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Losing my child

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 
I posted previously in Health & Healing (if I remember correctly) about my parents taking my DC from me. To recap: I'm a single mother living with my parents and my 2 year old DC. They called CPS on me, to hurt me (my mother has a history of physical and mental abuse, particularly vindictive nasty things), and clearly lied to the worker (because there is no other reason for it) and now I don't have custody of my DC for about another 9 months (it was for a year minimum) - that would be assuming I do everything they say. This was despite the fact that I did everything the caseworker originally asked me to do. I called my best friend who advised me to get my senses together and fight it instead of giving up. I found out that the court date to make the custody transfer official was one of two days (apparently they didn't need me there because I signed papers - which I signed because I thought I had no choice), so I called the caseworker every day until then. She never returned my phone calls - I still have not seen her or heard from her since. My family continues to treat me as if I am some horrible, abusive person (making sure the door to my room is open if DC is in here, not letting DC sleep with me, tonight I had to argue for 5 minutes before my father let me take DC into the store alone)....they KNOW I'm not abusive, and they don't care. They're just abusing me instead. The irony of this is that my own mother was/is physically abusive (occasionally) and regularly emotionally abusive. And on top of that, they're not only feeding DC cow's milk products (we are vegan), but tonight they gave him the veggies out of a beef veggie stew claiming that it's okay because it's "just the veggies" - as if all traces of beef disappear or something. I have no idea what other meat products my child is getting. They are also disposable diapering DC - despite the fact that I wash the cloth ones and have them there and fresh, etc. They told me, when the caseworker first told me about the custody transfer, that my parental decisions would be respected. Apparently they were lying (or just decided not to stick with it). I'm scared to find out if DC has been vaccinated at all...I honestly don't even know if they'd do that behind my back or not.

This whole situation makes me sick, and makes me want to give up. As it stands, I'm moving out of this house as soon as I have the money together. I'm moving out without my DC...because I have no choice. At this point it's save my own sanity and see my DC a little bit less, or just plain go crazy and be abused continuously every day.

Part of me wants to move with my best friend to where she lives (halfway across the country) and start over new, and pretend I just don't have a child. It's going to be hard enough explaining to friends why my DC doesn't live with me. Only two of my friends know the situation...and it took me several months to even open up to them.

I'm just lost, and had to get this out. I'm about ready to give up, start over and hope to numb myself to my child so it doesn't hurt as much. I'm losing him anyways.

ETA: I'm pretty furious right now. My dad just came in with DC to give me night night kisses (which they only do about 3 out of 5 times - the rest they bypass me and don't even tell me they're putting him to bed) and I told him to f off, that it didn't matter anyways since DC's not mine anymore and he told me not to act like that, for DC's sake. I admit, I shouldn't have done that to DC, but where does he get the idea that I can't do that, when he can steal my child from me and not think about what it's doing to DC?
post #2 of 45
Oh my goodness, mama!!! I'm so sorry! I don't even know what to say other than I'm sorry and will be praying for you and your DC!
post #3 of 45
Thread Starter 
thank you so much, it really means a lot that other people care.
post #4 of 45
Please don't give up, your baby needs you. It's hard, but you have to believe that the truth will come out and these toxic people will not prevail. Do you have a lawyer? You need someone on your side to help you fight for your dc. I wish I had better advice, but I couldn't read and not post.
post #5 of 45
Thread Starter 
I don't even know where to begin to fight this. I can't afford a lawyer, don't know if I can or how to obtain a free one, who to call in the first place. I'm stuck, and just don't know. And right now it feels like it doesn't matter what I do, that it'll never work. It's felt like that since the custody thing after I did do what they said.
post #6 of 45
Thread Starter 
Not to mention, DC's nursing has cut down considerably, and I'm almost positive moving out will cause DC to wean completely (something that I'm sure would not happen if we were together). That breaks my heart too, on top of everything else.
post #7 of 45
This sounds just awful and I am so sorry you are going through this.
I would agree that you should not give up. Your child needs to know that you fought for him and never gave up. I believe this will matter to him someday.
Do you have resources for a lawyer? At least a consultation so you can get a game plan? Here is my 2 cents, for what it's worth:
I wouldn't move across the country no matter how tempting it is. I would get whatever you can afford as close to your DC as possible. At a minimum you should be allowed supervised visitation. That shouldn't have to be your parents. It should be able to be a court-assigned person. Get your own life together and your own place, even if it's just a small room somewhere but it's yours. Be the person you want to be and the role model you want for your DC. See your DC every single chance you get and ignore your parents if you have to when they are present. Just be distant and pleasant but don't let them win by reacting to them. Your child needs to know over and over how important he is to you. Focus your energy on him. You can always come here or call a friend later to vent about your parents. Do whatever you have to do to meet the requirements to have your DC back in the 9 months and be ready to fight if you have to.
Try to let the diapers and meat and stuff go for now. I agree that it is incredibly disrespectful. But you can't control it, so focus on what you CAN control and know that once you have your DC back you will be able to raise him with your values and choices.
Good luck.
Don't mean to sound preachy... and I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you and your DC.
Take care.
ps Just saw your last 2 posts: I think you can find links to free legal aid online... try googling. Or maybe someone here will know.
post #8 of 45
Very sorry sweety. You must get a video camera, the smallest one you can afford, hide it in the house in different places, in your dear son's room, in the kitchen, in many places.

