we just went with what felt right for me. I only had a 2nd degree tear though that had been left unstitched.

TBH though sex was slightly uncomfortable in some positions for almost a year afterwards but has been fine *excellent even* since then.

[kltroy]

I'd say do what's comfortable - you can give it a shot even without your MW's "OK" but take it slow and be prepared to say "um... never mind let's do something else" if you need to Fortunately, there are lots of other fun things that can fill that need, if you get a little creative. Honestly, things didn't feel normal for me until nearly 9 months pp, but that was completely related to breastfeeding and hormonal changes - I didn't even have a vaginal birth!

[queenjulie]

Originally Posted by danotoyou2

Having an orgasm before intercourse helps a lot, too. It seems to 'open things up' and take away any tension that can contribute to pain.

I vote for that! DH was very nervous about hurting me, so we waited the full 6 weeks before having sex, even though I was ready after only about two weeks. But I started masturbating at just a couple of weeks postpartum, and knowing that I could still have perfectly normal orgasms and that everything seemed to be just as it was before the birth made us both more confident and more relaxed when we finally got around to actually having sex.

[Elijahs Momma]

I agree with waiting until the soreness goes away. We waited until we thought I was done bleeding (b/c it went away for a day or so) but then it came back and then we just waited until the bleeding stopped for sure. Our midwife said it would be better to wait until the bleeding stops. (I wanted to anyways, the whole bleeding thing grosses me out!)

[hapersmion]

I agree with the PPs that you don't really need anyone's permission to have sex, heh. You can decide that for yourselves.

You mentioned being sore in the shower - could it be that washing with soap is irritating your episiotomy site?

[mamabadger]

One problem I have with the postpartum sex guides given out by hospitals and such is that they focus completely on intercourse. I assume other varieties of sex would make you and your DH happy without being an issue as far as safety or comfort, and would not require an "okay" from your midwife.

[kerikadi]

I'm not one to wait for someone elses permission before I have sex.
My MWs take was that I could have sex whenever I wanted to.
We were back at it 3 weeks pp with the last 2 and 4 weeks pp with the one before that.

I say try some digital exploration and if that goes well give it a try but make sure you let your DP/DH know that he may have to stop and finish a different way

[mwherbs]

do what feels comfortable for you-- I would suggest that you find a position where you avoid as much friction as possible on the area that is healing- go slow enough for you and be sure to have some lube on hand--

[cchrissyy]

On one hand, I agree, no need ot rush. if it still hurts you, don't get back to sex to osoon!

On the other hand, you don't need anybody's permission to do it. some people (ah hem...) don't even wait 2 weeks, much less 6, becuase they feel truly up to it. And some people the doctor says look OK but actually they feel pain or fear for months afterward.

It's up to YOU. just go slow.

[Bibicaffe]

I've had 3 vaginal births. 1 episiotomy with my first, and some wicked skids with my recent posterior baby. Sex is different each time. Just try, if it hurts really bad, stop, if it hurts a little, change positions and see if it helps or not. And know that eventually it will all get better. After my third birth, um "doggystyle" sex hurt for over a year, but all else was fine. After my second birth, being on top was very painful for my cervix for a LONG time, but it got better too. It just varies so much from body to birth. Your midwife will most likely say you're fine to go. But that means nothing. You guys just need to try. And you need to let your hubby understand that you may very well want to stop anywhere from right away to twenty minutes in. It's all touch and go. I can't believe I just said that! I guess one way to look at it is like when we lost our virginity, it hurt, and we would shift ourselves a bit, and it got better for some of us, and not for others. Tell, him to go slow, if it hurts, perhaps try not really moving, but adjusting to him again after the birth, etc. etc. YKWIM? Good luck. Just be honest, and you're all set.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by danotoyou2

I'm with dogmom327... don't rush it. You want the first time post-partum to be good, because a painful dtd can set you back.

Yep. I'm 2 months PP and still a tiny bit sore, and I'm not willing to rush it (I've had pelvic pain in the past - no fun). I had a small labial tear which is probably what still hurts.

[Greenmama2AJ]

I had a 3rd degree tear - lots of stitches. I personally waited 6 weeks but it didn't feel "right" for probably 12 weeks or so.
Dont rush it. A 3rd degree tear means you will have internal stitches and tearing / a cut close to your bowel (without actually tearing the muscle to your sphincter).
There are lots of ways to enjoy each other. Give it time - you will have sex again, I promise