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S/O: Anon poll about your kids being gay - Page 9

Poll Results: How would you feel if your kids grow up to be gay?

 
  • 6% (49)
    Thrilled--more gay is more better.
  • 62% (492)
    Nonplussed--as long as they're happy, I'm good.
  • 16% (132)
    Okay--I'd rather they were straight, but whatever.
  • 10% (82)
    Disappointed--I think being gay is wrong and I don't want that for my kids.
  • 0% (4)
    Angry--I'm so appalled by considering it that I can't imagine what I'd feel.
  • 3% (24)
    Other, please explain
783 Total Votes  
post #161 of 230
Agree with the magnificent queenjane about the misuse of the word "nonplussed." Just because a term is used incorrectly doesn't mean that the incorrect meaning is suddenly correct. (Something doesn't "beg the question" when it suggests that question, either, and breath is not baited unless someone's trying to attract fish.)

So, for that reason I also immediately responded "other," since I would not be nonplussed, bewildered, taken aback, or otherwise thrown off balance (yet still accepting of the situation) by a child's being gay. If the intent of the response is "unfazed," then yes, that's where I would be.

Basically, I honestly don't think I would care a whit if my child were gay or straight. I want them to be happy with who they are, whoever that may be. Some of those things might be a bit harder to take than others (like queenjane, I'd be quite nonplussed if I raised a Republican, and probably downright discombobulated if I raised a fundamentalist homophobe); but I honestly have no wishes for my kids' sexuality one way or the other.
post #162 of 230
I haven't read all of the responses, but I choose, I'd rather they be straight, but whatever. I'd rather they be straight because quite frankly life is easier IMO. You can marry anywhere you want, you don't have to worry about sexuality discrimination (generally), making babies is easier (generally), etc In a perfect world if all that was just the same for gays, then I could careless either way.
post #163 of 230
Well, first off, I wouldn't care one way or another on the sexuality front. They are who they are! As others have said, I can't imagine being "thrilled" about any aspect of their sexuality -- it means they're grown up and don't need me anymore! I want each of them to be happy and whole.

On the grammatical front, a word is defined by the way that it's used (check out how dictionaries are made if you don't believe me ). As the use of a word changes, so does its definition. The definition of a word can also change over time within certain geographic areas (U.S. vs UK, for example). "Nonplussed" seems to be in this process. "Nauseous" vs "nauseated" has almost entirely made the transition. This used to bother the grammar freak in me, but frankly, it's inevitable to a certain degree, and there are far bigger issues in this world on which to expend my energy.
post #164 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by RockStarMom View Post
Not sure how to vote.
With regards only to how I feel about it, I would feel exactly the same as I would feel if they were straight. Either straight or gay is perfectly fine!
But out of concern for my child, I would rather them be straight. We have gay/transgendered friends and life has been, at times, immensely difficult for them because of it.
That's how I feel. In the end I voted for the "as long as they're happy" option. If a child of mine happened to be homosexual I'd be supportive of him/her, but I'd still be concerned because of the discrimination he/she will likely have to endure.

I hope things change for the better before I have children.

Edited to add: queenjane, that was a great post on the grammatical front. It makes me sad to see words being misused, and it confuses me as a person whose first language isn't English.
post #165 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by allegra View Post
That's how I feel. In the end I voted for the "as long as they're happy" option. If a child of mine happened to be homosexual I'd be supportive of him/her, but I'd still be concerned because of the discrimination he/she will likely have to endure.

I hope things change for the better before I have children.

Me too *sigh*
post #166 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
Um....you mean, as in "Americans dont know the definition of "nonplussed"..."??? Because the word means what it means. People often think it means something different (i know i did when i first saw it), because its kinda counterintuitive (with that 'non' in there)...but it doesnt mean something different. Every definition at "Dictionary.com" is a variation of "perplexed, bewildered"...Merriam-Webster online dictionary, same thing. In fact, i checked a dozen online dictionaries...the *only* reference i could find to "American vernacular" was in Wiktionary, saying that the word has come to mean "unimpressed" in American language usage, though its not correct and not often used in this way....so it would still not be the correct definition, using that one, for this poll.

Oh, i found this on the online Urban Dictionary:

1. nonplussed 19 up, 2 down

Often misused as meaning unfazed, but actually means bewildered.

English majors are nonplussed about how "nonplussed" has, over time, become so misused.



I think maybe you meant it to be "unconcerned"? Sorry, it just bugs me to use improper grammer/definitions/word usage even when its been pointed out its wrong...a lady on an email list i'm on kept writing "nefew" instead of "nephew", it kept getting repeated in the subject line over and over, and she defended her usage when someone pointed it out, saying thats just how she always wrote it. It drove me freakin' crazy.

I'm just sayin'.

I would be nonplussed if my kid turned out to be a Republican. I would be unbothered to find out he's gay.


Katherine
I think I love you.
post #167 of 230
M'eh, they (my boys) can be interested in men or women, doesn't really matter to me. Just so long as they find a good partner who loves and respects them. And if their partners are in any way abusive, we've agreed to have them magically disappear.
post #168 of 230
I voted disappointed, as this lifestyle is incompatible with our moral beliefs. I'd also feel the same if she was having premarital sex or drinking alcohol.
post #169 of 230
I don't think I'd be happy, but not for the reasons you might think, and I certainly would be maximally supportive. I would be worried, simply because the world is a difficult place for gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. It's something complicated and challenging, especially for a young person, and frankly I would rather my kids be spared that. But I have no moral convictions against it or anything like that. I myself am bisexual, and so is DHl. So we know how hard that road can be to walk sometimes. But I would support and love my child 100% regardless.
post #170 of 230
i voted other --

I am cool with it -- but i would be sad too due to the many challanged that either of my boys (or both) would face as gay men ......