If you find that your parents are being abusive to him (aka have proof) take it to the nearest attorney, or to DHS. Show them what is happening.

Put the camera in your room too, so that when your dear child comes to your room, anyone can see what is your parents response.

Lastly, please do get a job if you don't have one. Rent a small apartment where you can go to if you need to do so. Also, perhaps they will let you take ds there sometimes (especially when it is convenient to them).

Show your case worker and the judge that you can stand up and care for yourself, that you can feed your son (even with the help of food stamps).

Take beautiful photos of your son and hang them in your apartmenet, so when you are there you can see him every moment.

If you ever had a history of drugs or alcohol, or depression, get help, attend weekly, monthly meetings to get support. Help other people.

See a doctor (hopefully one not connected to this case) and get a physical.

Build a case showing that you can be responsible and care for your child long term.

When the time comes to go to court, you will have something better to show than your parents complaining against you for munching off of them, or not cleaning your room. The judge will give your son back. And while I agree you need an attorney, it is very expensive. Get a job to pay for this.

Pray that your son will be okay until you have your day in court.

HUGS!
post #9 of 45
PS...

While your parents aren't being kind to you, I am so glad that your son is not in foster care where you could not see him every day. That would be awful.

Do your work, do your best. hugs!
post #10 of 45
OMG, your situation is terrible! How could your parents do that to you? You might want to read more at some of these websites:

Please look at this one first!



http://www.squidoo.com/fightcps



http://familyrightsassociation.com/info/help/index.html

I hope these help...please don't give up on your DC, your baby needs you, and you do need to get away from your parents. I can't imagine what you are going through...
post #11 of 45
Please tell me where you are so I can help you. PM me an e-mail. Iam a case manager who works with kids and CPS and know some "tricks" and "loopholes". I am so sorry, Mama. We are here and we will help.
post #12 of 45
I'm sorry. It seems like you and your child are in a very tough spot. I'm just not understanding, though. Are you living with them? But your parents are doing the parenting? I think I'm missing something.
post #13 of 45
Sending you hugs and prayers for you and your dc. I hope, somehow, the situation is clarified and you regain custody of your child.

M
post #14 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
I'm sorry. It seems like you and your child are in a very tough spot. I'm just not understanding, though. Are you living with them? But your parents are doing the parenting? I think I'm missing something.
I'm living with them, and they won't let me do the parenting, thanks to the screwed up custody situation I don't have the legal option to parent my child without their "permission."
post #15 of 45
Thread Starter 
Thanks to all, it REALLY helps that people are understanding and caring. I'm going to do some more looking into it tomorrow and see what can be done. Thank you again.
post #16 of 45
Wow, your situation sounds so hard. Try to be kind to yourself as much as you can. I hope that some of the other moms here can help you out with advise like they've helped me.
post #17 of 45
I don't have any answers, just sending you hugs and hope.

hang in there, mama.
post #18 of 45
First Momma, , I am so glad you posted here, these women have a wealth of knowledge and we will all help you as much as we can. I am so very sorry this is happening to you and your ds. I have no experience with CPS so I cannot help at all with that. I just wanted to sent you strength and ask that you continue to fight for your ds.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MyHeartInOz View Post
I'm living with them, and they won't let me do the parenting, thanks to the screwed up custody situation I don't have the legal option to parent my child without their "permission."
Can you clarify what the actual custody is? I may have missed it, if I did I apologize.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyHeartInOz View Post
Thanks to all, it REALLY helps that people are understanding and caring. I'm going to do some more looking into it tomorrow and see what can be done. Thank you again.
Please follow up with the mommas who have offered you help, and please keep us posted.
post #19 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post
Can you clarify what the actual custody is? I may have missed it, if I did I apologize.
Temporary custody, for a minimum of a year. I was told that I was "lucky" to be allowed to even live in the same house as DC. I don't get it.
post #20 of 45
I hope you're able to get custody of your little one soon.
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