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S/O: Anon poll about your kids being gay - Page 8

Poll Results: How would you feel if your kids grow up to be gay?

 
  • 6% (49)
    Thrilled--more gay is more better.
  • 62% (492)
    Nonplussed--as long as they're happy, I'm good.
  • 16% (132)
    Okay--I'd rather they were straight, but whatever.
  • 10% (82)
    Disappointed--I think being gay is wrong and I don't want that for my kids.
  • 0% (4)
    Angry--I'm so appalled by considering it that I can't imagine what I'd feel.
  • 3% (24)
    Other, please explain
783 Total Votes  
post #141 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by frog View Post
Not in the American vernacular. See the beginning of the thread for the discussion about meaning of the word. Thank you.

Um....you mean, as in "Americans dont know the definition of "nonplussed"..."??? Because the word means what it means. People often think it means something different (i know i did when i first saw it), because its kinda counterintuitive (with that 'non' in there)...but it doesnt mean something different. Every definition at "Dictionary.com" is a variation of "perplexed, bewildered"...Merriam-Webster online dictionary, same thing. In fact, i checked a dozen online dictionaries...the *only* reference i could find to "American vernacular" was in Wiktionary, saying that the word has come to mean "unimpressed" in American language usage, though its not correct and not often used in this way....so it would still not be the correct definition, using that one, for this poll.

Oh, i found this on the online Urban Dictionary:

1. nonplussed 19 up, 2 down

Often misused as meaning unfazed, but actually means bewildered.

English majors are nonplussed about how "nonplussed" has, over time, become so misused.



I think maybe you meant it to be "unconcerned"? Sorry, it just bugs me to use improper grammer/definitions/word usage even when its been pointed out its wrong...a lady on an email list i'm on kept writing "nefew" instead of "nephew", it kept getting repeated in the subject line over and over, and she defended her usage when someone pointed it out, saying thats just how she always wrote it. It drove me freakin' crazy.

I'm just sayin'.

I would be nonplussed if my kid turned out to be a Republican. I would be unbothered to find out he's gay.


Katherine
post #142 of 230
Thread Starter 
Katherine, I really don't have the energy or interest to debate this with you. I've explained the meaning already in the thread.

I can't edit the poll. If you want to start a thread with the same poll and your own words, have at it.
post #143 of 230
Can we stick to the topic and not debate grammatical stuff?
post #144 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by frog View Post
Being gay doesn't preclude that, either.
As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.
post #145 of 230
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by savithny View Post
As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.
You're preachin' to the choir. We're about to move onto attempt #7 using frozen donor sperm.
post #146 of 230
I put "as long as they're happy" - except I'd want to add that it would make *me* happier if they still wanted to have kids!!! I really, really want grandkids. I don't care who their partner is, except I'd like them to find someone who wants a family LOL
peace,
robyn
post #147 of 230
I'll be honest and say I voted "ok, but I would rather they be straight" and that is because that is what I am and I feel I would have a much harder time understanding them and relating to them if they were gay. But I definitely would want them to be happy and wouldn't feel any less love or pride or whatever in them, but I will admit I think it would be easier on me. Because I do know a few gay couples and I can definitely see that they love each other the same way my DH and I love each other, but I don't understand same-sex attraction at the gut level because I haven't experienced it. Dunno if that makes sense or not.
post #148 of 230
I'd be a little dissapointed but not because I think it's wrong. Mostly because I had "images" of her life as an adult, and it includes a tall handsome man with a medical background. (O.K, I'm exaggerating a bit)

I do think it's hard and confusing for young people who are gay, and I of course want my child to sail through life with no issues at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
I put "as long as they're happy" - except I'd want to add that it would make *me* happier if they still wanted to have kids!!! I really, really want grandkids. I don't care who their partner is, except I'd like them to find someone who wants a family LOL
peace,
robyn
And that too. In fact. that is more important to me than anything else actually.
post #149 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by savithny View Post
As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.