BUT That would be my emotion to own, and i would sure be accpeting and supportive of them.

AImee
post #171 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuxPerpetua View Post
I voted disappointed, as this lifestyle is incompatible with our moral beliefs. I'd also feel the same if she was having premarital sex or drinking alcohol.
I don't think you can call it a lifestyle. A lifestyle is something a person chooses for themselves. Being homosexual isn't something one chooses (I sincerely doubt anyone would choose such a difficult path in life).

In my opinion, saying you (general you) would be disappointed if your child turned out to be homosexual is like saying you're disappointed because your kid doesn't share your love for poetry. It's not accepting them like the individual person they are.

I'm Catholic, for the record. I've gpt no problem reconciling my beliefs with my view on this subject.
post #172 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by allegra View Post
I don't think you can call it a lifestyle. A lifestyle is something a person chooses for themselves. Being homosexual isn't something one chooses (I sincerely doubt anyone would choose such a difficult path in life).

In my opinion, saying you (general you) would be disappointed if your child turned out to be homosexual is like saying you're disappointed because your kid doesn't share your love for poetry. It's not accepting them like the individual person they are.

I'm Catholic, for the record. I've gpt no problem reconciling my beliefs with my view on this subject.
I agree...not a lifestyle in any more sense than heterosexuality is a lifestyle.

I disagree that it's not a choice though. I know plenty of people who feel very strongly about having chosen their sexuality. I fall somewhere in the middle. I think there is a major nature/nurture interaction for many people when determining sexuality. I suspect, we're probably all bisexual from the outset and our environment probably plays a great role in shaping our path and choices.

But me, I'm a happy, well adjusted lesbian who is thrilled with her life and would probably choose to be a lesbian in my next life too - were I afforded such a privilege!
post #173 of 230
My only goal for my daughter is that she be happy.

The only thing that would make me sad is if she were a lesbian and didn't feel comfortable telling me. I hope we'll have a stronger relationship than that.
post #174 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicole lisa View Post
Yeah, in proper terms it means surprised, taken aback. But in American common usage it means not bothered.
I've never heard of that usage in my life.

Whatever. I would still say, as long as they're happy I don't care about their sexual orientation.
post #175 of 230
So, apparently the OP meant "plussed," instead of nonplussed. Because that's gotta be the opposite, right?
post #176 of 230
I said "okay" but not because it would bother me, i just think it is something that would cause my child pain (trying to live such an alternative lifestyle in todays social climate)
post #177 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrant View Post
I voted "okay". I honestly believe as long as my kids are happy, but I fear how they would be treated if they were gay. I remember being told over and over and over again "Don't let others bring you down because your fat". Well everytime someone made a horrible comment about me being fat, it really felt like a knife right to the heart. I would cry and cry. I just want my kids to have an easy upbringing. I don't want them to get made fun of. Of course I would teach them to carry themselves high and not worry about what others think, but that didn't work for me.
I voted non-plussed but really had to think about it. It wasn't them being gay that would bother me but the extra prejuidice, lack of marital rights and even danger that they would face.
post #178 of 230
I chose the "nonplussed" option...although what would really bother me is if my kids grew up to misuse the English language. (mostly kidding, just had to poke fun after 9 pages of discussion of nonplussed!)

In general, what I want for my children is for them to be ethical, psychologically and physically healthy human beings. All the rest is just details and is relatively unimportant.

I would also worry somewhat about prejudice and mistreatment, but I have to wonder - what does the gay community think of that concern on the part of parents?
post #179 of 230
Quote:
Originally Posted by hubris View Post
I would also worry somewhat about prejudice and mistreatment, but I have to wonder - what does the gay community think of that concern on the part of parents?
There's been a little discussion of that in this thread, so I'm repeating. I'm a bi woman, currently married to a man, but had the majority of my relationships with women. Personally, I find the "I'd be okay with it, but sad b/c my child would have to suffer pain" response a little misguided. Yes, in the US there are certainly practical concerns (guardianship of kids, medical responsibility for partners, etc.)--but people have choices about where they live and there are states (Massachusetts, Vermont) where equal rights legislation is in place. There are also many countries where this is the case. There are many cities in the US (New York, San Francisco, etc.) where being gay is not particularly unusual or problematic.

Beyond that, I think people really need to get over the idea that being gay dooms you to a life of pain. The ONLY pain I ever experienced as a queer person had to do with my relationship with my parents. Had my parents been open and supportive, I can honestly say I would not have "suffered" b/c of my sexual orientation. I was out in high school and college and never experienced teasing, discrimination, bullying, etc. I've walked the streets of many cities and towns holding hands with a girlfriend, and I've never gotten harrassed. Or COURSE it can happen. But that can happen for many reasons--the color of your skin, the way you dress, your weight, your gender, etc.

I just can't imagine it being "okay" to say something like, "I would support my child if he or she was an interracial relationship, but I would be sad b/c I know how much pain and trouble it would cause." For the majority of queer people I know, the major "pain" of their sexual orientation came from lack of acceptance by family--so if you commit to supporting your children, I think you can do away with what, in my mind, is the major "difficulty". Please, don't pity me or my queer friends for the "pain" and "suffering" and "difficulty" we've been through--I don't know any queer people who, given the option, would choose to be straight (though I'm sure they exist).
post #180 of 230
I don't care one way or the other. I just hope he is happy and choosing healthy relationships, either gender is fine with me.
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