One of my daycare parents made a deal with two women in another state who also wanted a child. The Dads provided the sperm, and one of the women gave birth twice. The moms kept the first child (a boy) and the Dads kept the second child (a girl)

I'm not sure I could do it. (as a mom) Especially if the two siblings were from the same parents. I would want to keep them both. But, I'm glad it worked out this way, because this little girl is wonderful, and to think of her not being here is kind of sad.
post #150 of 230
I would be perfectly happy if my daughter or any other future children are gay.

Even though she is still a baby, whenever I talk about her future partners or love life, I always try to use gender neutral terms. "The person" she'll fall in love with, when she starts dating "someone".

If any of my children are gay, I hope they never have to come out to us. I hope to provide a kind of home environment where they can just live their lives, and not feel obligated to "announce" their sexual preference. Straight people don't have to do that.

No matter how the outside world may treat them, I want them to feel totally comfortable with all aspects of themselves in our home.
post #151 of 230
If my,currently hypothetical,child told me they were gay it wouldn't bother me in the least.

While the prejudice they are more than likely to face, would concern me, I have no preference for either a gay or straight child, either is equally fine with me.

What would bother me was if my child had known for years,and didn't tell me, I'd feel terrible if they had been scared/reluctant to tell me and/or my partner,

I'd hate knowing I'd made them feel as though they couldn't share it with me.

Hopefully it won't be an issue for me though,I'm planning on being a very 'gay friendly' household, not the best term to use I know,and discussing prejudice against gay people,gay role models,tv programmes, how gay people are shown in the media etc being part of our usual daily life.
post #152 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockycrop View Post
I would be perfectly happy if my daughter or any other future children are gay.

Even though she is still a baby, whenever I talk about her future partners or love life, I always try to use gender neutral terms. "The person" she'll fall in love with, when she starts dating "someone".

If any of my children are gay, I hope they never have to come out to us. I hope to provide a kind of home environment where they can just live their lives, and not feel obligated to "announce" their sexual preference. Straight people don't have to do that.

No matter how the outside world may treat them, I want them to feel totally comfortable with all aspects of themselves in our home.
Yes I agree, I wouldn't want there to a talk/ a moment where they come out,it'll be more a process,rather like sex education.

I don't want to have 'the talk' one day about that either, it'll be a gradual process, answering questions when they arise,discussing it casually over dinner.while doing housework etc,asking what do you think of this etc.
post #153 of 230
I'm in a lesbian relationship and we're working on baby #1.

I voted #2...I could care less about their sexual/gender orientation, BUT I do know that things can be difficult for "us" sometimes. BUT I have NEVER experienced discrimination as a student, a teacher, an employee...but I things have been made difficult and heartbreaking sometimes, by my own family (not all of them, thankfully)...which leads me to these quotes down here (note: I used these as examples, because many have expressed similar sentiments, they were just the last ones I came across, so I'm not trying to single anyone out):

Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
I put "as long as they're happy" - except I'd want to add that it would make *me* happier if they still wanted to have kids!!! I really, really want grandkids. I don't care who their partner is, except I'd like them to find someone who wants a family LOL
peace,
robyn
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I'd be a little dissapointed but not because I think it's wrong. Mostly because I had "images" of her life as an adult, and it includes a tall handsome man with a medical background. (O.K, I'm exaggerating a bit)
Gayness/straightness is NOT the element that will determine the course of your child's life. Having expectations of your child along these lines, gay or straight, can be stiffling, and result in a lot of guilt for the child. When I came out to my Mom, her reaction sounded like these ones I've quoted...she was sad that I'd never get married, have kids, and that I'd lose friends and career opportunities. Her mental picture of my life had been shattered, and she was devastated. This hurt me GREATLY, despite her claims later that she "only wanted me to be happy". Kids shouldn't be burdened with these kinds of expectations. If you're happy for them, simply be happy and enjoy watching them develop into their own person, with their own life. Otherwise, you set them up for disappointment, and your motives are selfish. The truth of the matter was, and continues to be, that I'm very happy. It's my mother that is not (although she continues to grow in this regard).

For the record, I am married, am trying to have a baby, have developed better friendships with people since being "out", and have an amazing career in science ahead of me in a workplace where I am completely accepted. Not because someone expected it of me, but because of choices I've made in my life, based on my own experiences.

Peace.
post #154 of 230
BTW I think nonplussed is used incorrectly in this poll. Nonplussed means shocked or puzzled. I have a feeling the OP meant it as a neutral "whatever" feeling which is not correct.

Sry if this has been brought up, I haven't read the whole thread.
post #155 of 230
I voted other.
I'd be disappointed and worried. Not because I think being gay is wrong. But because I think that homosexuals face a lot more challenges, judgment and discrimination. Also, I have gay friends and they always seem to have a tougher time finding/being in loving relationships than my hetero friends. I don't know if it has to do with their sexual orientation or the circle they move in.
Honestly though, I'd rather that they be straight. Maybe it's because homosexuality is an area that I'm very ignorant about.
post #156 of 230
Quote:
I wouldn't wish any of the baggage and bs that comes with partnering with men on my kids.
Wow, that's um, um.

I have three sons and I'd hate to think that they're being discriminated against for growing up to be men.

I have a husband I happen to like partnering with.
post #157 of 230
I have no problems with gay people, I certainly don't think it's morally wrong, and many of my close friends are gay. I absolutely hope that my son grows up knowing that he can come to me and tell me he's gay and other than making me feel a little proud that he knew he could come to me it wouldn't change how I feel about him one bit. I also hope that any partner he might have would be every bit as welcome into our family as a daughter in law he would be.

Having said that, unless the world changes a whole lot between now and his adulthood, I know that gay people frequently have a harder path to walk than straight people, and are more at risk for depression, being victims of discrimination or even hate crimes, difficulty becoming parents (if that's what they want) and other hardships. Given that there's a little piece of me that would prefer my son to avoid this path, just so I could sleep better tonight.

I guess in summary I feel about the possibility of my son being gay the same way I feel about the possibility of him becoming a fire fighter. Am I very glad there are fire fighters (and gay people) in the world? YES! Would I be very proud of my son if he chose to be a fire fighter or turned out to be gay? YES! Would I love him any more or less? NO. Would I sleep better at night if he were a straight man with a super safe career? Yes.

Given that my vote is somewhere between nonplussed (with the meaning you gave) and OK.
post #158 of 230
Hetero, gay, bi, poly, asexual, whatever. As long as they are happy and fulfilled and confident people, I'm all for it.

The #1 poll answer bothered me as well as many of the lower # ones. Heterophobia does exist in the queer community and two wrongs don't make a right, KWIM? I've had several gay/lesbian friends were were misogynist/androgynist and it was disheartening.

There's good 'n bad 'n neutral in all the paths.

JMO.
post #159 of 230
I voted nonplussed. Actually, I wish there was a "I wouldn't be surprised in the least if my kid grew up and told me they were gay" option. Maybe its just a phase but DH and I both "wonder" about our 2 year old sometimes. Silly, I know because 2 year olds don't know what sexuality is. But he's awfully feminine! People are who they are, and I do not believe that sexuality is "learned". You're born gay or straight, or somewhere in between, I really don't think we have a choice in the matter.
post #160 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucysmom View Post
Just ... "nonplussed" means "taken aback." So even though "as long as they're happy ..." was my answer, it was hard to vote "nonplussed," because I wouldn't be.
yep, that was what I thought. I voted other, not because I care really what their orientations are, but because I think that the country we live in is so so ugly toward anyone other than a straight-up hetero that it cannot be simple or easy. Which is not to say it's bad either, I don't have the experience to comment either way. I just hate to watch my friends who are gay suffer under bigotry.
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